After last night's melt down, I set my alarm for 6:30 am and went to bed. I managed to get out of bed at 6:45 all excited to go to the gym for the first time (in the morning) since forever. My plan was to lift, then swim after work.

Had breakfast, got my crap all together and headed out. Got to the gym to (typically) find out they don't open until 10 today. My perfect luck! grrrr.

So i got to work an hour early, and plan on doing the swim/lift thing after work, then going to a house party for new years. I feel really good today, i think i needed to put my self evaluation in words so i could see just how i felt about myself. when i re-read this morning what i wrote last night i was pretty ashamed of myself. Every winter i seem to go through this, and i guess the only way to avoid it is to just ease the noose during the winter, just drop my expectations a bit.

I'm going to have a good time tonight without thought to diet or exercise, then after tonight friends are coming down from Gainseville to hang, then this sunday i'm doing the ORC pace led Century!

Consistency: A word i dared to use a few weeks back.

Consitent at what? Screwing up, that's what.

Today i signed up for my first Half Ironman. Today i ate too much ham. Today i got on my bike and biked for 40 minutes on my trainer while watching TV. Today i just proved to myself that i'm a half wit. A mediocre person. I'm not exceptional, i'm not better then any couch potatoe out there. I'm no athlete, i'm a wanna be. A degenerate who pretends he's an athlete because he bikes once in awhile, cause he drinks protien shakes. What the fuck am i doing?

I want to be an athlete, i want to be a TRIathlete. But i'm having the hardest time beating something. MYSELF. i defeat myself.

Diane told me about this postcard she has. It's a picture of a small shadow of a runner, running amongst these beautiful mountains at dawn. At the bottom it says, "If i turn back now no one will know."

"Except me"

"Damn."

THATS how i should be feeling. THATS what i should be doing.....how the friggin hell can i justify buying a ham, cooking it and setting up a well portioned lunch for myself consisting of a salad and veggies and ham.....then go to boston market and get a large fuckign side of mac and cheese?

WHAT IS MY PROBLEM??

I don't want it enough
my motivation isn't there
I just don't know.
I think i rely too much on people, i NEED People too much in my training. to motivate, to converse with.

I need to go back to posting goals here
I need to go back to thinking out every decision and weighing the consequences?

You know why i'ma fat ass? you know why i'm still running shitty 12 minute miles?

Becuase i'm weak.
Because i'm a loser.
Do i have the strength to change that? Or will 21 years as being a loser overcome me and make me a loser for life?

I did it. as of 11:28 pm on December 30th, i am an official entrant in the Gulf Coast Half Ironman! Woohoo! now THATS some motivation!

As i expected Diane didn't call or return my calls, something that's becoming more and more normal. :( So i read and read and read. Cooked a big fat ham with some potatos and carrots...mMMMmmm Good!. Got enough for lunches for the rest of the week too. This may be something i do more often. Only next time i'll make chicken. It's so much easier to motivate to cook when everything is clean and in place. If i ever want to cook when Josh and Kelly are around, i have to do a whole sink load of dishes, put the dishes already done away, search all around for the utensils i need (they never put anything away in the same place twice) and then do all MY dishes after. It's just not a motivating thought. BUT never fear! They don't come back till Thursday, and when i move i'll be trying to move by myself so i can do all this stuff without worrying about it.

My nose was running all day yesterday and all night, but this morning seems to be ok. Still a little stuffy but i think i'm getting over whatever it was that i had.

A possible love interest: When i went to Diane's corporate xmas party, i met Lisa, one of the receptionists there. Lisa is strikingly similar in look to Jeff's sister, so i was naturally very attracted to her. She didn't seem all that interested, but there were some hints that she left...like asking me to fix her laptop, putting her cellphone number in it so i could call her; asking me to come over her place to help her re- set it up, and finally, avoiding talking about her boyfriend like the plague...calling him her 'friend' and making a point to tell me that she complains about him a lot (which Diane agreed that she did). So we'll see, she doesn't get back until the 2nd so maybe i'll call up and take her out that weekend. I fired up her laptop and didn't find any problems with it....hmmmmmm.

Anyway my hamstrings are pretty rocked today so i'm gonna keep stretching. I'm supposed to do a hard bike workout to a spinerval but i may skip it...maybe just do some easy spin.

Friday Diane told me that she wouldnt' be moving. This at first didn't bother me all that much, i'm resourcefull and will find a place (already have two potentials lined up) but what DID bother me is i suddenly had no desire to train. This really bothered me becuase it felt like it did when Carl left. Triathlon is a solitary event. I've trained alone and had success. But i so quickly attach my motivations to my outlook on life that when my view on life doesn't work out quite like i want it too, it's easy for me to lose motivation. But i took comfort in the fact that we train alone, we race alone, but ultimately that allows us to cherrish the moments we CAN train with someone else and share the suffering and the gains. So i'm going to find some solid motivation. No motivation in people. No motivation in future plans or anything else non-tangible. From now on motivation comes from a source i have now, and will continue to have. This will most likely take some time to find, but i'm sure when i find it it'll be solid.

Speaking of motivation, what prompted me to train with Diane today for nearly 4 hours after a week off? I met Diane at the trail for a 30 mile ride and a 1/2 hour run. It was chilly out and for the first time i got to try my new leg and arm warmers. They fit perfectly and to my suprise kept me very warm, though when it was shady i got really cold. Diane forgot to put hers on and a couple miles out we turned around so she could get them. Overall we did a lazy 12 mph avg for the first 15 miles, very very laid back. But even in the laid back ride, i felt a twinge in my right ITB. No big deal now, i'll pay more attention to stretching. Throughout most of the ride my nose was running but i attributed it to normal cold weather running. The return trip from the 15 mile out and back was a bit faster with me doing a 27mph sprint just to make sure i could still do it. Our average was somewher around 14. Then to the car to put on the sneaks and run for half hour. It didn't feel bad, but i still got a hot spot in my foot, though not nearlya s bad as before. My next option will to get new sneakers. I ran a decent pace, probably 10-11 minute miles but i started feeling really really shitty at the end. My hip started aching, my legs were screaming (though Diane didnt' know at the time heheh, i seemed fine). I was veyr glad to have that short run overwith. I stretched out and generally just started feeling really shitty.

I got home and my body just broke down. My legs started aching badly, my nose was still running, and my body just felt very heavy. VERY heavy. Like i could hardly keep my torso up. My back started to stiffen up and i just couldnt' figure out what was going on. I got very tired all of a sudden (when the caffeine from my cliffshots wore off i'm thinking) and i laid down on my bed. I woke up an hour and a half later still feeling groggy. I actually felt very similar to when i got hit by a truck while on my bike a few years ago. Nevertheless i got up and Michelle called. She came over and i rented Minority Report which she hadn;'t seen yet. I ate some pizza and started feeling better as i hydrated more and walked around. My nose however won't stop running which is leading me to believe that i'm coming down with a cold, which would explain why my pace on the bike was slow, yet difficult to keep, and why my run broke down so badly.

Tomorrow Diane is supposed to come over, and we're going to run then go over the years training schedule. I don't think i'm going to run though. i wanna get over this cold. Should be a fuitful day for me and triathlon though.

Where to begin...

I suppose i'll throw my thoughts out and type as fast as they come, sorting them out later.

I had 5 days to sit in my apartment, alone (thank god. Josh and Kelly decided to uproot and go to PA for 2 weeks) and read, ponder, sleep, and generally view my place in the world. I do move furiously towards my goals, and oft times i don't have the patience to sit back and wonder about the world around me. I am far removed though, from the weekend warrior who blindly rushes through 5 of 7 days, desperately seeking "Friday"...only to sleep in on saturday and really not do much. I actually look very much forward to any day, becuase of the challenges i face each day with training and diet. A challenge i'm losing, but am regaining a measure of strength in planning. I am confident that once i finally get together with Diane and hack out some serious detailed plans, things'll come together. Right now i'm just having too hard a time planning, then MOTIVATING myself to train. At the same time though, i don't feel all that depressed like i usually do when i don't train. This tells me that the repreive was needed. I havn't been training or eating well for a few weeks now, but there's nothing i can do about that now, and it doesn't make sense to dower over it. Just move on.

I do however refuse to race fat this year. Even though i was in good shape last year, i was still fat to my standards. I still had the love handles, i still wasn't 100% comfortable in my DeSoto skinsuit. If i'm going to be a triathlete, i might as well look the part! i BETTER look the part. I work hard only to defeat myself. In typical Jed fashion, i believe that when i'm in an apartment with my coach, with murals and posters and energy just screaming triathlon, i'll be able to seperate myself from myself and train with vigor.

This line of thought made me think of greatness.

WHat is greatness?

Greatness is similar to beauty, it's in the eye of the beholder.

Greatness is a father who works 2 jobs, tends to 3 kids and a wife, always making time to play ball or take the kids to the park...furthermore making the time for his wife.
Greatness is a mother of those same kids, who works a full time job, yet still makes room in her schedule to not only take her kids to soccer practice, baseball practice, ballet, the babysitters; but also ENCOURAGES them to take on yet MORE extra curricular things...and still makes time for her husband.
Greatness is a mans strength to elevate himself beyond his given capabilities, to rise above his born stature...and still be humble for it.
Some would measure greatness by their possesions, money and power. None of these thigns can be refuted. So greatness can only be defined by yourself. How great do you feel to YOURSELF?

Furthermore i don't believe greatness can be achieved or even rewarded until the living light leaves the body and they're deeds live only in memory, because as long as there is life left in anyone, they still have time to make even greater strides.

Born into poverty, moving around and unable to make friends; going from a house on a farm to a 1 bedroom trailer of which 4 adults and one child lived...i'd say that i rose above my stature, and am still rising. In my own mind i want grand things, i want a family, i want triathlon, i want comfort. I don't pretend to be great, but i always strive to greatness, because without a goal that seems unacheivable...what more do you have to live for?

To simply live to walk out the door and go to work every day, yearning for that saturday that you can sleep in is not striving for greatness...or even mediocrity. So many people are just robots that move in and out of the paths that lead them, but sticking to none of them long enough to see the fruits of rewards at the ends of those paths. What point is there to live if not to live for something HUGE? When we were kids we said we wanted to make a million dollars; so why are we not all out there hell bent on achieving that goal? It is a lofty one indeed, and a goal worth trying to achieve.

