It's 10:47. I'm mildly intoxicated. I just watched Jerry Maquire. I'm listening to Loreena McKennitt. On my way into my room i had to move the two boxes that i brought from work, full of my personal affects.

I was terminated today.

The charisma i carried to that place outshined all other personalities. No one got as much attention then i did, whether i liked it or not. A solid silence will now permeate the air where i once was. Some will miss it, others will be thankful.

I do truly believe that this seperation was for the benefit of all parties involved. I truly believe this is the best case scenario. That if i hadn't made michelle cry, which started the chain reaction where i believed i'd be terminated all week: I'd have had some random day in some random month, been called into a random office, and termintated, with no knowledge prior. THAT would be the worst case scenario.

I think it's bed time.

After my swim workout i was walking to my car when i noticed a woman sitting in her car, doing her makeup in her vanity mirror. How odd i thought, why didn't she do her makeup in the gym? Then an absurd thought came to mind...Was she putting her makeup on, to GO INTO the gym?

I turned around at that thought, and sure enough, she emerged from her car, with no less then a little bag that had wheels on it, in her 4 inch high heels, and walked towards the gym.

Should have shot her in the head till she was dead; put her out of her misery. GIVE ME A BREAK! Bally's is Club Med only worse, i can't stand it! GAAAAAH! I can't wait till i get my USAT Training center membership, then i can cancel my Bally's crap and never go again!

Last night i had a weak moment and had a piece of Josh's birthday cake. :S nothing overly bad, i ate 1/4 of the slice that was left, so it wasn't overly huge. I went back for more but Josh butted in and said, "You don't want that." heheh. So i put it back.

I have the first 24 weeks of my training plan almost complete....and holy crap! I've got some serious training to do but i'm going to rise to the challenge. I'll be posting my schedule and maybe figure out a weekly visual aid or something so you can all keep up with my day to day doings.

More to come later...i'm going to run 1/2 hour tonight.

I got a bunch of orders from the Syndicate folks for posters, i'm under $100 now! next week i hope to send it all in and secure my place in the race. I did 1000m in the pool tonight thena te some sushi and a boca CHICKEN pattie. Chicken pattie was ok, the burgers are better! MmMMMMMMM!

This mornign i got up and had some extra energy so i decided to spin on my bike for half hour. I didn't even break a sweat, just sorta spun, and in doing so i found that my left foot 'snaps' forward at the bottom of each stroke, almost how your foot snaps when you're running just as your lifting your foot to propel yourself forward. I tried to correct it because my right foot does no such thing, but it was too natural. Not sure if this is effecting my pedal efficiency or not, i'll have to look into it. Also i'm almost positive now that my creaking on my bike is coming from my seatpost. heheh i'll oil it later this week.

Going to swim about 2000m today at varied difficulties, but nothing overly hard. Probably do a bunch of 100's and 50's instead of the longer sets. My IM schedule is starting to come together nicely now, i'm excited to start this weekend. I'm also convinced that in my current state i cannot do a marathon running the wholetime without big risk of injury. So at the request of some people i'm going to train a 1 minute walk at every mile, as if it were a water stop, and then run from there, treating each mile like an interval. That training will start this sunday with a 10 mile run. This may or may not help my hip.

Just got back from the gym, i ran 3 miles around the block, then lifted and now i'm home. Was a decent run, but right at 3 miles my hip started hurting, even when i increased my pace in an effort to change my stride and spend less time on each leg, it still hurt a bit. I'm just going to make it out to be a comfortability issue until it starts hindering me.

The meeting today went very well...i do believe that this will all end with a happy ending , it's now up to the president of the company. If he believes me and what i've said, and allows me to correct a few things, then everything will be well.

I can only hope now.

After much delibertation with friends and with myself, and after a nearly sleepless night, today i've decided to go to the HR and tell my side of the story. Not to cause any ruckus, but to put my side on paper, so i have a foot to stand on if push comes to shove. I'm going to type a statement and also verbalize my concerns this morning.

I don't expect i'll be working here very much longer and thats a very very sad prospect for me. I've put a lot of myself into this department, more then any other job i've ever had. I've developed relationships, all unique with 35 different employees. I've drank beside some of them, i've laughed beside most of them...leaving here or getting terminated will be a very sad day indeed.

Amongst all of this, i can't let my training endeavors waiver.This morning i didn't go lift, but then again, i got very little sleep. Instead i chose to sleep but will go lift tonight. Since this is an off week i'll swim tomorrow: No doubles this week. Then next week back in full force. I'm also watching my calorie intake, yesterday i took in about 1000 calories, i know it's low but i couldn't eat after the incident with Dick. I'm going to try and keep it around 1600 all week.

Wish me luck today.

I've deleted this post in anticipation of the end of the incident, adn out of respect of fellow employees.

I just got back from riding stationary at Bikeworks to raise money. I ended up with $50! It was great, as it got closer to superbowl time, the traffic slowed down quite a bit, but in the beginning i had some very good luck. Most people donated $1 and one guy donated $5 while another donated $20. Everytime someone stuck a dollar in my tupperware container i just wanted tor ide harder. I rode 15 minutes, then stood for 1 just to keep the circulation going in certain spots. I rode for two and a half hours, then Bikeworks closed and i brought my stuff home. It was a good time.

I talked with Dave yesterday and i'm moving into his house on the 8th, then doing the Tri Clinic from the 14th to the 16th. That'll be a great time! I also get to meet the 'stephens' from trisyndicate.com. They're running the clinic.

Time to make sushi, drink water adn watch the Superbowl!

I went and met Dave yesterday afternoon before my run. Dave is a fellow witha big house who offered to rent a room to me on a more permanant basis. He's a very nice fellow with indeed a big house...made even moreso by the fact that he's made the back sorta like a dorm bunkbed cluster. We worked out a deal where i'll pay a monthly flat fee and get the front bedroom to myself. If the house is full, i may have to share it with one other person for a few days. Then i went and did a 6 mile run.

The run was good until about mile 3. Mile 3 my hip started bothering me (this is getting really REALLY old. If it's not one thing its the next. I beat achilles tendonitis, stress fractures, some foot problem, now it's my friggin hip) i didn't let it slow me down though, and kept up a relatively slow 11:40 per mile. At mile 4 i did stop and try and stretch the muscles around the hip but it didnt' help much. After my run i spent a good amoutn of time stretching and what not.

This morinng just walking hurts but i'm just going to assume its from those muscles not being used very much like in the beginning of my running. This coming week is an EZ week for me so i'll bear through it and if it still hurts by next weekend i suppose i'll go see a sports doc.

At 1 today i go to Bikeworks and start riding on my trainer for donations. I'll ride 1 hour at a time with a 10 minute break in between. 3 hours on a trainer straight would probably make me steril! heheh.

My swim went fantastic tonight. I'm getting more and more use out of my back with a good hard twist of my hips which is propelling me faster with smaller energy use. I swam 2000 meters in 22 minutes. It was a fast workout, doing lots of short 100m repeats and 50m repeats. What i'm happy with is i can swim longer before my form starts to breakdown from exhaustion.

My lifting went ok, it was sporadic because i HATE lifting at Bally's, and lots of people were using weights and machines i needed. Oh well.

Tomorrow instead of biking i'm going to do my long run, then do my 'long bike' in front of bikeworks. 3 hours on the trainer. Yeouch! But it's for charity right?! I hope i can collect and send in the checks by the 8th. I should still be ok by then.

It's interesting to note that people i thought cared nothing for my triathlon endeavors, gave the most money, and people i thought cared, didn't give anything. Just goes to show, what you think you know is probably wrong! heheh.

After collecting from work i've made another dent as can be seen by what i need left. After Sunday's "Ride for Donations" in front of BikeWorks that i'm planning, i may just have enough to send in! All i'll have to do is collect and send in the application.

I'm not looknig forward to lifting after i swim tonight, but it's something i gotta do.

On the scale this morning: 231.5. not bad.

Last night i hit the bed at 8 pm, but tossed and turned till almost midnight. Needless to say i didn't get much sleep. I planned on getting up at 4:30, lifting for an hour, then going to work really early so i could take care of some work and get it out of the way, but at 4:30, in my total sleeping stupor i hit the wrong button on my alarm which turned it off. But i did wake up on my own at 6:15 so i immediately got up, skipped lifting and came into work with the intention of lifting and swimming this afternoon.

By the way, ITS FRIGGIN COLD HERE IN FLORIDA!!!! I can tell you what, BOB or no BOB, if i had to bike today i simply wouldn't, not outdoors. Last weekend it was cold, like 30 degrees, right now its 18, feels like 8 because of humidity (according to weather.com) and not only that, there is ice on my car!

Yesterday it got pretty cold, and i ran for 30 minutes with arm warmers but nothing on my legs. I got nice and numb and just cruised. I cant tell you how happy i am that i'm not having any problems running. I'm actually very quickly getting back into my old groove where i feel lik ei can run forever.Another good thing: I weighed myself this morning and came in at 231.5, 1.5 less then last week. Thats the way i like to see it, slow and easy. I'll be where i want in about 12 weeks if i keep at it.

I have some good news for the fund raising, Bikeworks not only will let me bike in front of their store on Sunday, but they donated two full tune ups! They retail for $50 a piece, and in order to entice people (besides the fact that the money goes to charity), i'm selling them for $40. I gave the roadies the first chance by posting it on teh boards, but if they don't take them off my hands by Sunday, i'll bring them with me and try to sell them to customers. Thank you Bikeworks! (namely Buddy and Travis).

Thank you to Dave at work here who just donated!

I added a countdown clock to the left, i'm going to try and make it a bit smaller with the help of BigDaddy over at Syndicate3. it's pretty cool though!

Thank you to Rob Carter who emailed me out of teh blue and pledged a donation to me! Rob, good luck with your first triathlon, a HALF IRONMAN! And i thought *I* was being audacious! It's the Gulf Coast too, so i hope we can meet.

I recently met Stephen (BigDaddy) over at Syndicate through Dave (the fellow i'm going to move in with in Clermont) and he's a very nice guy! He's helped me get my fund up and running over on his site and even bought a poster to add to the fund, thanks BigDaddy! Things seem to be working out quite well, once i move in with Dave, i'll be right where i want to be: In the middle of a bunch of athletes who share my interests and goals. It's a small world and i'm excited to go out and explore it!

Clermont is going to be good for me, very good.

Tonight i'm going to do a small 30 minute run. Tomorrow it's supposd to snow...in FLORIDA! But i'm not going to be outside, just lift in the morning and swim at night.

Thank you to Bigdaddy for his help and donation, i will be writing for his site now too. :)

Alright! i gotta write this down so i don't forget:

Ideas to use for fundraising:
Bike outside of a bikeshop on my trainer with signs for donations
Ask bikeshop to give me 5 free tuneups which i'll sell for $30 a piece (30 less then normal)

Now as for training today i ran for 45 minutes and it was great. no pain except my hip slightly, but more importantly no foot pain or achilles tightness. Then i went home and spun for 45 minutes while watching the Carmichel Hill tape. Thats a good tape, i think i like it better then Spinervals because they use you're HR as a guide for your intensity.

I think this friday i'll leave work at 3 pm, set up my bike in front of bikeworks from 4-7 (if they let me) and we'll see what i can come up with.

Donation Update!
Thank you to the following Donators as of 4:21 pm today:

Riff Raff Running Forum Members:
AlaninTX
Erstwhile Lurker
Cherylpf

Co-Workers
Rex
Steve
Ryan

That's almost 300 bucks in 3 days...30 slots left, i hope i can do this!

Thank you very much to all of you. It's hard to focus on work because all i can think of is fundraisers for money!

Wow. Thats all i have to say when i woke up this morning and my shoulders are messed up! Totally sore to the core. feels good...
One thing i forgot about in terms of my times, and why i'm feeling slow in teh water. I've been swimming with a speedo for like 5 months now. Recently i switched to swim with my baggy running shorts....more drag, more hurtin in the water. So i don't feel so bad now, the times i had listed were times i had when i was swimmming in a speedo.

I bought some vitamins last night finally, i'll be taking them twice a day.

I'm supposed to meet Dave (the guy with the huge house in Clermont) this weekend and finalize moving plans. I can't wait to get out of my apartment either, Kelly is on a rampage and it's really pissing me off. This chick who's had no job for 8 months, told ME that *I* never clean! LOL. and when i looked at her dumbfoundedly because i wash every dish i use, she pointed to a stack of cups that i use for water. Yeah, go back to you're hole. Oh well, i'm training more now so i'm not there as much.

Oh yeah, last night i had a major brain fart and TOTALLY forgot i had to spin this morning! I was like, "Oh, i only have to run tomorrow, i can sleep in to 7 am!"

Then i woke up this morning and thought, "Man, i seem to remember doing a double today for the last couple weeks...." then i saw my bike. Doh. So tonight i'll run for half hour after work, then spin for 45 minutes to an hour. No biggie.

My swim was less then stellar tonight. I think it had something to do with adding 10 pounds to two of my shoulder exercises. I'm stupid i know.

But tonight as soon as i hit the water i felt slow, like i was swimming in mud. And my 3x400 swim challenge proved it.
Here's how the set went.
1st 400 6:37 going for 5:45
2nd 400 6:17 going for 5:15
3rd 400 6:27 going for 4:55

: sigh :

and after that my 200m repeats were going horribly, my form was breaking down big time and i finally decided to call it quits. I swam 1800m out of 2400 planned. Oh well, just a bad day in the pool, i'll get em next time.

On the way home i got some different kinds of Boca Burgers, and cooked up a vegetable one. MMMM good!
Also had some sushi.

I have a bunch of stuff floating in my head about training and i gotta write it down to somehow make sense of it.

I'm going to try and get 800 hours in by November 8th.

Lets see...there's 40 weeks till November 8th (starting Feb 1st.

800/40=20 hours a week.

10 of those weeks will be ez weeks with about half volume, half time.

That doesn't include taper for my Gulf Coast Half IM, and recovery...it doesn't look like i'll be able to get to 800, but perhaps i can hit 700.

This saturday i'm supposed to get with Diane finally and get a serious looking program together for this Ironman. I'm going to go at it over the next few days if i have time too and flesh some stuff out.

Just got $46 in pledges from co-workers and AlaninTX from the Riff Raff Forum. Thanks everyone! A lot of people promised to pledge or give to the fund on Friday. I'm so excited, i think i can really do this!

I took josh to Charlies Steakhouse last night for his b-day. Spent a crap load of money :( but had some great steak and potatoes.

This morning i got up and lifted for 50 minutes, weighed myself and i havn't dropped a pound in 2 weeks, but thats ok, i'm sure theres a good reason for it. Whether i'm gaining and losing cause i'm lifting consistently or whatever, i'm not going to fret over it. Not yet anyway.

With the help of a friend (thanks Rich) I was able to come up with an info page and make my header (above) a link to it.

So far World Gym said they won't donate, but they'll let me promote the donation in the gym. Also they'll let me sell 1 day passes for 1 dollar a piece, a $15 value. : shrug :
Dunkin Donuts (Mike) asked me to bring in paperwork and he'll work with me.

As soon as i get a chance to talk to the prez of my company i'll do a collection here at work.

Don't forget to sign the guestbook i added to the left!

One good thing is the weights i'm lifting now are getting easier, i want to up the weight but i'm not going to deviate from the program. I have 1.5 more weeks with this weight and rep count before i move into Phase 2 of the program. My shoulders are geting bigger and more defined, even moreso then usual i think because i've been swimming and lifting. It's nice, and a good motivator when i'm doing tri's and my shoulders bulge out a bit. :)

I really think i can do this ironman, and furthermore i think i can do it in under 15 hours. I'm commited to it, and i'm going to do it. The beginning of February i switch from Half IM training to full IM training, and that gives me 40 weeks, and i'm going to use the trinewbies 36 week ironman training program as reference along with my coach.