I want to have nice round pecs, a flat stomach, and round shoulders of a powerfull swimmer. I don't want these things for any reason but to prove to myself that after 23 years of being overweight, i can achieve such a thing. Because i'm only mildy beautiful in my own eyes outwardly. Inwardly i could not be more satisfied with how i am. My logic and intelligence mixing with controlled emotion keeps me and the peopel around me quite satisfied, quite happy most of the time. But outwardly i still struggle a bit. Not nearly as much as i used to, and as i continue to strive in triathlon i continue to make massive gains psychologically, physically and emotionally. Triathlon has saved me from myself, and though i may not be competitive for a few more years to come, i may not even compete...triathlon will always be with me; will always drive me out the door on a rainy day for a run, on a lazy sunday for 100 mile ride, in the early wintery mornings for a swim. It will always be with me and always guide me.

My perception of reality is 100% opposite of what it was just 4 years ago. I see in Josh and Kelly what i was when i first came to Florida. A leech. A ball and chain for my good friend Jeff Duval. Though i resented him for it at the time, i knew his accusations were correct but i always though the world was to blame.

Josh: A man driven and creative. Someone who has a real place in life to help others and to help himself...to be successful would not be hard for him. But his emotional instability, his low self esteem from years of being hunched over slightly from a spine disease, has made him blind to rational decisions. He married Kelly out of pressure and convenience, and very well may live in the trap for the rest of his life. I can see strength in him, sometimes i look at him and the fire in his eyes is greater then that of my own, but it quickly dies when Kelly walks into the room, she quenches it as if she was meant to. Her loathing outlook on life is infections, and has securely cowed him into submission. I've done all i can to help him, but he simply trusts no one with his fears and weaknesses, thus he keeps them inside to torment him.

Kelly: A human devoid of a single strand of strength. A person who uses every weakness she has as an excuse to do nothing in life. Jobless for over 6 months, gaining so much weight she's replaced her wardrobe twice, and spiraling into a depression so deep Josh has been sucked into the void with her. Her blackness is complete, her fire that i once saw in college has been thoroughly quenched, never to be seen again even in my highest hopes. The world is a huge evil place, and her stature in it is to suffer from her point of view.

Interestingly enough, when i was like kelly and josh, they were more like me now. They had fire, i had depression. Since then i've learned to step out of myself and put as little emotion as possible ina ny life altering decisions, and thus far that approach has lead me right. I'm not fearful to sacrifice everything if i think the gain is equal in measure, but i'm not so quick to do so anymore. I weigh everything carefully now. Age and triathlon have given me something that i never had: Patience. Though it is slow in coming, it is there and unmistakable. I have to honestly say for the past 3 years each year has been a little better then the last. My life enlightened just a bit more by the decisions i have made. Before i was too willing to let everything go and dash hopefully into a situation i was not even aware of the ending could be. But now a days I take the small time to think it through even a little bit, and that little bit has paid off. I no longer take offence when someoen says, "You're growing up". I foolishly thought i was 'grown up' when i magically turned 18. Life is a learning journey, learn all that you can and impart whatever kindness you can while you're still here. If not to impart kindess, then why live?

I want to coach, and that goal will realize itself soon. Within the next couple years.I want to do triathlon, and help people at the same time. Nothing is more satisfying then being able to bring someone to a conclusion they never could have made by themselves. The light in their eyes, as they smile and brighten. Helping people realize their goals in triathlon will be very rewarding for me, and for thep erson i'm training i hope.

Something i've learned over hte past couple years in dealing with Josh and Kelly. I'm not so quick to hold out my hand when i see someone in need. Some of the time that hand will not be appreciated, and it pains me when my help is shunned. No, i don't hold out my hand anymore to pluck someone from their woes. But if they hold their hand out to me, i'll be the first to offer my help in every concievable way that i can. THAT i will always do. I will always be here for anyone that needs me, but from now on i may not be the first to hold out my hand. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not.

In my battle over food lately, i'm not sure who's winning. Most of the time i eat well, but lately i've been craving lots of foods i denied myself over the summer. Over the summer i did some good damage i'm seeing now, by not cheating for months at a time. AT the time i never craved the foods, especially at the height of the season. but i'm paying for it now as all those lost cravings hit me at once and i've been splurging on certain foods for days at a time. Pizza 3 days ina row, Moes burritoes for lunch for weeks at a time. I do believe it's hold is waning though, and i do plan on making time for cheat days every week in all of my training. Overall i think i did well , and i certainly learned tons. This next year should prove to be a very fruitful year, financially and physically/mentally/emotionally.

As for what i did all week, well i read through the Icewindale Trilogy and started into the Legacy Quintet. I finished the first book of that series not just a few minutes ago, and plan on finishing it this weekend. These days off have just given me enough time to reflect, re-orient myself from days passed to align up with the roads that point forward. Each year i become more wise in the ways of balancing the roads less traveled, with the ones most traveled to create a harmony inside me, because there is no gray in my personality, there is only insane charging forward, and reserved fly on teh wall. I beocme more adept at sating each side of myself, without ruining the other.

Tomorrow i'm taking a half a day and going to the gym for a swim and a lift. I'm actually considering staying up all night, reading through the night, swimming early at say 5:30, going to work, lwaving at noon and going to lift. This weekend marks the first sat/sun back to back workouts as i'm convinced i can run again. I'll write a full "Year in Review" as i always do each year, after i recover from the party on the 1st. This should prove interesting, i will also post last years "Year in Review" as a reference to look at.

soon to come: lots of info.

My hamstrings being shot, and getting out of work late x'd out my run. I was excited for it but i just didn't want to be unable to walk today. Today i'm supposed to swim and lift, and also at 7 supposed to meet Diane at the Holiday Inn for an xmas party. I hope i get out of work at 3 as a 'half day before vacation like we usually do' so i can get that swim/lift workout in before i head to the Inn. If i can' tleave till 5 then i'm afraid i'll only get to swim.

Diet yesterday was good. I did laundry and read the second book in the Icewindale Trilogy....an amazing tale. I'm definitely going to finish that over the holiday, and also get Lances book to read. Speaking of Lance today i'm going to work on my wall mural with the caption "I did my workout today...did you?"

Today my hamstrings are shot, and so is my chest, but i can't wait to get out of here and run! I'm going to do a .75 mile loop around my buddy's place i think, or maybe do the 5 mile loop i used to run. Either way i wanna do about 4-5 miles. Then friday do some swimming, then saturday i'm going to ride with Diane, look for an apartment, and also sit down and go over my schedule for the next month or two. My diet yesterday was good, and today so far it's good. Better get back to work...

Got off the trainer after a 55 minute spin. Nice and easy to recover from lifting last night and the spin i was supposed to do on monday. If figured ou that the creak is in my headset, not my bottom bracket. I'm beginning to lose faith in professionals who are out to help people.

For instance, the bike people said i need a new bottom bracket. It's not my bb, it's my headset. So what happens when they put the bb in and it still creaks? You think they'd give me my money back? No chance.

The doctor wanted me to pay for a $275 orthotic because my third tarsel was 'low' causing the numbness. I changed my laces and no more numbness!

Way back when the doc couldnt' figure out why my calf and achilles hurt so bad. After tons of $$$ and xrays and treatment they enver fixed it...only to self diagnose myself with achilles tendonitis. DUH!

I'm so tired of people not knowing ANYTHING of what they are talking about. They just guess and conjecture. for gods sake, take PRIDE in what you do and do it right!

I'm in a very ranting mood today/night. But on the good side, i'm about to go to sleep. nighty night.

Pretty sore this morning from last nights lifting. I think i may have overdone my hamstrings but oh well. Tonight i'm going to recovery spin at home, easy 1 hour bike ride. Then i'm going to start with 4 miles running tomorrow to see how i feel. Running yesterday, my belly was flying everywhere, i'm suprised i didn't hit anybody with it. But the best part is my foot didn't get numb. Thats all i cared about.


On another subject, Traffic.

Traffic is like wind, is like hills. There's really nothing you can do about those things, so you just sort of accept it. Riding into a headwind while climbing a hill is just going to happen, so you accept it, or else you get mad and nothing is worse then riding pissed off.

ANYWAY!

Traffic is slow, and i accept that. I drive in relative calm...well...borderline maniacle anger, but for the most part i don't care when people brake at green lights, drive 20 miles under the speed limit ,or weave in and out of traffic. What DOES Push me over the edge though, is when someone is doing that while they are DOING THEIR MAKEUP or TALKING ON A CELL PHONE!

Nothing pisses me off more. Nothing. You could throw a basketball at my face and break my nose and i wouldn't be as pissed off as when someone is braking for no reason, while ALREADY driving under the speedlimit...I look into their car and it's someone distracting themselves.

To all teh ladies (and i'm sure the occaisonal man) who put on makeup in the car, "WAKE UP 15 MINUTES EARLIER AND PUT IT ON! IF YOU HIT ME WHILE PUTTING ON MAKEUP I'M GOING TO SHOVE THAT POWDER PUFFER UP YOUR A$$!"

To anyone on a cellphone while they are driving, "YOU'RE NOT DRIVING A PHONE BOOTH, GET OFF THE PHONE AND CALL THEM BACK. IF YOU HIT ME WHILE ON YOUR CELLPHONE I'M GOING TO SHOVE THAT CELLPHONE UP YOUR A$$!"

I feel better now. Thanks for listening.

Note to self. Waxing legs with NADS is cool, and virtually pain free. Waxing arms with NADS is cool and virtually pain free. Waxing your stomach or chest will bring a grown man to tears, and make his skin numb for hours. Shave next time.

Today i switched my laces on my sneakers, and ran for 10 minutes numbness free!!! 10 measly minutes you say? Well i had to piss so bad i had to get off the treadmill, and that run was after a 40 minute swim workout. I've gotten fat over the last few weeks, and realized that (same as last year) when i can't do one of the disciplines, it makes me unmotivated. Tomorrow i'll go for another short run before my spinervals and see if its still good in the hood. If so, this'll be awesome!

Anyway i did a mass grocery today to help get my diet back in order.

I almost didn't lift today too. had a mental war in the locker room but in the end lifting won, and i'm glad for it.

Amazingly i wasn't sore at all from the spinervals session. Not a lot happened from thursday to sunday. I went to a LAN party on Sunday from 10 am to midnight. A LAN party is when a group of peoplle get together with their computers, hook em all up to each other and play video games. IT's a good time, and DEFINITELY for geeks only. I didn't train much, and didn't eat all that well, but thats not what i'm concerned with today.

What i'm concerned with today is a mate. Someone that can accept me for who i am, accept the future i've laid before myself, and most of all....be THEIRSELF truly and always.

I frequently get into arguments with women i know about why i'm not always seeing someone. They all say i'm good enough looking to never really have to be alone. But they unanimously agree that i'm not 'couth' or 'polite' enough with people the first time i meet them.

Let me put it into perspective. My motto in life is this, "The Jed you meet right now, is the SAME Jed you'll see in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 days, 6 months, 6 years...etc". I lay it all out without reservation right from the get-go. Case in point: On Michelles first date 3 years ago i arrived in shorts and sandals, t-shirt. My hair was semi unkept. I drove her to Downtown Disney where i couldn't afford to take her to a movie...so i snuck in the exit and let her in. While we sat waiting for the movie we talked quite a bit about what we were looking for in a relationship. I firmly stated (after getting of fmy internet dating kick) that i wasn't looking for long term. Just seeing what came up. When the movie started we were in the theatre and just started cuddling. I've never really felt THAT comfortable with anyone in my life, and by the end of hte movie we were sitting close just practically hugging. The whole movie though i had gas, and kept it in, no matter how painful it was. Some would say that's not me...i usually let it out....but wait! When the movie was over we walked out of the theatre and i immediately ripped a fart that had been waiting in my belly for hours. Michelle looked at me wide eyed, but laughed and rolled with it. At that point i KNEW this girl was different...that we'd make a good couple....

And we did, for just about 2.5 years.

Many people say that you should be polite, pay for everything, open doors, etc. To me...if thats the way you are EVERY day, it's no problem. But for ME, well i don't do that stuff every day. I do open doors, i do pay for things, but not every movie, not every meal. I simply can't afford it. They say you should be polite. Well i'm polite, but i'm also not very reserved. I'm honest and most of the time people don't want to hear my kind of honesty.

Basically what their saying is, be someone you're possibly NOT on the first date...to get the second date.
What i'm saying is, be YOURSELF on the first date, and if you get a second one...it's a very good thing. If you don't, it wasn't meant to be.

What happens if for the first 3 months of a relationship everything goes really good, but i never fart or cuss around the girl i'm with? What happens when i just can't take it anymore and start ripping em around the apartment and swearing at my video games like i usually do? I've changed. And that girl may not like it...and thats 3 months of both our time wasted.

There is some merit to what the other women say about being someone else on the first date.

I keep telling people that there are two of me. Theres what people see on the outside:
Loud Mouth
Funny
Care free
Semi Responsible
Happy
unkept (i tend to not do my hair, or iron my clothes)
unfashionable (i wear white socks and brown shoes with black pants. whatever is clean)
Opinionated
Strong
Hasty
Lazy, not very intelligent....Among other things.

But there's Jed that my friends know.
Strong
Intelligent
Very cautious with most situations
Driven
Thoughtfull
Honest
Helping, Caring
Loud
Opinionated
Striving to be better
Sometimes unemotional...

Now both those lists look similar, but there are some very big differences from what the average person sees and what i really am. I've always said that when anyone gets to know me they usually like me. I have a lot to offer people in the way of planning and learning. And in return i learn a great deal about how they interact and work.

So in my opinion i should just be myself and when the right girl comes along, POOF! it'll happen.
In 'their' opinion, i should impress...do things i usually don't do just to get teh second date.
In the 'happy medium' i'd do a few things to impress....to ge tthe second date only to have that girl get to know me, and eventually accept/deny who i am later.

For now i'm going to do absolutely nothing because thinking about it hurts my head. I'm going to focus on finances and tri training.

Anyone who's ever finished their very first SPINERVALS workout...knows how i'm feeling right now.

Red faced.
Border line puking.
Legs shaking...even my hands are having a hard time typing.
Drenched in sweat
Knowing damned well you won't be able to walk in two days
and just as happy for it.

Today i did the NO SLACKERS video. I didn't even do some of the harder gears they did and i am trashed. I think once a week this will be good for me to break the monotony of low aerobic training. It also gives me something to work up to.

45 minutes of HELL.

Who the hell thinks Big ring hardest gear SUPER SPINS are even humane??

I bought laces for my sneakers, can't wait to run tomorrow and see if my foot goes numb.

11 am: I'm just getting into work.

For those of you who didn't follow my journal over at triathlete.com, here's the skinny.

In September i was pulled over for having an expired tag. I was promptly thrown in jail until i made bond. yeah.

Today was my trial (why is this even in trial? because i printed a new tag and stuck it on my car...making pretend i was registered. Smart right? not.)

Here's a breakdown of the morning:

7:30am i arrived at the court house to wait for my lawyer who was supposed to arrive at 8:05. My trial was scheduled for 8:20.

8:19am my lawyer did not arrive so i made my way to the court room. While in teh court room i got to see lots of people recieve sentences..basically got to see how things were going to work out. I'm not the type to freak out...as a matter of fact i've been accused of UNDERreacting most of the time.

9 am. I was the only one left in the court room besides workers. My lawyer still had not arrived. Lots of lawyers were coming and going, making statements for their clients.

9:15 am. At this point i was thinking of what i was going to say if i was called. See...i had no idea how this was supposed to work. Whether they would call me, or if i was supposed to talk to someone. I'd never been in the court house before, i wasn't even sure i was in the right room! At this point i was pretty much frozen with tension. My armpits were dumping more sweat into my shirt than i sweat in a 3 hour run. And it showed...horrific pit stains were creeping up to my shoulders. My pheremones were pumping too because i could smell myself...distinctly. All i could do was try and think of what to do next...but since i was horribly uninformed, it was tough to come to any solid conclusions.

9:27 am. I couldn't sit in the court room alone anymore so i walked out, only to run into my attorney. I quickly started asking him questions and he just silenced me with, "relax". heheh that pretty much did it. Come to find out the court screwed things up and i wasn't on the docket so we had to push ourselves in. I pleaded no contest, the defense had made a deal with my attorney for $350 fine, plus court costs, and it came out to $417 fine. I paid it and went home to change my shirt...it was soaked!

All done, no more worries. and no more altered tags!

As for what i'm doing today, i'm going to do a spinerval tape on my new 27" tv in front of my bike. I've been working very hard on planning next years workouts, and this weekend i'll be getting with Coach Diane to finalize everything. After last nights workout i'm going to make sure i have more snacks at work. Sunday: LAN party! the second LAN party with co workers. It'll be fun, last time we had 8 people, this time we'll have around 12. (For those of you who don't know what a LAN party is....it's when a whole bunch of people bring their computers to one central place, hook them all together and play games against each other like Quake and Unreal Tournament.) It's a 12-16 hour gig and it's always a blast.

Saturday i told Diane i wanna do 3.5 hours of hills, mileage is unimportant.

Till later...

Tonights workout didn't go as planned but it was still ok.

FIrst off let me direct you to my fitday link of today. I didn't eat shit today and 1700m into my 2200m workout i started to get really weak, dizzy, and i couldn't keep my legs floating...i kept sinking. DING! time to get out and get a protien/carb shake. SO i got out with intentions on drinking down the shake, resting for about 15 minutes then lifting when i saw Dan ( the PT guy that wants to train me). i had called him last week and he never returned my call so i was a little irritated, but he explained that the first part of my message was garbled on his phone and he couldn't figure out who it was. His client didnt' show up and we got a hcance to talk for an hour. Things are looking up again and he's a really great guy. I think we're going to be quite good friends, aside from him training me. He's going to take me to see his new gym before it opens, and we're going to do some preliminary stuff.

By the time i was done talking to him it was 8 and i was hungry again. So i decided to go grab something to eat and go home.

My swim workout was good though. Diane had made one up for me but i forgot it at work, so i did this before bailing:

WU:
150 swim
150 paddles
150 swim

Main set: 1000m
200
250
100
75
50
25
10 second rest for all above on each set
30 rest between upper and lower set
10 second rest for all below on each set
25
50
75
100
150
200

30 sec rest
i was supposed to do 9x50 but i only ended up doing 3 before i bailed.

Overall it was a good workout. Oh yeah and to my suprise i was also below 230...229. heheh. Gotta mark it on fitday.

EDIT
I wish they had the times on the fitday site. Either way, i ate the Moe's Burrito at 1:30 pm. then didn't eat agian until that bally's shake, at 7. thats where my weakness came from.

Diane gave me a 2200m swim workout today, and it looks pretty easy. No stairs or mountains (stairs: 25 fast 50 easy, 75 fast, 100 easy...etc) (Mountain...same as stairs, but at the apex, you reverse it...100 fast, 75 easy...50 fast...25 east...they can go up to 500m) Just a bunch of repeats of longer intervals. I'm not going to complain though, my back and shoulders are still sore from carrying those TV's.

As for lifting, i'm going to stick with the trinewbies plan. I called the Personal Trainer who was going to train me and he never called me back. I sincerely think that lifting has attributed to my climbing comfort and ability.

Michelle and i, after a few weekends of havning fun finally decided it wasn't right. Us having fun, while she's dating someone else wasn't working for her, so we're back to just being work buddies. I don't think it's possible for us to hang out as friends, there's just too much there. Better off for both of us i'm sure.

Carl is going to be doing the Disney marathon soon, he wants to qualify for boston...and he's probably going to do it! His very first marathon. Go carl!

A very busy weekend: Lets start with Friday night.

There is a huge event going on that Colorvision (the company i work for) is taking part in. Of course, all the plans for displays and artwork were thought up the day before the event weekend, so i was here until 8 pm making displays and such on friday..with intentions of coming in on saturday and sunday to finish up. Ugh.