I just got off the phone with my mother: She's gonna give me $100! thats much more then i thought she would. She's also going to try and get some cash from my family. Tomorrow i think i'll talk to the prez about getting money from the company i work for. He was too busy today so i missed him. I'm hoping the company itself will give 2-300 bucks, then i'll get individual donations from our 33 office workers. If i get like 10-15 bucks each from them i'll be well on my way!

So far i've been able to generate some interest at work, lots of people seem willing to give me a few bucks, so next week after i get all the paperwork (I called IMFLorida Community fund to get more info. I need to find out where people make the checks out to, whether its to a fund directly or to IMFL), i'll take an official collection next week. I'm also working on a new web page as an offshoot to my journal with complete details, so please be patient for that.

I'm hoping World's Gym will donate some money (i freelance ads for them), and possibly sponsor my this year (why didn't i think of that before??). I'm really getting into this, and i hope i can choose a charity because that'll help me motivate to race. All the charities are kids sports funds, and i'm all about active kids and supporting them.

Today's a day off planned, and thats good becuase it's josh's birthday and i'm taking him to dinner with his wife and my buddy Jeff.

I plan to start IM training in two weeks. This week i'll finish out with my planned 10 hours, then next week is my 4thweek ez week, in which i'll take time to make my IM training plan, starting my IM training on February 3rd.

I've decided to do it...it's 10:44 pm on Sunday. I'm going to raise the $1,000 to enter IM florida with Carl! I've made a donation button to the left, and a new page with info on it will be coming in a few days. You can either donate freely, or if you want something out of it, purchase a poster and all money from the poster sales will go towards my fund. Now it's not MY fund, the $1000 goes towards charities, but gets me into the race.

I've been browsing some IM training plans and the volume is just plain STAGGERING. I'm probably not ready for this, but i'm going to go for it, and do it without injury. My bike and swim i'm fine with, it's the run im concerned about.

Thanks in advance to anyone that donates or buys a poster!

Jed

PS you can go to IM florida's website to see all the details before i make a new page here.

I don't know how many slots are left but i will call tomorrow to find out. I'm pretty excited about this now, i hope i can go!

Carl called today, he says he wants to do Ironman Florida. He wants me to do it with him.

The first thing that popped into my head was that i'm not ready, i COULDN'T be ready for an Ironman in November. But that very thought repulsed me and got me to thinking about it seriously.

Then I started thinking about what Bob would do. That mere thought alone made me put my sneakers on and run my planned 5 miles when i planned ons witching it. Body beat up or not. today i planned a long run, today i did it (if you can call 5 miles a long run)

The run felt good, my foot gave me a little bit of a problem but it was a passing thing, and my left hip is hurting a bit but i think some stretching and i'll be fine. 61 minutes for 5 miles, slow but at a very easy pace. It got really cold and i have tor emember to bring my arm warmers.

IM Florida.....

IM FLORIDA....

There is another thing about IM Florida, it's full, but you can get in by raising $1000. : sigh :

What to do....what to DO???

I planned on doing 2 half's this year and an IM next year. But Carls wife will have graduated her MBA by next year and they don't plan on staying in florida, so IM florida could be the last race i get to see him in.


Ironman training would definitely kick my ass into gear, but i'm just not sure. I need some reassurance from people that i can actually get into Ironman shape in 8 months.

What to do.... what to do....

I'm feeling pretty beat up today, so instead of doing my 5 mile run today, then takign tomorrow off, i'm going to switch it. Off today, 5 mile run tomorrow.

Oh yeah, did i forget to mention that i was RUN off the road? For the second time in 6 months, in teh same place. There is a precarious part of road that goes under a highway and turns at the same time. There is no breakdown lane or anything. People need to just have patience for 100 feet until i get to a wider part of the road, but some a$$f%^k white pick up truck ran me off the road anyway.

It's a good thing i saw the shadow of the truck a split second before his mirror grazed my shoulder, putting me into the grass because it gave me time to lock my back brake and unclip. I didn't flip or sustain any damage but.....FU$^%ING MOTHER FU$%INGA$$HOLEC$%KSUCKINGB@STARD!

I vow right now to never ride that stretch again unless i'm in a pack. Last year i had the same problem where some unpatient a$$hole ran me off the road. only THAT time i did take a digger in the dirt/grass. I wanted to give him the finger so badly, but i was wearing mits, so it would have just looked like i was holding my whole hand up. : grumble :

Anyway i feel better now. Highly annoying.

at 6 am my alarm went off. I looked out my window and it was still dark, so i reset it to 7. At 7 i got up, put on all my layers, got my bike ready, ate some toast and peanutbutter and went to the spot i was riding from. It was very cold this morning, and worse there was a stiff cold wind. But i had to ride, thats what seperates me from Bob. So 40 minutes into the ride, with 2:20 to go, my big toes were painfully numb. THe one spot i forgot to cover. Growing up in maine, i'm aware of what numb toes for 3 hours can do so i turned around dissapointed with my now 1:20ish ride. Everything else on me was fine, just my toes were going.

I got to the car with an 1:17 17 miles. I packed the car and started home. The whole time i was in the car i kept thinking, "What would Bob do?"

Bob would go home, shower and go to his friends house.

So went home, hooked my bike up to my trainer and rode for another hour for a total of 2:17. Now i feel better! Plus, the only time MTV is worth watching is while on a trainer so i was entertained at least, and warm. But i can only take so much stationary biking, i'm just happy i had the tenacity to keep going after my failed outdoor ride.

Now i'm off to my buddies, and because i was `1:45 short of my total ride time planned, i'll not drink or eat pizza, my diet will be good today and tomorrow to make up for the loss of training.

I want to welcome Danielle to the blogspot triathlon circle here, and invite you to read about her in the link to the left.

As for my swim tonight, i was an ANIMAL! Holy crap! i was definitely "ON" today. I swam 2200m in 35 minutes, which is 10 minutes faster then tuesdays 2200m. Insane. And i didnt' feel wiped after, iw as powerful through the entire workout. I really hit the spot today and i'm stoked!

Tomorrow morning it's supposed to be 30 degrees or cooler, and with the humidity it'll feel like i just got out of the pool. So i bought a fleece pullover, something for my ears and gloves because i have to ride at 7 am. It's funny cause i read the roadie boards and they're all too chicken to ride at 7, they're riding at 11. Then i'm off to Rex's house for beer and computer games! I may skip the beer, or may not. I plan 4 hours tomorrow riding so i may deserve a few.

My newest article is now live on triathlete.com!

I had pizza for lunch today. :S better then a burger then fries but not as good as white meat chicken.

Carl redid his blog and started updating it so i put his link back on the left.

[We interrupt this program for an important announcement]

I wanted to explain the new "Pay Now" button on the left. By clicking on it you go to paypal with all the info already in for you, if you wanted to buy series 1 #1 of the posters i created over last summer. They are printed on Photo Gloss paper, 24x36 inches, and laminated on one side (the image side). I'm only asking for $14.99 plus shipping but a poster like this at say, kinkos, would be over $50. I'm going to be releasing 2 more in the Tri Triumph Triathlon series, then two more series after that over the course of the year. And i'll be using any money i get from these triathlon posters to pay for race fees and generally upkeep my triathlon habbit.

[We now return you to your regularly scheduled program]

This morning i got up at 6 and went to lift. I jumped on the scale and had to hold back some dissapointment for according to the scale i've not lost a single pound. But weight cannot be my goal, only a secondary benefit of training, there's no telling what my body is going through so i won't fret over it. I figured after two weeks of the same weights, reps and sets i'd be getting stronger, but only in some areas.

My bench seems a slight bit stronger
Incline seems a bit stronger
Shoulders seem the same
Quads and Hams seem the same
My lats are much stronger, i'm going to up the weight next week
Triceps are much stronger
Calves are stronger, but i'm hesitant to up the weight. Last time i overdid my calves i couldn't walk for 3 days.
Lowerback seems the same

Now that i think about it, i've got 5 more workouts before i'm done with the acclimation phase. I'm not going to up the weights, i'm going to keep them where they are until i'm done with this phase. Plus, as the weights seem lighter, my swimming is getting stronger. When iw as doing my triceps today, my shoulders were bulging out and i was loving it. I'd like to have nice rounded shoulders, and if i keep swimming 3-4 miles a week, i'll definitely get them.