Saturday morning i awoke to a frigid morning. Windy and cold. I drove out to Clermont for my very first hill workout. Diane met me there and we suited up. I have NO cold weather gear, so my cold weather attire consisted of my trisuit(sleeveless) with my long sleeve bike jersey over top of it. The beginning of the ride was cold, but as the day wore on, and as i continued to cycle, i warmed up pretty good.

Now lets talk about hills. i LOVE hills! Diane was impressed with my climbing ability since i've never done a hill workout before. She wasn't feeling so hot in the beginning so we took a flatter route for about 5 miles before hitting the hills again. Some of the hills were long grades, some of them were steep steps that i had to really crank to get up..my max HR on the ride was 182. I was very happy with my climbing ability. I remember riding with the roadies and barely being able to climb...but saturday i was climbing bigger hills, faster, still sitting. I rarely got up. I really wanted to trash my quads. Diane wasn't having such a good day and i had to wait for her quite a few times, but that just made her wnat to come out to clermont more to work the hills...which is perfectly fine with me. After 38 miles of hills, i was still ready to do the whole thing over again. 3 hours and i felt like we had just started. When we got back to the car i threw on my running sneaks and went for a 20 minute run. It was nice, but i got the foot numbness agian. While i was running i was going over when the numbness started...how it started. And i remembered: it didn't happen (though i had been running miles on these shoes without problems) until i put the race laces on. For some reason these particular laces don't work right with my foot. And it was further enhanced that after i got in the car, the numbness didn't go away until i took my sneaker off. So i'm going back to regular laces for now and we'll see...i'm excited if i can start running again!

Now, i loved the hills. I can't wait to do it again. I'm going to break my vow not to spend anymore money on triathlon this once though. I'm going to get Arm/Leg warmers damnit! Come January it's NOT going to heat up during the ride, and sweaty, going down hills will not be good for my immune system. i think performance has a deal where you get both arm and leg warmers for like 35 bucks. Not bad. This weekend i worked 13 hours overtime, so i'll be getting a phat check, and also signing up for the half Ironman in Panama City.

Sunday i didn't do a whole lot, helped my friend move his new 27" HDTV up three flights of stairs, then his old 27" tv DOWN the stairs, and UP the stiars to my place. My legs felt very good sunday, but today their talkin to me a bit, so is my back and shoulders. Though i can't wait to do my swim workout tomorrow. I'm really starting to get this train called triathlon training moving, i'm reinvigorated. And thinking about it now...perhaps i needed a few weeks off, and i'm glad each of those weeks i did SOMETHING, a FEW workouts, and didn't just veg completely. This 'off time' was shorter and more productive then last years thats for sure! No worries, i'm back!

Well i feel fantastic this morning. Ready to go running, ready for this weekends Hill workout in Clermont. Just feel good. Might have something to do with the fact that Michelle and i have come to a neutral ground and will be 'seeing' each other every so often. What i need to do now is keep up the motivation. When i move i'll be putting up a mural of Lance, and some other stuff.

I'll be keeping track of my diet on fitday AS WELL as my exercise. I won't be using Coolrunning anymore for exercise. I want to see my calories in/out all in one page. I may keep track of mileage on coolrunning only. But we'll see. Maybe i'll just make a spreadsheet.

Today i felt like total crap in the morning, then felt better later, then had chinese for lunch and feel like crap again. Just an up and down day, i must be PMSing. Anyway i got an extension cord for the tv in my room, so i can watch a movie or something...either that or i just thought i could put my bike in front of my computer and watch a DVD or something. Going to do an hour tonight on the trainer.

Someone stirred up some emotions today on the Coolrunning boards, and it's spurred me to take some drastic measures regarding my fitness and finances.

First, let me quote my post on coolrunning so you can get a history of me. The post is in regard to someone telling G7(greyhound7) that after qualifying for the boston marathon in one year in her first marathon, she was lucky or something. Here was my response to her getting upset for people not giving her due credit for 1 year of seriously intense training:

I would just like to put what G7 is saying into perspective, for me anyway, for you if you don't quite understand.

I did the Body for Life challenge at 264 pounds 36% body fat. In 90 days I was 210 pounds, 16% bodyfat.



It was a dramatic drop, but here's how i did it:
Liquid diet. Only protien and meal replacement shakes for 14 days along with vitamins and orange juice. That was the beginning, 2 hours a day on the eliptical trainer, plus 1 hour of lifting 4 days a week. My drive and dedication was the most i've ever had.

After liquids i had a strict 1300 calorie diet. I was losing 6-8 pounds a week for the first few weeks. Unhealthy? yep, but i got the results i wanted.

I didn't see my friends or family for that whole 3 months, i did nothing but sleep, work, workout.

I spent all my money on supplements like Hydroxycut, boxes upon boxes of shake packets, creatine, intensity drinks....

And after that 3 months i started venturing out again, i had made my goal. People saw me and thought i looked wonderful, and i reveled in their compliments.

But there were those people that said some harsh things such as, "You're a guy, weight loss is easy for a guy"
"It's easier for you becuase you don't have a life"
"When i was (insert age) i lost (insert insane amount of weight) so it's no big deal"
"Man, you're lucky" WTF is that supposed to mean?

These things enraged me becuase i looked back at the last 3 months of my life, all the things i went without...the first bite of real food after 14 days of liquids hurt my stomach so bad i had cramps for hours. The pain of getting off the elipse and knowing i still had to lift heavy weights for an hour. Getting home every night at 9:30 and showering, then going directly to bed.

All the hunger i went through because i was practically starving myself. The elevated heart rate from all the supplements, the stress of gaining a pound, or not losing 3.

By saying anything with the word 'easy' in it, it cheapened my gains and angered me.

Now the point of my post.

G7 is simply asking you to recognize her accomplishment not by telling her where she can go with her talent but where she can go by continuing her hard work. She's worked very very hard for what she has, and there's no beginners luck or anything of the sort involved.

It's not the Boston Marathon thats important, like G7 said, it's just another race. Since i'm a triathlete, Kona would be the Boston Marathon of Triathlon, and when i qualify for Kona it won't be the race that i'll remember most, it'll be the JOURNEY that got me there.

Because our characters are defined not by what we've accomplished, but by how we accomplished it.

One final note:
When i qualify for Kona I will still feel humbled becuase i don't have a house, wife, kids, or those type of responsibilities. There is a pro racer right now (i forget her name) who is top 5 at every championship you can imagine, and she works full time with 2 kids and a husband. She works while riding her trainer or running on her treadmill. THAT's character, THAT's determination...THAT's a hell of a journey.


Well this has spurred me to get serious with my finances (as well as fitness) and i redesigned my financial plan to put me out of interest free debt in 13 months. This is a hell of a crack down, limitinig my savings (which i always use for the wrong reasons) and my spending money each week to myself. But....13 months and i would have an extra $554 dollars to roll into my very own spending account. One year, and i could buy new wheels when i wanted to, sign up for whatever race, fly out of state.

If i can do liquids for 14 days through the xmas holidays, i can buckle down my spending.
Living with my coach will make it easier for me to buckle down on my fitness too.

It's time to make the change and rid myself of this baggage. It's not a lot of baggage, and when i think of a certain friend of mine who has so much he's ready to drown, i think about how 1 year isn't so much time to suffer a little, for 50 more years of debt free living.

I suck a big brown ass! I set my alarm for 6:45 this morning so i could get up and spin for 1/2 hour on my bike. But instead i spun my hand to the snooze button till 8! I suck I suck I suck.

There, now...today i'm going to Swim and lift and talk to Dan about setting up a meeting to work things out.

Till then:

Goals for the Day:
Eat well (already had a steak sandwhich for bfast)
Workout
Talk to Dan

I never got fitted for my bike, i adjusted it as i saw fit and struggled with a little bit of uncomfortability in the beginning, actually all season.

Well lately i made a 1 degree adjustment to my aerobars and witnessed a huge change in comfort, my 3 hour rides don't hurt my traps so much anymore, but my neck is still stiff towards teh end.

I was reading an article today that said you're handlebars should be equal to or 2 inches ABOVE you're seatpost height. and in small text it said, "Very few elite level athletes have their handlebars lower then the seat"

Well looking at my bike today, my handlebars are a solid 2.5 inches BELOW my seatpost. LOL. I have to crane my neck pretty good to keep looking ahead...

When i get home i'll space it out, but i think my bike comfort just got solved.

Well what a weekend. I ate like shit, i hardly did any exercise (my sole ride being today for 45 miles with Diane)

So as for my goals: ride indoors with spinerval...nada
Ride thursday at 8 am iwth Diane...nada she called and canceled
Eat like a mofo: Cha ching!
Drink like a lush: Cha Ching!
Go to henry's wedding: Cha Ching!
Saturday mid afternoon ride: Nada
Sunday run..nada biked instead.

Ok now for a more detailed list of things i did.

Wednesday night i hooked up the vcr and TV but dont' have an extension cord to plug the TV in with. So that was a no go. Diane called and canceled the ride on Thursday, so i got up around 10 and went on down to Rex's place to have thanksgiving iwth him and his girlfriend. That was a good time. I started drinking around 1 pm with smirnoffs, and didnt' stop until about 1:30 am when i finally went to bed. We had a good lunch, then went over to his friends house for dessert. What a mad house! kids all over the place, desserts a la carte, i stuffed myself. Didn't get to drink there, so when we got back to his place i resumed with wine. After watching a late showing of "O" (which was decent) i finally crashed. On Friday I was supposed to go with Rex to Islands of Adventure but then i remembered: Henry's wedding!

I went home and called Michelle who was supposed to go with me (my xgirlfriend) and we went to Ross to get a gift for the bride and groom. After that we went to her place, got ready and left for the wedding. I was feeling a bit vulnerable on Friday for some reason (blame it on period) so i was a little emotional despite not being with Michelle in a few months, and her already seeing someone else. Got to the wedding just in time for them to say "I do" and walked up to the reception.

Now, understand that at a normal wedding, you have a DJ, a bartender and food with a dance floor. This wedding had something special though, the owner of our company set up his karaoke machine! Unfortuantely the other DJ hogged most of the air for the wedding but a few songs did get sung: more on that later.

The first thing i noticed as i walked up to the open bar was the bar tender. Oooooo how very fine she was. I ordered my drink, gave her a smile and walked back to my table which consisted of my boss and some other co workers (the 'cool' table). I started asking michelle and others what the plan was if i wanted to pick up this bartender and they all gave me the advice they could. I worked my magic all night until finally she politely told me she had a boyfriend after i asked her if we could talk after the wedding on less formal terms.

Alcohol for me:
5 Screwdrivers
2 shots of Jaghermiester
1 shot tequila
1 glass of wine

I was very buzzed, but not too bad. I did eat so that helped.

Michelle on the other hand was hammered. She'd been drinking Chardonney all night. She'd never had wine before.
Michelle got up and sang "I will survive" and it ended up being the center piece of entertainment. Henry, on his knees, double fisting two bottles of wine bent down and kissed her feet after she was done. Oh yeah, and i somehow managed to catch the garter (AGAIN, i ALWAYS get it) and had to stick it up this 'not so pretty' ladies leg. The night was winding down (or up since it was only 7 pm) and a bunch of us decided to go to Samba room for some mroe drinks.

Now is a good time to tell you that MIchelle and I agreed to end the party early and go home and sleep. We went together in her car, and i knew i needed to ride with Diane on Saturday so i didn['t want to ruin that.

Yea right.

We end up at the Samba room for a few hours, Michelle is so hammered i[m just feeding her water and coke for the rest of the night. Around 11 i'm tired, cranky, and i want to go sleep somewhere. I knew i'd end up sleeping at Michelels because she was too drunk to drop me off then go to her place. No biggie...but Michelle wasn't done, she wanted to go to Cricketers Arms Bar with some other people. I argued with her telling her i wanted to go but in the end she won, we went to Cricketers.

The instant i walked in there i knew it was a bad idea, the live music was splitting my head. So i immediately walked up to Arnold and asked him if he'd drp michelle off if i left. He agreed and i left within 5 minutes of walking in. On my way out i saw Michelle and told her what was up, and was dissapointed that she started drinking again, after i spent hours trying to sober her up.

By this time i'm barely buzzed having drank a lot of water and ate some bread at Samba Room.

I drove to Michelles and crashed immediately. What a night....oh but wait! the night isn't over yet!!

2:00 am. I'm awoken by a naked person ripping my shirt off me...
I awoke to the alarm at 7:50 slightly hung over, but my quads were in sad shape from 2 hours of wild animal sex. I got up, drove home and called Diane, i wasn't gonna make it. Sad thing is, i ate immediately after the phone call and felt better right away. Still i hung home and didn't do much all day. I returned Michelles car and when i walked in it was differetn. It was better. I had been feeling a bit uncomfortable around her lately, but when i walked in this time it was like all kinds of pent up aggression and 'unknown' type feelings were just gone. I hugged her and she said, "I said a lot of things last night...." And i just said, "Don't worry about it, it was something we both needed and i feel better about it." "Me too," she said, " But just don't think that'll happen again."

I smiled.

Today i got up, drove an hour to a trail i'd never been to before and rode 45 miles with Diane. It was a good ride. 15.1 avg on the way there, 15.5 on the way back. It was some cold though, and the trail was mostly shaded so the sun didn't help much. We talked about future plans and all kinds of stuff, it was nice. I can't wait till i get this fat off though and can ride faster!! gotta stick to my fat burn plan though.

Had some chinese today and did groceries. Tomorrow is laundry! Very happy with the outcome of this weekend, just hoped i'd have gotten more exercise in.

I couldn't ask for a better set up.

Last night i was talking with a personal trainer named Dan. He's been a personal trainer for 10 years and has agreed to take me in and set up my nutritional and weight lifting routines. This guy seems really excited to do his best to get the most out of my potential. Thing is, i joined my gym 4 years ago, and he's the first person i've asked for help, and the only reason i asked him is becuase he's the only personal trainer that was there when i signed up, and is still there now. He's also a great and friendly guy.

SOOOOO, living with a coach, having a PT to go to to set up nutrition and weights...looks like next year i could make some incredible gains, so long as i stay focused!

As for last night, i swam for 45 minutes, (only did 1400m but i was helping a guy with his stroke for a little while) and lifted, then talked to Dan.

For the next 3-4 weeks he told me to increase my reps to 15-25 and lower my weights, so that's what i'm gonna do. Some 'base strengthening' for when i go see him about some serious workouts.

Got home and wasn't hungry (hadn't eaten anything since lunch, but lunch i had All you can eat Chicken!) but i ate a piece of chicken and some veggies anyway. I've been getting to bed a little later then usual lately but thats only because i rented a fun game for my Xbox, after i return it on sunday things'll be back to normal.

Plan for the Holiday:
Ride today indoors using a spinerval tape.
Ride tomorrow morning at 8am with Diane
Eat like a mofo
Drink like a lush
Friday: Go to Henry's wedding
Saturday: Mid afternoon ride
Sunday : Run maybe.

This foot thing: it's really beginning to eat at me because i can't really consider it an injury. It sort of developed, and as far as i know no amount of rest will 'heal' it. It's just a mechanical thing. Why didn't it happen last year? Looks like i have to try on a new pair of sneakers. : sigh : I'll be happy when i find the perfect sneaker. I just don't haev the money to go buying another pair of sneaks. I really thought these Brooks Beasts were the godsend. In terms of my achilles they were...I'm just not convinced an orthotic will work, i think i'd be better off getting sneakers. I may just go up to gainseville and do the track test and video gait test to make sure i get into the right sneaker. I'll have to talk to Carl about that, he said there's a great runnign shoe store up there. Maybe i'll do that around Xmas, or just after. For now i'm going to have to use the eliptical. i can't imagine using the eliptical for 2 plus hours....but i do what i have to do.

Since i'm still in my 'fitness' stage, (Base building begins at the end of Jan) i guess it's not that big of a deal. I still may do the OUC Half marathon in 2 weeks, then again, i may be just asking for trouble. We'll see.

Last night i had chicken and veggies, and today for lunch the same thing. I mixed up broccoli, asparagus, carrots and green beans in a pot and steamed the crap out of em till they were mushy...mmm mmm good!

I'm actually thinking about going out with the roadies at 8 am on Thursday for a pre dinner ride, then going directly to rex's house to drink and have a good time.

Tonight, SWIM LIFT! i'm really beginning to enjoy this day (swim lift days). I forgot my HR monitor but that's ok, i'll do my workout then lift, then chicken and veggies!

One thing i wanted to mention about friday...I did swim and lift. :) Then i ate chinese :( This was just a chinese weekend for me i guess.

Oh yeah, and about my ride yesterday..earlier last week i made a small (2 degree) adjustment to my aerobars which seemed to really help. My neck wasn't stiff barely at all after my ride and i just felt more comfortable while riding.

Goals for teh day are to eat right. No workouts on monday.

What a beautiful ride today...yep, i rode today instead of yesterday. Yesterday was just a lazy day for me...: shrug : nothing i can do about it now.

Today though, i woke up at noon (!) and immedietely left the house to go for a ride. I planned on 3 hours but only ended up with 2.5...more on that later.

The one thing i want to point out today is as i was riding back, hte sun was going down and the shadows were growing long...and the tempereture was perfect...i started to day dream back to my childhood...when it wwas near dinenr time and i was riding my bmx,scooter,rollerblades home to eat. The sun'd be going down, i'd be dirty as hell from playing with friends all day...it was just a great feeling. Made me smile.

Now for the temperature. When i got up i remembered it had gotten to 40 last night so i put on my desoto trisuit, and zipped on my sleeves onto my sleeveless jersey and put that over the suit. When i walked outside it was pretty warm and i debated on whether or not to leave the jersey at home, but i kept it on becuase i was out of sunscreen and 2.5 hours in the sun is just looking for a burn.

Good thing i kept them on. Even though i was sweating a bit at the start of the ride, it didn't take long for that sweat to start getting cooler with the cool wind and my speed. I ended up at 34 miles at 15.1 mph. One thing that sucks is the trail only goes 15 miles...at mile 14.5 it splits off onto another trail, and as i found out today, there's a reason no one goes passed that part. GHETTO city! I literally turned around after a couple miles and rode the ROAD back to the fork because there were a lotta shady people on the trail and i didn't want them screwing with me. Not fun.

The bad thing today is i couldn't make up my mind what to eat and ended up eating chinese :S fuck i'm an idiot, but it could have been worse....somehow right?

Overall i'm happy i rode, and even really enjoyed the time of day i rode...coming back with the sun going down. Cleaned my room and now i'm going to go see Bond!

Well last night just plain sucked. TOTALLY sucked. Here's why.

I left work at 5 pm and forgot to transfer money between two of my accounts (just something i needed to do), got to the gym, put the pad in my sneaker that the podiatrist gave me to help with my foot problem, started running and within 5 minutes the burning and numbness was back so i ended at 30 minutes, then on the way home i was supposed to pick up dinner for my roomates and drove passed the place, turned around, didn't have enough money for what they ordered so i had to remove stuff, then got home and just vegged, pissed off.

To make matters worse, i slept wrong last night and my neck is KILLING me. I'm looking VERY forward to my swim tonight and lift. I hope my neck crink goes away.

Tomorrow i'm going to ride with Diane and talk more about living together and stuff out at the Trail.

First of all, holy crap am i hungry! I miscalculated my snack portions today and i'm starving! Luckily Michelle had some rice cakes for me to spread a little peanutbutter on. So i'm content now, and i can have a shake later...for dinner though, not sure what i'm going to do.

Another thing...i'm feeling a bit sad right now too and thought i'd share my thoughts.
Michelle (For those of you who don't know was my girlfriend for a few years, we broke up, got back together, and are now broken up again...for the final time) is now seeing someone else after a few weeks of being broken up. This didn't really bother me that much, but deep down i was feeling something i just couldn't figure it out.

Well i've figured it out. While going to lunch yesterday (i work with her) we were in the car together and it was just weird. She hasn't really talked to me or confided anything to me, and generally been shady about her dealings (feeling guilty? Who knows, who cares) with me. I asked her opinion on a few subjects as i expressed mine and she didn't really have an answer. Basically i figured it out. Someone who i confided every thought to, every idea or dilemma, someone i talked to and at everytime something crossed my mind is now gone. She won't confide in me anymore so i'll not confide in her. She doesn't care about my life anymore.