Speaking of which tonight i'm going to swim probably 2300 meters again. In two weeks i get a rest week, and at teh same time when i get back from that rest week i go into the next phase of my lifting. It all should work out pretty good.

I'm looking forward to riding tomorrow morning at 7 am, but not looking forward to the 25 degrees its supposed to be here in orlando. But i have to do it, because i'll be at a friends house for the rest of the day and not be able to. Going out in teh freezing cold and riding for 4 hours is what seperates me from Bob.
Abs seem a bit stronger

I ended up running for 35 minutes. I made a different loop around the block, and ended back at the car at exactly 35 minutes. IT was good iw as back early because my left hip was complaining a bit and my foot problem came back, but about 10% of the pain and discomfort. I think i may be able to just 'run' it out. We'll see.

This post edited out of respect for fellow coworkers

I'm not going to bother writing in my food journal for the day. I took my boss out for lunch for his birthday and he wanted to go to sonny's. A whole chicken, 2 small sides of beans and 4 pieces of garlic bread later, one piece of cake and a small scoup of icecream and i'm done. I'm going to run for 45 minutes tonight then get to bed early. Got lifting in the morning and swimming in the afternoon. Then saturday monring i'm riding at 7 am for 4 hours.

Since my plan calls for a run tomorrow, i decided to do 1 hour on the trainer instead. Ate a boca burger with some instant potatoes and feel good.

Last night i swam 2300m in a step pattern, 100, 200, 400, 200, 400, 200, etc. It was tireing, but good for me. It's interesting to note how effortlessly i do those first 2-300 meters because i'm fresh, then towards the end i'm very concentrated and deliberate about keeping my form from breaking down. After i got out of the pool i went home for some amazing Boca Burgers and salad. Then i did laundry...and more laundry, and..well i practically had NOTHING to wear so i did 5 loads. Now i had to go to our in-complex laundro-mat, and most of the machines were already being used. So 1 hour washing/drying became a task as i had to switch and reswitch loads to get them done. When i got home, put my clothes away and laid on my bed it was 11:30. Getting up at 5 to spin wasn't in the picture anymore because i want to get 8 hours sleep as much as possible. I'm not going to justify my high intensity bike workout skipping, i'm just going to say this, "I skipped it and i don't feel the least bit guilty about it". Tonight i'll run for half hour and be done with it. The bike is my strongest discipline, no big deal. Rest is more important.

I jumped on the BALLY'S scale last night (as opposed to the World's Gym scale) and according to that one i dropped 10 pounds yesterday! heheh. just goes to show that you need to use the same scale at the same time of day. Right now i weigh myself twice a week, just before i lift on Tuesdays and Fridays.

I've got about 5 ideas for an article this week, but i'm not sure which one i'll go with. Lots of stuff that happens during the week sparks creative thought. I need to write down the ideas so i don't forget them.

The Buy It Now button now works, if you'd like a poster click on it! You may also click on the INFO link to see the details. Anything i make off this line of posters (which are created by me) will go directly into supporting my triathlon addiction!

You must read this, it's an article from a magazine that a friend emailed to me:

"So, what are you doing for a living these days?" Bob asked me. We're
sitting on the couch at one of those tedious holiday get-togethers, you
know, the ones where you're supposed to be nice to family members you never
see except during major holidays and funerals. I think Bob is my wife's
brother-in-law's second cousin or something.

"I'm the assistant editor and a writer for Testosterone magazine," I say.
Bob looks at me with a blank expression on his face, as if I'd just told him
I sell handmade testicle warmers beside the freeway and was looking to open
franchises across the nation.

"It's a bodybuilding magazine," I say.

Blank expression. Deer caught in the headlights. Ronnie Coleman doing
trigonometry.

"Oh," Bob finally says, "I heard you were, like, one of those bodybuilder
guys or something. So, what's that like, you know, working out every day and
stuff? I just don't have time to lift weights all day, but I have been
meaning to get rid of this beer belly." He takes another sip of beer. "What
do you suggest?" Sip.

At first I was a little offended. I wanted to grab him up and say, "You
can't tell I'm a bodybuilder?! Look at my ass! Now, if that's not a nice
round squat-built piece of sirloin, I don't know what is! You think that
comes naturally? I can crack walnuts with this puppy! Wanna see? Huh, punk?
Do ya? Do ya?"

Then I realize this just might cause a scene and could cost me several
Christmas presents. I was planning on returning any presents I got and using
the money to buy a power rack, so I didn't want to jeopardize this gift
getting opportunity. I also realized that old Bob probably had a certain
preconceived image of a bodybuilder and I just didn't fit that image. I'm
not gorilla huge; I weigh about 205 at 5'11" right now. (When I first
started lifting I was a pudgy 159, so that's not too shabby.) Also, I wasn't
wearing clown pants, a fluorescent string tank top, a hanky on my head and
one of those little fanny packs. And isn't that what real bodybuilders are
supposed to wear?

Bob continued to sit there drinking his Natural Light, smoking a cigarette
and waiting for an answer, oblivious to the fact that he'd come this close
to seeing some serious walnut- crunching ass power. I tried to figure out
how I could explain to the average guy what the typical T-Man does and why
he does it. How could I get him to understand what it is we do, how we feel,
how we live? So I took a deep breath and told him something like this:

"Well, Bob, I guess you could use the term bodybuilder if you really need a
label for what it is we do. Most of us actually don't stand on stage and
compete, though. We lift weights and manipulate our diets so that we'll look
good naked. Sure, it's healthy too, and we'll probably live a longer and
more productive life than the average guy, but mostly it's about the naked
thing. Truthfully, it goes beyond even that.

"Let's be honest here. We do it because of people like you, Bob. We look at
you sitting there with your gut hanging over your belt and we watch you
grunt and groan just getting out of a chair. Guys like you are our
inspiration, Bob. You're better than Anthony Robbins, Bill Phillips, Deepak
Chopra, and Zig ****ing Ziglar all wrapped up into one. We love it when guys
like you talk about not having time to exercise. Every time we see you
munching on a bag of potato chips, you inspire us. You're my shot in the
arm, Bob, my living and breathing wake-up call, my own personal success
coach.

"You want to know what it is we do? We overcome. We're too busy to train,
too, but we overcome. We're too busy to prepare healthy meals and eat them
five or six times a day, but we overcome. We can't always afford
supplements, our genetics aren't perfect, and we don't always feel like
going to the gym. Some of us used to be just like you, Bob, but guess what?
We've overcome.

"We like to watch 'normal' people like you tell us about how they can't get
in shape. We smile and nod sympathetically like we feel your pain, but
actually, we're thinking that you're a pathetic piece of **** that needs to
grow a spine and join a gym. You smile sheepishly and say that you just
can't stay motivated and just can't stand that feeling of being sore. (For
some reason you think that admitting your weaknesses somehow justifies
them.) We listen to you ***** and moan. We watch you look for the easy way
out. Because of people like you, Bob, we never miss a workout.

"You ask us for advice about diet and training and usually we politely offer
some guidance, but deep inside we know you won't take our advice. You know
that too. We smile and say, 'Hope that helps. Good luck,' but actually we're
thinking, 'Boy, it would suck to be you.' We know that 99% of people won't
listen to us. Once they hear that it takes hard work, sacrifice and
discipline, they stop listening and tune us out.

"We know they wanted us to say that building a great body is easy, but it
just isn't. This did not take five minutes a day on a TorsoTrack. We did not
get this way in 12 short weeks using a Bowflex and the Suzanne Somers' 'Get
Skinny' diet. A good body does not cost five easy payments of $39.95.