Thats fine and dandy, but it sorta sucks because i'm always happier when i can express myself ALL THE TIME (hence this journal) but i'm happIEST when i get expression back. Writing on blog is like talking to a brick wall, i don't get feedback, which is also important to me.

I think the suddeness of it all sorta is what is making me sad, but i'll get over it and find another confidant...unfortunately with my time restrictions it'll probably have to be someone online or something, i don't have time for girls! :)

Wow, i sure am sore today. Thats good but i gotta lift again tomorrow...heh. Tonight i have all my stuff for running, i just havn't picked a place to run yet. It does get dark quickly and there's not a whole lot of lit places to run. It's definitely safer to run in Metrowest, so it'll be around there somewhere. I also forgot my fuel belt, but it's so cool out, a 60 minute run shouldn't require too much hydration, i might just make a store stop.

So my goals for the day were met for the most part. Yesterday I:

Ate well
Rode on my trainer for 45 minutes
Went to bed at exactly 11:10.

Today's goals are:
Eat well
Run for SIXTY minutes
Go to bed before 11

I added a new link to the left, to my coolrunning exercise log. Just enter tburt75 as the username, and triathlete as the password. Then you can view what i've been doing!

Man, I'm SO glad i trained last night. I can't believe how good i feel after each workout and the morning after, yet i still can make excuses. :( Regardless i'm nice and sore today, i'm going to ride for an hour on my trainer tonight. Since i bought groceries i will EAT RIGHT today. ;) Wish i had gotten just another hour of sleep, been going to bed around 10 each night but last night i didn't get to bed till midnight.

GOALS:
Eat well
Ride for an hour on my trainer
Go to bed before 11

The water...its quite an enigma for me. Some days it just comes together, i flow through the water, feeling the water just flow over me, into the crevice of my shoulder and over my back. I swam for a half hour and only took in water 3 times witha misbreath. I've gotten my rotation back and now i breathe evenly on both sides. I guess i just can't swim slow. The slower i swim the more i break down and more pissed off i get. Today my avg heart rate over that half hour was 14 beats higher then my running and cycling avg HR. It was 149 with a max of 174.
Weight lifting after swimming as hard as i did was tough. Once i got ot shoulders i was tiring quickly. Something to note: I won't be doing anymore squats, and while in the pool i noticed my lower back aches...so i added some lower back weight training to my routine.

One more note: I saw the most beautiful girl i've ever witnessed at the gym today. Her stomach was so perfect, her form so incredibly balanced, and a beautiful face to go with it...it was hard not to stare. I was in awe. And to top it all off she had a friendly demeanor, not a haughty one. What would i do with a girl that beautiful? Totally make a fool of myself i suppose. It's dangerous to be in a relationship with a girl that beautiful...god the power she'd have over me; it'd be frightening. It's nice to dream though.

My good deed for the day: A guy was complaining about his goggles leaking so i gave him one of a few spare pair i had in my bag. He was quite thankful and they didn't leak (of course, they're speedo!) and he was able to finish his set.

Did groceries today...finally. And made some plans with Diane to move in together. What could be better? She a coach, me a triathlete....who wants to be a coach. So that should happen December 25th or so.


It's almost 10..i got home tonight at 9:30. Pleasantly exhausted. I like working my ass off...it really lets me sit down and think of the finer things in life...think deeply. I'm exhausted physically but not mentally and being in that state generates more ideas and creativisms then any other time in my life. I think of most of my stories and grand plans right after a workout where i'm just vegging. Good stuff.

While i was in Wal*Mart doing groceries i kept thinking of how a relationship would work. I simply can't come up with a solution that would be fair for both sides. I work out so much, and when i'm not working out i'm planning my future and doing things towards that end. From now on i have to approach a girl like this, 'Hi, i'd like to date you but we can only see each other on saturdays and sundays, just during hte afternoons because i have to go to bed early for my monster workouts..." Who the fuck would agree to that?? Looks like i'm going to be single for awhile. and as it always is...it sucks and is good. Good because less complication, less reasons to skip workouts. Bad because for christs sake i'm a 23 year old male who can't get any punanie!

Why are people so stupid! After two years of telling him how to lose weight, keep it off and be healthy the rest of his life, he tells me today he's going on Atkins. NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! God damn son of a bitch motherless goat herder! Gaw...some people never learn.

Supposed to swim tonight, but instead gonna hop on my trusty trainer for 45 minutes....hmmm after i weight lift. Yeah. Or shit...maybe i'll just go swim and lift. I can ride tomorrow when i'm SUPPOSED to.

Well it certainly has been awhile hasn't it? Quite a lot has happened since Friday and here's a short retelling of it.

Friday i didn't make it to the gym. I was thinking about my first century on Sunday and didn't want to be overly sore like i was last sunday. I had forgotten all about the wedding i needed to go to on Saturday....

Saturday rolled around and i went to the wedding. The guy at the bar was pouring em like he owned the place and i promptly got trashed with a camera in hand. I had the greatest fun taking all 308 pictures with the $1000 digicam i got from a friend. ANd those pics were the best of the reception. Soooo...we went to a bar afterwards where i had another drink and saw Lisa (girl i dated awhile ago). She gave me her number (i called and left a message tonight, i won't hold my breath) and later on i dropped Michelle off at the Ale House. Went home and crashed at about 1:30.

Woke up at 7 am and puked up about 3 full drinks worth of undigested alcohol in my stomach. After that i felt pretty good and was going to get ready to ride when my left hamstring just siezed. I had to spend the next 20 minutes stretching it so i could walk on it. It was so tight you'd think....i took pictures while crouching for say...4 hours? Shit. Not only that but the wind outside was blowing 30mph and making my blinds go crazy.

Hurt hamstring
30mph winds
HILLY 102 MILES

I don't want to DNF my first century, so i went back to bed. Later that day i watched Harry Pothead 2 which was decent.

Today i got my CycleOps Fluid2 trainer! YAY! All i need now is a VCR and i can start watching tapes. I put the trainer together and rode it for a few minutes, it's pretty cool, works nice. Interestingly enough they give you a skewer to use for the trainer. When i took off my Dura Ace skewer and picked up the factory one they give you, i noticed a SIGNIFICANT difference in weight. WOW! i didn't know skewers could weigh that much! heheh. But thats the one i'll use for awhile.

Today i'm back on the horse, and tomorrow i'm going to swim maybe...definitely ride if i dont' swim...and lift.

I'm starting to lose my motivation for swimming...and thats a bad thing considering all my tri's next year will be about 1 mile swims. I'm not sure why, i used to love the water. Something i'll have to ponder for awhile.

Two days till my 102 mile trek accross clermont. I can't say that i'm nervous, but i'd be lying if i told you i wasn't the least bit worried. The roadies gave me some encouragement. I'm getting a new bottom bracket next week because mine won't stop squeeking, but other then that i should get my trainer and be happy next week.

Tomorrow i'm going riding with diane for about 20 easy miles as a warmup to sunday. Also to talk about coaching.
GOALS:
EAT GOOD
SWIM/LIFT
Get decent sleep

Oh yeah, got back from the ortho today and the doc will make me an orthotic to help, but it'll cost me $275. as if i need any more things to spend money on. :rolls eyes: Just one more thing to add to the list. He gave me some pads to put in my sneakers that should help for now...

Did 45 minutes on the elipse, and ate well today.

Well i'm a slacker, yesterday i didn't workout and i ate semi crappy because iw as at a convention all day. Tonight i'm going to bike for 45 minutes and elipse for 45 minutes. I've eaten well today, but not much. Check out my fitday results, so far at 1pm i'm only just over 1000 calories. :( i'll see if i can't get that up a bit.

GOALS:
Eat right
WORKOUT

Well i tried to complete my last goal of yesterday...get decent sleep by going to bed at 10, but the phone rang 4 times till midnight and i couldn't get to sleep after that. last time i looked at the clock it was a few minutes to 1. I'm not tired today but i am a little sore from lifting.

Something to mention about my lifting session last night, i was pretty focused. Some of my old 'beastly focus' came back from my earlier days of lifting and i started concentrating on the muscle groups and squeezing the shit out of them. It definitely worked on my shoulders because they're pretty tight today.

Today during work i gotta go to a Photoshop convention so i'm not sure what i'm gonna be able to eat. Also, i'm supposed to bike today and i'll go to Bally's and do the stationary for 45 minutes or so. I may even do an additional 1/2 hour on the elipse. I'm pretty stoked about losing 4 pounds last week. It's a lot of weight, but i'm not concerned about it since it's my first week of weight loss. If i drop 4 this week i won't be overly concerned, but if i drop another 3-4 the week after i'll start looking into why i'm losing so fast.

Ok i did all my goals so far, the pool was closed so i did 45 minutes on the elipse, then lifted. It was cool to see 2 of my old lifting buddies from when i was a hardcore super duper uber lifter. My knees hurt from doing squats though, not sure if i'm gonna keep up with that one.


ALso: Jumped on the scale before my workout...234...down 4 pounds from last week. thats good. funny thing is when i got on the scale after it said 230...? i'll go with the 234.

My trainer shipped today, hoping to get it next monday. I feel much better today. I'm going to swim and lift today at the gym.

I'm about to go to Moe's for lunch because i didn't cook lunch last night. I'm gonna get a chicken burrito with no sour or guac. I'll try and estimate my calories and crap on my fitday site, but it won't be ALL that accurate. I brought some shakes into work so i'll drink one down at around 5 for pre workout build up.

Cyberswimclub ends at the end of this week and i think i'm going to just take the last 5 weeks and repeat them. I've spent enough money on traithlon for this year, i can't afford to renew.

I'm gonna do a 20 mile ride this saturday in preperation for the century ride this sunday. I've come to the conclusion that i MUST NOT worry about the century and just do it. Worrying about it will put me in a bad mindset and that'll doom me.

Goals for the day:
Good diet the rest of the day!
SWIM AND FRIGGIN LIFT DAMNIT!
Get decent sleep.

Oh and here's the trainer i got.