"We like it that while you're eating a candy bar and drinking Mountain Dew,
we're sucking down a protein shake. You see, that makes it taste even better
to us. While you're asleep we're either getting up early or staying up late,
hitting the iron, pushing ourselves, learning, succeeding and failing and
rising above the norm with every rep. Can you feel that, Bob? Can you
relate? No? Good. This wouldn't be half as fun if you could.

"We do it because we absolutely and totally get off on it. We do it because
people like you, Bob, either can't or won't. We do it because what we do in
the gym transfers over into the rest of our lives and changes us,
physically, mentally, maybe even spiritually. We do it because it beats
watching fishing and golf on TV. By the way, do you know what it's like to
turn the head of a beautiful woman because of the way you're built? It feels
good, Bob. Damned good.

"When we're in the gym, we're in this indescribable euphoria zone. It's a
feeling of being on, of being completely alive and aware. If you haven't
been there, then it's like trying to describe color to a person who's been
blind since birth. Within this haze of pleasure and pain, there's knowledge
and power, self-discipline and self-reliance. If you do it long enough, Bob,
there's even enlightenment. Sometimes, the answers to questions you didn't
even know you had are sitting there on those rubber mats, wrapped up in a
neat package of iron plates and bars.

"Want to lose that beer belly, Bob? I have a nutty idea. Put down the
****ing beer. I'll tell you what, Bob. Christmas morning I'm getting up real
early and hitting the iron. I want to watch my daughter open her presents
and spend the whole day with her, so this is the only time I have to train.
The gym will be closed, so I'm going out in my garage to workout. You be at
my house at six in the morning, okay? I'll be glad to help you get started
on a weight training program. It'll be colder than Hillary Clinton's coochie
in there, so dress warm.

"But let me tell you something, Bob. If you don't show up, don't bother
asking me again. And don't you ever sit there and let me hear you *****
about your beer belly again. This is your chance, your big opportunity to
break out of that rut. If you don't show up, Bob, you've learned a very
important lesson about yourself, haven't you? You won't like that lesson.

"You won't like that feeling in the pit of your stomach either or that taste
in your mouth. It will taste worse than defeat, Bob. Defeat tastes pretty
goddamned nasty, but what you'll be experiencing will be much worse. It will
be the knowledge that you're weak, mentally and physically. What's worse is
that you'll have accepted that feeling. The feeling will always be with you.
In the happiest moments of your life, it'll be there, lying under the
surface like a malignant tumor. Ignore it at your own peril, Bob.

"Don't look at me like that either. This just may be the best Christmas
present you'll get this year. Next Christmas, Bob, when I see you again, I'm
going to be a little bigger, a little stronger, and a little leaner. What
will you be? Will you still be making excuses? This is a gift, Bob, from me
to you. I'm giving you the chance to look fate in those pretty eyes of hers
and say, 'Step off, *****. This is my party and you're not invited.' What do
you say, Bob? Monday, Christmas morning, 6am, my house. The ball's in your
court."

Okay, so maybe that's not the exact words I used with Bob, but you get the
picture. Will Bob show up Monday? I don't know, but I kind of doubt it. In
fact, Bob will probably take me off his Christmas card list. He probably
thinks I've got "too much Testosterone," like that's a bad thing. I think
Bob is just stuck in a rut, and as the saying goes, the only difference
between a rut and a grave is depth.

The way out of the rut is to make major changes in your life, most of which
won't be too pleasant in the beginning. The opportunity to make those
changes seldom comes as bluntly as I put it to Bob. Most of the time, that
opportunity knocks very softly. What I did was basically give Bob a verbal
slap in the face. You can react two ways to a slap. You can get angry at the
person doing the slapping, or you can realize that he was just trying to get
you to wake up and focus on what you really want and, more importantly, what
it'll take to get it.

If you're a regular T-mag reader, I doubt you need to be called out like
Bob. But maybe you've caught yourself slacking a little here lately. Maybe
you've missed a few workouts or maybe you started a little too early on the
usual holiday feasting, like, say, back in September. Just remember that the
time to start working on that summer body is now. The time to get rid of
those bad habits that hold you back in the gym is now. You want to look
totally different by next Christmas? Start now. This isn't because of the
holidays or any corny New Year's resolutions either. The best time is always
now.

Christmas day I want you to enjoy being with your family and friends. I want
you to open presents, sip a little eggnog and have a good meal. But if your
regularily scheduled workout happens to fall on December 25th, what will you
be doing at six o'clock that morning?

That's what separates us from guys like Bob

That sums up my feelings 10 times over, in more detail and with more accuracy and defined thought then i could have produced in a week. Bravo to the author!

Yesterday was a very good day. Good diet, and i managed a 25 minute run around some old warehouses before i went to see Dan about training.

The meeting with Dan didn't go so well, but understandably he's not able to train me (trading skills) because he's just getting his new business together and needs the paying clients ($4,000 a year for him). He said maybe in the future. Thats ok, i'm becoming more independent with my training so no real setback.

I bought some Boca burgers last night, and holy crap! Those things are good! Very VERY tasty. and the nutritional facts are amazing. Definitely going to become a staple in my diet along with massive amounts of chicken.

My run last night was good, no pain, just slight achilles tightness on the left side (side i had tendinitis). But no foot pain, that problem is definitely solved now.

This morning i got up and did my lifting, later i'll go swimming for about 2300m i think. Not sure the exact distance yet. I'm feeling great.

I've decided that i'm going to run 5 days a week, most of the sessions being half hour long, but just trying to bring some consistency to my weakest discipline. Tonight is supposed to be my day off but i'm going to run for half hour before i go see Dan at his new gym. Even if it's a brick off the bike, i still want to get those runs in, especially now that i'm not injured.

Last Weeks Totals:
Swim: :39 minutes
Bike: 2:55
Run:30:00
Weights: 2:00
Total:6:04

Once i actually hit the swim twice, and hit my run 3 times, this will improve. If i had done 4 hours on the bike it would have been much better, along with a 2 hour run. So i'm on schedule, and last week being my 'break in ' week, i'm happy with it.

This week's goal: 12 hours.

Watching a Marathon was an interesting endeavor. Besides the fact that it was FREEZING out, i found myself a roll of emotions.

The Disney Marathon: my friend and ex-training partner Carl has been training for this race for 6 months. His first marathon and he was shooting to qualify for Boston (3:15 or better). About 2 months out i seriously thought he'd do it, but after going to Maine and getting the flu which put him out of training for 2 weeks right in the midle of his speedwork, that dream fell apart. BUT - he was going to finish, and 26.2 miles of running is no small endeavor.

At mile 1 which doubled as mile 4 his wife Beth and I stood waiting for him to pass us. It was still dark at 6am when the fireworks went off signaling the start of the race. Carls new goal was to do 8 minute miles for the whole race. We missed him as the throng passed us at mile 1, but when they doubled back to pass again, he was spotted and he looked fantastic. 4 miles in 32 minutes, and he looked like he wasn't even sweating yet.

Beth and I got on the tram to catch him at mile 9 near the Contemporary. We arrived there at 1:07 and it was only a short time before he ran by us again. At mile 9 i'd say he looked good, but not fantastic. He was definitely focused now, and his stride seemed a little long. But no matter, he still looked awesome for 9 miles.

After 9 miles there were no more free spots to watch so we headed to the car to pick up the backpack with Carls' 'after race' goodies, and went to the finishline to wait for the elites to cross by.

Here's where the emotion started rolling within me. I was at the finishline, not in the race for the first time. The music was blaring, the announcer was blaring. At times my ears would hurt so bad i had to cover them as the announcers voice hit certain pitches that struck me painfully. But that's not the important part. As i was sitting there, listening to the growing crowd, the changes in music, i couldn't help but think about Carl and what he was hearing and seeing.

The open road.
the only rhythm he was 'dancing' to was the beat of his heart, the shuffling of his feet, the breathing of those around him.

When the first elites came over the crowd wasn't all that impressed. 2:19 is an amazing time, but the crowds were still thin and quiet. At about 3 hours the crowds were pretty thick and all manner of people were crossing the line. Some looked like they had just strolled in the park, others collapsed at the finishline. One fellow, an asian guy, had his whole left leg bandaged and taped up, and he was limping horribly through the shoot. This was just at 3 hours, so he was hauling before he was injured, and instead of pulling out, this man finished the marathon using only one leg, as he limped throught he remaining 100m, the crowds went ballistic cheering him on. I bet that guy will never forget that moment.

I just startd thinking about each persons motivations for doing a marathon. Where some just do it like i do triathlon - because they need to or it's just a part of their life, others have deeper reasons, and you can see it on their faces as they cross the finishline.

I was a little worried as the clock approached 4 hours and i didn't see Carl. I thought maybe he had gone out too hard at first, or any number of things. At 4:10 he came into sight and crossed the finishline soon after, a very focused and painful lookon his face. His right hamstring had seized up at mile 16. He couldn't get it stretched out and had to finish a hard earned 8 minute per mile 16 miles, at 12 minutes per mile for the next 10 miles. He never thought of quitting, it's not in his vocabulary, and he was very glad he finished, as am I. He can now start training for triathlon again.

Even though i did an olympic which had me in the 'field' for 3 hours, i still had a hard time fathoming a 26.2 mile foot race. And if *I* had a hard time fathoming it, how could people who've never gotten off the recliner fathom it? How could they truly appreciate their running loved ones?

Anyway, i've decided i'm not going to ride with the roadies again for awhile. After reading an article that put things into perspective, and doing a short 26 mile fast (for me) loop on saturday, it's just not the training i need on that day. I would feel a whole lot better about myself if i had done the 60 mile planned slow ride. And on Sunday because of the marathon and because i'm a bit lazy, i didn't run. I don' tfeel OVERLY guilty though because i DID manage 8 training sessions, AND on saturday my eating was great, Sunday was 80% good.

Notes:
I found the perfect poor mans food: Rotisserie Chicken from Publix. Full cooked chicken $6.50. 4 meals for each chicken. Can't go wrong. i will live on this for awhile.
Dan Estrada called and invited me to his new Gym. Finally! Tonight at 7 i go there.

This morning i woke up at 9, and waited around until 10:30 to go to Windermere Elementary school to meet some Roadies that were riding from there. The plan was to ride 45 some odd miles, and even though i had a 60 mile ride planned today, i knew i'd be riding at a significantly faster pace so i didn't worry about it. The ride went very well though, i made it up Taco Hill, crested it at 14.3 mph, though i was breathing so hard, and the air was chill that my lungs began to burn, so it took awihle to get my second wind but the downhill was nice because i outweigh everyone and coasting i practically caught up to those in front of me. After Taco and i regained my wind, i took to pulling Jason, Gail, Carry(sp?), Jeff for about 3-4 miles. It was hilly and i had a hard time keeping 18 mph and higher. When we hit the 5th hill i was burnt and Jason pulled out, told me i had a good pull and dissapeared over the horizon. Then it was Just Jeff, Gail, Carry, and I until we got to 545. At this point i was feeling mildly beat but was recovering well. When we got to the intersection the group split, some went left, some went right, some just straight, and i had no idea which group was doing what so i went left. The group i ended up with made a U turn and headed back, and at that point there was no way i was going to catch up with the main group so i just conceded that i'd only get 26 miles in today, albiet 4-5 mph avg faster then usual.

We rode a pretty decent 18-20 on the way back, Gail blew up at the peak of Taco on the return trip, but caught up pretty quickly. We each rotated the pull once and were back at the school in 1:24 for an average of about 18 for 26.x miles. I got to my car and promptly realized i had locked my keys in my car. Great. Carry came to the rescue though because she had AAA and called for a locksmith. They said it would be an hour. Doh. It worked out though because her boyfriend Jason was still riding with the rest of hte pack to finish the 45 miles. So she had to wait there anyway. I started thinking how much it would hav esucked if i had finished the ride only to find out i had locked my keys in the car, and held her and Jason up for an hour when they had better thigns to do. So it was more of an OMEN that i turned around. Some things just work out. AAA came, popped my lock and i was away.

Stopped at Publix and got some Sushi, and a whole rotisserie chicken for later. MMMMM sushi. Overall i'm happy the way things turned out, and i'm going to try and run after the Disney Marathon is over and my buddy collapses. Today i will eat right and i will eat right tomorrow too, i had pizza last night and that was my one day. I'm trying to figure out what i'm going to do for the Superbowl. I don't want to eat crappy or drink, so maybe i'll do a sushi party heheh. I have sushi on the brain.

I was not suprised, but a little dissapointed that Hallie didn't show up at the ride, i was looking forward to talking with her but i'm sure she has other stuff to do. 11 am is a little late, and i probably won't ride that late again, i like 9. Done by noon or 1, got the rest of the day.

Last night i was determined to do my swim, and so even with an upset stomach i hit the pool. I was able to swim 200m before i nearly shat myself and had to run to the bathroom. Not pretty, not fun. But it made me feel better about not swimming, the fact that i at least tried. Went home and played on my Xbox and ate pizza and wings. blech! that was my day off, 6 days of good diet ahead of me!

it's 9 am, i woke up before i had set my alarm, waiting to go to the elementary school to meet people for an 11 am ride. Hopefully Hallie will be there so we can chat. Also found out that the guy that has the 9 bedroom house that may let me move in is a guy i've seen before at th local triathlons, i'm really hoping this works out, it would be so good as far as triathlon goes for me.

I may have to nix my swim workout tonight...but i still hae a half hour to decide. Right now i'm having bowel problems and i've been to the porcelain god 3 times in the last hour, i think i may have overstepped my 'cheese' tolerance at Moe's today. :(

Another thing of note. I weighed myself at teh World Gym and came up with 5.5 pounds lost this week. That doesn't scare me much because it's my first week, next week i'll be ok with 3-4 pounds, but after that it should settle down to 2 pounds per week for awhile. If i continue to lose 5+ pounds a week i'll have to take a serious look at what i'm doing to make sure i'm not hurting myself.

For those that missed it:
Off Season Part 1
Now Part 2 is published :
Off Season Part 2

Great day so far, and a great night last night. I went to Bikeworks with my bike and had them put me on a trainer. My intention was to get it creaking so we could figure out exactly where it was creaking. But like most things, it didn't creak the entire time i was there so i'm back to square one. After that i went for a very nice run. No achilles pain or foot pain, just a relaxed run where i let my mind wander to races and other things. 30 minutes but it was great. This morning i got up at 6 and went to lift at Worlds Gym. My pecs are still ripped so i took it easy on teh upper body, doing 1-2 sets, but my legs were fresh and did the full 3 sets on those exercises. Had some breakfast and went to work.

Pretty revved up, and also got a suprise email from a good friend Hallie. Havn't seen her since...hmmmm. Since July's sprint i think. At least havn't talked with her at length since then, though i've seen Phil, her training partner a few times at the WOT.

Anyway gotta get a bunch o work done, i'll fill in more later.

Last night i went to bed at 7:30 pm. This morning i got up at 8 am. I have absolutely NO guilt about not running based on that alone. My body needed the rest, not only that but i woke up this morning with a slight sore throat, so i must be fighting off some virus too. So all day today i've been quaffing OJ to help with it. On the windermere roadies website Manny said he's going to be out and about at 11 on saturday. Just what i needed to get motivated. He's not cycled for like a month so i told him he can suck my wheel when he gets tired LOL. That'll be fun, i'm looking forward to it.

I'm going to run tonight for 30 minutes. Nothing fancy, but Sunday i'm going to run for an hour. I'm going to do 60 miles on teh bike Saturday. Friday i'm going to lift in the morning and swim in the afternoon. I'm still pretty sore from earlier weeks workout, but i should be fine. It's good to be back!

Now i gotta finish Off Season Part 2 which i'll link to once it's on www.triathlete.com.

HA! someone did a search on Google for "Naked Triathlete" and my journal came up as one of the top 10 links because i have the word Triathlete and Naked in my text. They clicked on it and read my journal...too funny!