CycleOps Fluid2

I'm in a really pissy mood today, can't quite figure it out. I can't satisfy myself it seems. Ideas, hunger, awakedness....nothing is satisfying today. Can't seem to smile. Hoping tomorrow i'll be over this. The weather is good, friends are good...just...not happy in the place i am right now. I am a little tired but-

So last week was good...i had a good diet, exercised every day except sunday...first week down. Now not to screw up this week. ;)

I went to see Bowling for Columbine...go see this movie. It's amazing.

I have a lot more to say but deadlines at work are screaming...

Last night my legs started feeling really beat up again. Just aching and painful. I went to bed this way. I woke up this morning to a relatively fresh set of legs, but my upper body (shoulders and chest) are really beat up now...but from experience i can attribute THAT to weight lifting. I'm really glad i only did one set of each exercise, otherwise i'd be really hurting today. I"m debating whether or not to go to the gym and do the eliptical or to run anywhere.

I'm really going to be careful this coming Sunday at the 102 mile horrible hundred ride. I know i can complete this ride, but i don't really want to suffer too early so i'm going to make sure i have plenty to eat on the bike. Nutrition is the last thing i should have to worry about. I'm officially putting my time at 7 hours. I don't care whether i go over or under, thats just a realistic estimate i'm giving myself.

I really can't wait till the doors open for me to become a coach, i really want to coach people, i really want to get out of the 'office' life. Get active for a JOB for a change, do something i REALLY enjoy, be my own boss. Have intimate relationships with athletes who will depend on me to bring them success.

Looks like i could turn another leaf in my life, if Diane is willing to show me the ropes.

Just a quick note: I was feeling really beat up...like post race beatup. I decided to go and rent a movie, and get some food in me. When i ate the sandwich and salad i felt SO much better. Really had a bad case of mal nutrition today starting with my workout. Definitely gotta get more food in me, specially if i'm doing ANYTHING for 3 hours.

I just burned 2400 calories...oh my god. I drove an hour this morning to meet Diane at the Van Fleet trail. This is a VERY boring trail. No turns, No hills, no nothing but trees for 30 miles.

Let me just say, i LOVE riding with women! It's nice to be able to talk to these women with no alterior motives (sex) at all. We're totally honest with each other and their views on life are so much different and interesting then the guys i know. MOstly because i can predict my friends probably, but it's a really nice change. Found out Diane has had an incredible life, and she can help me get T3 going...even help me get certified and start getting started as a coach! that would rock!

So we ended up with 40 miles, at 14.8 avg. I tell you, this trail is so friggin flat my ass hurt at the end. I had to keep standing up to change positions. A few things contributed to my last 10 mile semi-bonk.

I didn't have enough fuel for this 3 hour ride. i only brought enough for 2 hours.
I lifted for the first time in forever yesterday so my legs were a litlte achy as were my traps and tri's.

No big deal...i can't believe i'm going to do 100 miles next sunday. But you know what? I havn't really hit a WALL in a long time, and i'm either gonna hit it or complete it. I'm actually looking forward to pushing myself to a limit i've never been to before. I'm thinking it'll take me 7 hours. Thats a long time to be in the saddle.

I also broke my chain on the trail, but quickly fixed it. It didn'ttake me more then 10 minutes to fix which is good. It would have been quicker but i put it through my deraillur wrong and had to re-do it.

Overall i was glad the ride was done, but also very glad i did it.

I got some work to do now, and also think i'll take a short nap. hehe.

I don't know why, but watching other people weightlift pisses me off to no end. 8 out of 10 of these dolts have the worste form in the friggin planet. Here's a guy with 45 pound dumbells in each hand, doing the "S" swerve with his body just to get it up to his shoulder. He's gonna break his fucking back one of these days. And the sad part is, the poor sap could probably barely put up 25 pounds with proper form. And here's another poor sap, on the bench: 2 45 plates and 2 25 plates on each side. He's a decent sized guy but with proper form he could never lift that, everytime he pushes the weight up his back arches like the McDonalds arches. I'd rather see someone do half reps then bad reps. Pisses me off so bad, just can't figure out why...why should i care?? BAH.

Anyway i ate a yogurt at 4 pm and started having stomach cramps by 5. I went to the gym and started doing some very nice swim work when the cramps were just too much. Every stroke and breath hurt. So i got out, changed and got on the eliptical. I had spent 15 minutes in the water so i spent half hour on the elipse. Then i did my full body circuit that i found on www.trinewbies.com under weight lifting. NIce program so far. Eager to get to the good stuff. A few friends of mine have done the whole 25 week program and seen gains in their power so i figure i'll do it.

I bought two boxes of protien light meal replacement shakes. That should last me awhile. I'll replace my dinners' with that.
I was a little suprised when i finished my workday 9-5 with only 1300 calories today. seems very low. I'll see what happens when i put my shake and shrimp on there.

Tomorrow i'm riding with Diane at a new trail, probably 60+ miles. that'll be good, then i gotta go into work and do some crap. Sunday i may go and hang out with francine but who knows.

I completed my goals for today...mission accomplished!

I got my helmet! I got my helmet! OMG OMG OMG it's SOOOOO comfortable! and sexy! I can't wait to ride with it tomorrow. I'm at work and i have it on...heheh.

Lunch: Ate my Boston Market, i was a good boy! Consistency Jed, CONSITENCY! Gotta stick to it.

Ok lets start out with my goals yesterday:
GOOD DIET: besides lunch (chinese) i did this well.
1 HOUR ON ELIPTICAL: Check.

Alright now goals for the day:
Boston market for lunch, white meat, a veggie no corn bread.
Swim, eliptical, full body circuit, go home go to bed.
No eating crappy.

My calvees are actually sore from the elipse last night. Thats crazy because when i run or bike for 3 times the amount of time they don't get sore. : shrug : progress i guess. Started my calorie counting...and as soon as i figure out how to make it public, i'tll be a link on the left. Oh yeah, I GET MY HELMET TODAY!!!! YAY!!! i can't wait! omg omg omg. anyway, tomorrow i'm going with Diane to a new trail to ride about 50 miles or longer. Then on Sunday i think i'll ride again. I bought my trainer today and should get it late next week, Cycle Ops Fluid2 Pro. 224 buckeroos! i've been saving for it, and it retails for 325 so i'm getting a good deal. Can't wait to spin every friggin morning on my own bike.

Also on the agenda: Buy shakes and snack bars. That'll be the staple in my diet again.

So i'm going back to my roots. I jumped on the scale today at the gym and i gained two pounds in the last few weeks. I'm PISSED! My eating habbits don't suck that bad, and my exercise habbits don't suck that bad...it's time to crack the fuck down. Back to the old fitness days when i was lifting and doing cardio religiously. IN an effort to maintain the sanctity of triathlon i thought i could run bike and swim my way to a nicer weight, but i can't bike becuase it gets too dark and now i can't run because my foots' fucked up. So i jumped on the eliptical trainer and was pleasantly suprised at how easy it is to just keep going on that thing. I used to do 2 hours a day, now i remember why. It's a very smooth machine.

I'm going back to shakes and veggies with chicken for dinner. Eggs in the morning. From this point on i'm going back to counting every friggin calorie that goes into my body and comparing it with my output. I'm going to be using the fit site to track my calories.

I'm just really dissapointed with myself, plus i can't stand my roomates any longer, i'm moving out at the end of next month and i can't bloody wait!

Well it's not Mortons Neuroma...it's a metatarsal that's pushed through the fat pad on the bottom of my foot and is pressing against the sensitive part of a nerve. I got xrays and this could be cured with an orthotic, or i may have to have surgury. Surgury would suck bad. Francine had surgery on her foot and couldn't do any weight bearing activity for 9 weeks! holy suck batman!

We'll find out soon enough. Today i blew one goal....i went and had chinese for lunch. :( I SUCK! just for that no 'off diet day' this weekend.

Holy crap it's cold here! It's like.....50 degrees! heheh. I think all the heat training i did this summer really thinned me out because i'm from Maine and i shouldn't be freezing in 50 degree weather.

As for my goals yesterday, i completed them all! Biked on the stationary for only 1/2 hour becuase my hamstrings hurt from teh uncomfortable seat (never thought i'd take my tiny racing seat over a big ass soft seat, but it really pushes against my hamstrings in my forward position and it hurts) then lifted upper body for a little while, then went home and played games.

Goals for the day:
GOOD DIET
GO and either RUN (depending on podiatrist app. today) Or go on the eliptical for one HOUR.

Forgot to mention: I'm going to see the podiatrist thursday. This 'hotspot' and numbness in my foot is not going away when i run so it's become a problem i can't handle anymore. This was my plea on coolrunning.com:
Ever since i raced at Disney i've had this recurring problem running.

I've been on these brooks Beasts for 3 months now and they've been a godsend in terms of no achilles pain or ankle pain. BUT, right between the two meaty parts of my left foot, The ball and the left meat 'pad'...DIRECTLY in the center is a spot that gets 'hot' after running for a short while. After a few minutes of this my pinky toe and part of the left side of my foot get numb, then the 'hot spot' starts to hurt with every foot strike.

I have no idea where this developed but it's really painful, even after running for an hour and fifteen minutes, i take my shoes off and the 'hotspot' hurts to walk on for a few hours after. When i rub it it seems like there is a bone close to the surface of the skin that's getting irriatated.

Any thoughts on how to prevent?

Or more importantly whats happening?



Someone suggested it's this:

Morton's Neuroma is a common foot problem associated with pain, swelling and/or an inflammation of a nerve, usually at the ball-of-the-foot between the 3rd and 4th toes. Symptoms of this condition include sharp pain, burning, and even a lack of feeling in the affected area. Morton's Neuroma may also cause numbness, tingling, or cramping in the forefoot.
Morton's Neuroma is a foot condition caused from an abnormal function of the foot that leads to bones squeezing a nerve usually between the 3rd and 4th metatarsal heads. Symptoms of Morton's Neuroma often occur during or after you have been placing significant pressure on the forefoot area, while walking, standing, jumping, or sprinting. This condition can also be caused by footwear selection. Footwear with pointed toes and/or high heels can often lead to a neuroma. Constricting shoes can pinch the nerve between the toes, causing discomfort and extreme pain.

The first step in treating Morton's Neuroma is to select proper footwear. Footwear with a high and wide toe box (toe area) is ideal for treating and relieving the pain. The next step in treatment is to use an orthotic designed with a metatarsal pad. This pad is located behind the ball-of-the-foot to unload pressure, and relieve the pain caused by the neuroma.