Anyway as i suspected Diane didn't show up. Ho hum. My pecs and shoulders are really really wrecked so i'm going to instead of taking tomorrow off, i'm not going to run tonight, and run tomorrow instead.

I had a 3 hour episode of seriously sour mood today. I'm starting to pull out of it, but it was a series of things at work, plus the fact that i'm getting mroe sore and more immobile by the hour. I honestly can't wait to sleep tonight, but i gotta run, talk with diane about this years schedule, THEN go to bed. Since i'm doing a double friday (Swim and lift) i'm going to take tomorrow off.

Got up this morning at 4:50 and prepared to go to Worlds Gym for a spin class. I got the instructor to agree to let me bring my bike and trainer in. I ate a banana, some of a nasty power bar, packed all my stuff including shower stuff and made two trips to the car to get everything together. I arrived at Worlds Gym about 5:40 and set everything up. As i did some women arrived and we chatted idly. Most of them wondering why in the hell i had brought my bike.

6:05 i was on my bike slowly spinning, warming up not only myself, but the fluid in my trainer. By the time Lee (the instructor) came in, there were 5 women of all shapes and sizes, and me. He began the session at maximum resistance (9 back, small ring front) and spun for awhile.

Not that it matters, but he was playing oldies and thats not really my thing. Anyway my quads started burning and he was still spinning and i was thinking i was in for a hell of a workout. Soon he starts doing 'jumps' where he stands for about 5 seconds, then sits, rinse repeat. After that we did 3-4 minutes of standing. this was excruciating. Then to half resistance and spinning fast. I kept up through most of it, climging in hard gears the whole time. Soon he let everyone take a rest at low gear and started doing an upper body workout thing. That's not really what i was there for, plus i lifted yesterday and my shoulders are sore enough. So while he was doing that i just cranked out some perfect circles in aero.

Afterwards we did some more standing, then he got off the bike and started doing squats. Again, i'm here to spin not squat, so i did some 10/20 revolution super spins in my highest gear, 10 revolution rest, 20 revolution superspin. I destroyed my quads. Then the class was over (30 minutes). I was a little dissapointed but Lee told me that next week it'd go 45 minutes to an hour. I'm basically using the spin class as motivation just to get up and do something at this point. I showered at the gym, then realized that i forgot my work shoes. Since the class was short though i had time to go home and get them, even had time to log some stuff and check my email.

So far i'm wholly impressed with this week, and happy.

Furthermore a guy out in Clermont where i've wanted to live for a few months now (because most of my races will be there so i want to train on the roads i'll be racing, plus its int he boonies which will help me focus on triathlon with fewer distractions) has a house that he rents the rooms to triathletes. Usually he rents them to triathletes during races, but i asked him if he'd take me in on a permanant basis and he seems to think it will be fine. I'll talk with him Sunday or next week.

One other thing. My swim workout last night was tough. My upper body was pretty trashed from lifting, but i noticed something that i'm happy about. On about 1600 meters, i was tiring really bad, but instead of breaking form, i slowed down and kept my form pretty good. Usually my form breaks down bad, but last night i was just concentrating on my catch and my entry. My 50m time was about 45 seconds which is really slow, considering i did a 500m time trial (7:32) earlier in teh swim, but i kept my form and thats all thats important right now to me. I also had lots of thoughts about quitting around the 1600 meter mark because pulling myself through the water was getting very difficult, but alas, i did it. Then jumped into the hot tub (i never do this, but it just seemed so enticing) then went home.

Then like an idiot i bought swordfish and ate half of it. I just recently developed some sort of allergy to fish this year and my chest was constricted all night making it hard to sleep. Oh well. Today i'm not sure what i'm going to do for lunch, but it'll be healthy no matter what.

My shoulders and upper body are really sore, but my lower body is fine.

Got to the gym, did my 2000m in the pool and went home very hungry. I bought some swordfish on my way home and prepared it very succulently, only to remember i have an alergy to fish (just suddenly in the last year) and now i'm paying for it with horrifyingly painful chest pains. UGH! I'm starting to get addicted to salads...mmmmmm. I'm tired, going to read and be in bed by 9 so ic an get up at 5 to spin in the morning.

Well all my yelling seemed to work, this morning i got up and went to World's Gym and lifted a full body circuit which took an hour. Tonight after work i will go to Bally's and swim. Then i gota go to bed very early because tomorrow i'm going to do a spin class at 6 am. The instructor is letting me bring my bike and trainer! heheh. Should be fun. He says it's 45 mins to an hour so it should be sufficiently hard. I feel pretty good right now, except i ate breakfast before i went to the gym and got a slight belly ache. :( I won't do that again, so i'll have to figure out a new breakfast for those days that i lift in the morning. Last night i ate good too. I can't get too excited though, i have to be CONSISTENT!

I did it i did it i did it! It's now 8 pm. I've eaten well, i did one hour on the trainer, and ate a good dinner. Tomorrow i'll wake up and go lift! WOOHOOO! Damn i feel good, andi t's about time!

And i didnt' do spinervals because i found out i can bring my bike and trainer into a spin class on wednesday morning and spin. That'll be my hard bike workout. Doing a tuogh workout on monday after a monster weekend isn't a good idea.

oh yeah, I'M WAKING UP EARLY TOMORROW TO LIFT SO I HAVE TO GO TO BED EARLY OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES.

I'm going to put it in words so it's in stone:

Today i've eaten exceptionally well, going as far as taking half my lunch for later because i was full. (See my fitday link to the left for details)

Tonight when i get home i'm jumping on my trainer and riding for ONE HOUR. No excuses. Spinerval for 30-45 minutes, then easy for teh rest of the hour. This will change once i figure things out. Coming off two monster workouts on teh weekend then doing anaerobic on mondays probably isn't a good idea. :)

And after my workout i'm going to eat CHICKEN and RICE and if i'm hungry later, a protien SHAKE.

No MCDONALDS
no WINGS
no PIZZA!!!!

Today i went to see Catch me if you Can with Jeff Duval. Now understand, Jeff and i have been friends from Maine, to Pittsburgh, to Florida which spans about 8 years. Besides Carl, i've known no one longer. Jeff and i have had an interesting relationship, we lived together in the dorms, and when i came to Florida he gave me a place to stay while i was getting on my feet. Both times we ended up very bitter at each other before i moved out. Jeff is the kind of guy either you like him, you hate him, or you can tolerate xx amount of minutes with him before you need a week off. He's bluntly honest with everyone he likes, and most of the time its an honesty you don't want. It's refreshing to me though. He'll tell me i'm getting fat and ibeter get back on the horse. He won't beat around the bush though, he'll tell me, "Your'e getting fat dude, thin out, i know you'r enot happy like that."

On this day he didn't say anything like that, but most of the time his honesty is something i respect and look up to. To many of us compromise our principles for the 'betterment' of those around us as to not hurt their feelings.

Well Jeff and i are very close, very deep friends. Deep down our hearts are very close to the same thing. Whenever there is a deep, meaningful life crisis at hand, the first person we turn to is each other. Both of us are going through pre-crisis as i call it. We are intelligent enough, experienced enough to keep our heads high above the churning waters of life, to look into the future and see where we're going. We've already seen what happens when you lose sight of where you are (Josh), and we won't let that happen to us. Both of us on this night confessed to the oth er that though we've dug ourselves out of some serious pits (home life), we're still not satisfied. The graphic work i've been doing at work is the same cookie cutter bullshit i did 3 years ago. The same levels Jeff has been creating for n-Space are the same game levels he created when he started there, only for a different game. The problem with our companies that we work for is that they're not innovating.

Jeff and I are Visionaries to the extreme. We can craft and imagine an entire world populated with fantastic beings and societies, but we never know what to do with it. I'm 23, he's 27. We have so much life and so many paths ahead of us, but which one to choose?