Last night it poured so bad, that a 1/4 inch crack in my window let in enough water to soak the PASSENGER seat as well as everything between. Anyway half way to the gym i realized i forgot to print my swim workout and forgot my sneakers. SO i had to improvise a swim workout and not lift. My swim workout was ok, but only lasted 20 minutes; here's why.

A hispanic lady who couldn't speak a lick of english was up at the front desk trying to get some sort of attention. This happens all teh time in Florida and i thought nothing of it. I walked in, changed jumped in the pool (not heated anymore...brrrr!) and started swimming. Now i have a problem with swimming now. My first 200 or so meters are so smooth, perfect, i mean i can really feel the water flowing over me and my body stay straight and high. But as i tire my form breaks down and i get angry and it breaks down even more. You wouldn't notice a difference if you were watching me ffrom poolside, but i can FEEL parts of my body pushing water and i can't stand it. I get frustrated and i just need to calm down and relax.

Anyway i'm resting between a set of 100m and i see that hispanic chick barge into the pool room, walk all the way around the pool and head for the emergency exit. I'm thinking, "People don't actually use those exits do they? The big red ALARM WILL SOUND usually causes them to find alternate ways of exiting a building" But not this smarty pants. She looks at the door for a second then just pushes through it. The alarm goes off.

This alarm SOUNDS like a fort knox alarm, but the response time is zero. It's just going off....and off....and off....in an effort to curb the annoying sound i started swimming but everytime i went for a breath it was in my ear. So i got out, changed, talked to some people, and left...and it was still going off. No one cares. : sigh :

So i went to Michelles (She's wanted me to stay at her place for a few days because 3 girls got raped near where she lives on seperate occaisions lately) and did some laundry, and went to bed early. Like 10.

One thing i want to add is i will be posting DAILY goals on this site, then tell you whether i met them. They will be VERY repetitive, but they will discuss the decisions i have to go through each day.

Goals for the day:
I started the day off so far with a french dip sandwich.
I will eat the rest of my healthy food today, nothing fried when i go out to lunch. I have to go out to lunch becuase my car needs dropped off at the mechanic.
I forgot my biking stuff for the gym. I will go home, get my backpack and go immediately to the gym. NO SLACKING OFF.
I will bike on the stationary bike (My arch nemesis is the stationary bike) for OVER AN HOUR.

Where to begin.....lets rewind time back to last Thursday.

I took care of all my crap and went home in preperation for my ride on Saturday. A nice thing to note on Saturday is that after i took my bike apart and put it back together it shifts better then before. I no longer have to upshift two gears, then down one to get it to shift properly. It's more 'on demand' shifting now.

Saturday went as described below.

Saturday night i arrived at Rex's place for the LAN party. Had a hugely fun time there, but forgot my network cable on my return trip home so i couldn't log onto the internet sat night or sunday.

Sunday i went and saw Jackass, funny movie, and ran for 1:15. I have a trouble spot on my foot that keeps hurting real bad and i have to figure out how to deal with it soon. It's directly in the middle front of my foot, between the ball and the outer edge. It's a sharp pain and after a little while the left side of my foot starts to go numb. Not good. I was however chased by a dog on more then one occaison while the owners looked on and smiled. Not my idea of fun and i was close to just fighting the dog and killing it (which i've done before) just to prove a point to the owner.

Today: Day off. I finally did a weekend where i biked AND ran. I'm proud of myself.

Oh yeah and last night i went to this new restaraunt and had a ceaser salad...just plain jane. They put so much cheese on thsi thing that it looked like it was snowed upon. I couldn't even taste the lettuce or ceaser. It was nasty. :(

What a beautiful day and a beautiful ride with some beautiful women. When i got to the trail it was 8:30 and i saw phil. I talked with him for a half hour before getting on my bike and starting my ride without Diane who i was supposed to meet. About half a mile up the trail two women come up on either side of me and say, "What's your name?" I replied, "Jed."

Oh, i'm diane and this is francene.

Diane is a 44 year old Ironwoman who's not trained or raced in a few years. she's very nice and good humored and a decent rider.
Francene is a 31 (i thought she was 25 MAX) year old woman who does adventure racing, she's not been on her road bike in a long time. Regardless she held up very well. The beginning part of the ride avg was 15.2 for the first 15 miles. Once we hit the horse farm though, i put it in my big ring and did some sprints. Francene thought it was fun trying to keep up with me and egged me on to keep going fast. Diane dropped back after finding another friend she knew and Francene and i sped off. She's got a very good sense of humor and i had her laughing quite a bit. The great thing about this ride was that it was over before i knew it. Thtas the benefit of riding with people, you talk and boom, hte ride is over.

Diane wanted to go to Clermont next weekend to ride hills, and thats cool with me. We'll see who else joins us but it should be fun.

Now i'm going to a LAN party at my friends house to play Unreal Tournament 2003 till the wee hours of hte morning, then running tomorrow.

Well even though today i took the day off from work, it's sorta sucked. The bank had a problem with direct deposit and didn't get the money into my account till 2 pm. Here i am at WORK printing out some flyers for a freelance client i have, just to pass the time. Oh well. At least i got to sleep in a little. I wanted to ride for a few hours today and i just might do that, but after dropping off these flyers, and going to the bank, then going to the bike shop for the parts i need to re-assemble my bike...it may be too late. Either way i confirmed meeting Diane tomorrow at the trail so that should be good.

I bought a Bell Ghisallo Large Yellow (the odds of finding that on ebay are so slim, i had to buy it!) helmet that i've wanted for a few months now. They retail for $140 and i got it with buy it now for $85. Some good. So now i've got my helmet and trainer...i'm good to go!

Ok Xlab saddlewing looks cool, but makes it so my bike doesn't fit in my friggin car! gaaaah! this morning i put my frame and fork in the car to take to the bike shop this afternoon because my fork is loose and i can't figure out how to tighten it. When i tried to clear the seat passed the hatchback the xlab kept hitting it. So after a few minutes of frustration i just pulled it off. grrrr. that'll be annoying. Off on Off on Off on...

Anyway i was wondering why i was feeling slightly burned out this week and realized i've been at it for 4 weeks straight, this is the 5th week. So i'm not overly worried about taking a day off or two this week. I'm definitely going to ride sat and run sun though. I actually can't wait. I'm most likely going to take Friday off as i mentioned before and if i do that i will go to teh trail and do a 20 or so mile ride. Probably ride it semi-hard just to make sure i can still do it. Today is 'Pig out' day at work...ugh. Everyone brings in all kinds of goodies and at noon time we all go in the conference room and eat. We'll see how that goes. :S I've done well this week though, the only thing i've messed up on is a mini snickers bar yesterday. And that's not like me, i really don't like candy.

Got my xlab saddlewing today. Can't wait to put it on my bike! Decided also to just get a new chain for my bike, and i gotta get two profile Kages for the saddlewing. I overspent a little bit (bought new Fortezza tri-comp tires yesterday) which hurt me heheh. Gotta wait till friday on the chain. And don't forget tubes! Tomorrow i'm supposed to go to Halloween Horror nights. Oh yeah i bought my trainer today too, gonna send that money over on friday. BUT the coast is clear, i don't think i'll need to buy much more except racing fees. I don't see myself training all that much over the next couple days because of Halloween but we'll see. Saturday i'm definitely riding and sunday i'm definitely long running.

Today dragged so bad at work it was pathetic. Ugh. I'm thinking of taking friday off and going for a semi-long ride. Just staying home and getting a shit load of freelance and perosnal work i've wanted to get done done.

Tonights workout was a giant bomb. First off i printed the wrong swim workout..i printed last weeks. Secondly after having a crappy day at work, i was just not in the feel for doing techincal stuff in the water and my form was suffering. I kept swallowing water and sinking....i just quit after 15 minutes. No sense in swimming crappy. Had a good dinner, finishing some freelance work and dreaming about tomorrow.

Ever had to sit back and watch a friend go down in flames and not be able to do a damned thing about it?

I just typed for the past 25 minutes explaining the whole ordeal, and when a friend sent me a link to a pic and i clicked on it, it opened it in THIS window instead of a NEW one and i lost all my f'ing typing! I F'ING HATE INTERNET EXPLORER! gah!

So here's the short version.

Josh and Kelly are friends from college.
They got married (to my dismay)
I convinced them to come to Florida to make something of themselves after a year working at Wallyworld in rural pennslyvania.
Kelly has been jobless for 8 out of the 14 months she's lived here even though i got her and him a job as soon as they stepped foot into this state.
Kelly has been a virus to Josh, eating his savings and everything else he owns, putting them in this predicament:

The company Josh has worked for for the past 6 months went bankrupt today.

They have no savings (Thanks kelly)
They have no money (Thanks Kelly)
They don't have money to cover rent (thanks kelly)
The phone was disconnected today (thanks Kelly)

Why does this bother me so much? Because Josh is my friend...bu tmostly because i live with them. in an effort to split bills and pay off debt we all moved in together in a 2 bedroom. I was horrified to find out the extent of Kelly's laziness and lethargy.

Everytime i see her she's on the couch eating a pint of ben and jerry's icecream.

In response to, "Kelly do you know you're gaining weight at an alarming rate?", she says, "It's becuase i'm not on my medication."

You mean you wouldn't gain weight eating all the f'ing lard and icecream and fried foods you do if you were on meds? I want those meds too!!
Her lack of responsibility is astounding. And Josh is jsut too much of a coward to kick her to the curb.

I've let him know how i feel on multiple occaisons and he doesn't want to hear it. He just bottles up his emotions and sticks them somewhere with the attitude, "If i don't think about it it won't happen."

The company Josh has worked for for the past 6 months has been telling him every so often that he couldn't cash his checks because they'd bounce. If any emoployer said that to me i'd be looking for another job. But Josh hasn't of course, becuase he's a f'ing loser!

God. I wish this didn't bother me so much but i know in the end Kelly is going to take all this heinous bullshit that they've been through and say, "Lets go back to PA being white trash, we were so comfortable there...."

I just want to purchas a one way ticket to pennslyvania, give ti to josh and say, Merry Xmas...give this to you're wife.