Jeff doesn't really want to leave his work because it wouuld be hard to leave his closest friends. But i told him that right NOW is JEFF time. It's time to be selfish, it's time to do nothing but be about YOU. Every move you make should not be for anyone else but YOU. Why? Because when you're 35 and you decide to starta family, you'll wish you had taken every minute of your life up to that point to pave a comfortable future for your children. Screw me, screw your friends, screw you comfort. Take arisk, go for it. When i'm 35 and i have my first child, i want to be able to dedicate an immense amount of my TIME and SACRIFICE everything i have for that child. I can't do that if i'm not content in the place that i am in life.

WHy do you think divorces are so common. Young people getting married before they've even CONSIDERED they're life career! People having children while they work for people they hate, live in places they can't stand. If you're not happy with YOU'RE LIFE, then how can you ever give a child a happy life?

How can i possibly sacrifice money to my 16 year old child, when all i can think about is getting that SUV i always wanted? How can i go to his/her soccer game when i'm still 'making a name for myself' at my job and henceforth can't take anytime off?

So it all boils down to this: I'm not happy where my career is going. Well, not that i'm not happy...furthermore, i see and END to this. But where shall i end it and begin another one? What shall that new one be?

I've been seriously considering going to Film School to learn to be a director. I've already got a screenplay int he works, and i can envision most of the movie as it is.

What do i want in life?
Excitment:
I want ot meet lots of people:
I want to be in lots of places
I want to be active
living day to day yet with a schedule

What do all those things fall under? Director:

All over the globe shooting a picture.
Meeting TONS of people, and working with actors who inspire me.
Actively shooting the picture, making MY vision come to life

Each day weould be a new adventure.

This all sounds like sometihgn i want to do, but there always seems to be obsticles, without obsticles there'd be no growth. But there are so many loose ends to tie up before i headed off to go to school again. Finances especially.

The scary thing is, even though i have so much life ahead of me, it seems that hte next step will be a big one. Since i was 15 i've been jumping into things head first, just tumbling into them forcing the world to be my little playwrite. But this is a bigger world, there's more at stake, people that could be hurt. Those steps were small and easy (though they didn't seem like it at the time). THIS step i have the feeling will be the make me or break me step. THE step. The last step i make before hitting that plateau. So i better damned well pick correctly what i want to do.

A year ago i entertained the idea of being a scuba diver. I LOVE free diving, love being in the water. Thats also active, i'd also get to meet lots of people....but late at night, when i get a sudden urge to write, to film, when an entire movie passes before my cerebral cortex, when i'm inspired to change peoples lives with a deep meaning movie such as Dead Poets Society or American Beauty...i'll be a diver and unable to realize that dream.

What to do.

One thing is for certain. Triathlon has kept me stable, been my friend ever since i started, and i wont' let it down. I will use triathlon to help me make this decision. But mark my words, within 16 months i will be on my way to my new life and career...probably in another state at a film school.

I'm full and i'm miserable. Well...not miserable, but i'm definitely unhappy. I ate crappy today but assured myself that today was a cheat day and it's ok, tomororw i'll be back on the horse. The reason i'm miserable is that i don't trust myself to get on the horse tomorrow. This morning Diane and i were supposed to do the popular thursday Roadie 30 mile loop twice for 60 miles. She called me and canceled this morning becuase it was too cold.

If i'd had any sense of dedication i'd have ridden in the 30 degree weather wouldn't I?

If i'd any sense of dedication i'd have ridden at least in the late morning when it warmed up right?

I'm also depressed because my roomates are home again. I picked them up at the airport on Thursday night. (before i forget i swam friday night 2100 meters) For 2 weeks the apartment had been quiet and most of all it had been clean. I used the same 5 dishes all two weeks and just washed them immediately after i was done with them. The very next day after i brought them home, i arrived home from work. They had been home for all of 16 hours, and already there were 4 glasses ont he coffee table, 4 MORE cups in the sink along with 2 pans with burned shit in them, a glob of sour cream in the bottom of the sink, a packet of mexican mix powder overturned and spewed all over the counter, a bag of tortillas hardening on the oven, among other things. Made me sick.

I gotta move out of here, but i also know that that's not hte answer to my troubles. I'm a firm believer in 'do it now, no amazing situation will change things'. In other words, if i'm not motivated now, why will moving motivate me?

Michelle is going through the same thing, and i try to explain it to her but she doesn't want to hear it. she keeps telling me that in order for her to get motivated she needs a trainer. This dates WAY back to one of my first journal entries (on another site) where i stated, "When i first did the body for life i saw it in a magazine one night and decided then and there that i was going to do it. I went to the gym the next day and never looked back. What i had thrown away in that instant were the excuses, the impossible situations that i'd put myself in because deep down inside i KNEW they wouldn't happen. For instance i'd tell myself, 'i'll get into shape when that trainer trains me for free', 'i'd get into shape if i didn't live so far away (when moving wasn't an option).' "

Its so easy to lie to yourself. Michelle can't afford a personal trainer, so she tells her self that she'll get into shape when she can afford one....konwing that won't be for a LONG time. What i keep telling myself is to be good for 30 days and it will get me back into it. the habbit will have been formed.


This all leads up to my 2002 year in review. What have i learned? I'm not up for giving a long drawn out description but above all i've learned two very improtant things; Patience, and a reliance on my SELF.

Also, the fact that you can't help ANYONE who doesn't want to be helped. I've learned that hard lesson in dealing with Josh over this passed year. Its so very hard to imagine how sad a human can be, yet so resistant to change it. Through all of this year i've learnd that i can depend on no body to help me when i need it. Carl moved away so i couldn't depend on him to help me through slumps in training, Diane canceles appointmnents with me for various reasons (some of htem medical) but nontheless it's dissapointing.

A very important thing i learned while toeing the line at the Disney Olympic was that i can wing an olympic distance race, but i'll never be able to wing anything bigger then that. I went into that race with a shattered confidence because my training was lacking, never again will i do that to myself. I'm going to continue this another time.

Yesterday i ran for 20 minutes and then called it a day. It was a good run in the fact that my foot didn't get numb or hurt, but sucked because both my achilles really tightened up. They were really sore the rest of the night but this morning i was ok. I planned on a 45 minute run but i'm glad i cut it short. I'll write my year in review later this weekend when i have more time to reflect. I wasn't able to wake up this morning for my lifting session so i'll do it after my swim tonight. Tomorrow is a 60 mile ride with Diane. Then she's supposed to help me flesh out my training plan after the workout. This morning i had a hard time shaving and ended up taking about 1/3 of my face off. I was bleeding all over the place and now i've got embarassing scabs all over. :( Don't know what happened.

And i've been cleared to start writing a column for triathlete.com. that'll be sweet.

Just a quick update: I made all my links to the left so that they open in new windows (thanks Gian). Makes it easier ot navigate i think.

I feel a bit left out, all my friends posted year end mileage reports and stupid me didn't keep track this. That's all changed though. I"m going to keep track of it all on kicksports' recording website, but also going to keep track of that stuff on fitday too i think.

New years was good, i spent it with friends at a house. My buddy is a DJ and so are his friends, they all brought over records and spun. I left the party at 5 am and they were still spinning. It was a great time, very laid back. I felt bad for Buck though (buck is my friend who owns the house), a bunch of people came over from across the street and tried to invade our party, he had to step in. heheh. Anyway i met some really cool people, and when i woke up later that day i just had a slight headache.

My friends Carl and Beth came down from Gainseville and we ate at Kobe Japenese Steakhouse. MmMmMMmmm good! Thats a place i like to go to 2-3 times a year, can't really afford it more then that.

Next sunday Carl runs the Disney Marathon, and unfortunately i think i spent too much money this week and won't be able to go on the century since it's $40. :(

Carl originally wanted to qualify for Boston (his first marathon) but he got the flu and right smack in the middle of his speedwork had to take 3 weeks off. It devastated his pace he was building and now there's not enough time to get his times down. He needed a 7:15 per mile for the whole race, and now it looks like he'll be able to keep a 7:45. Thats ok though because he's looking forward to racing, then getting into tri training. Now, i'd like to say i'd kick his butt all year this year (he kicked mine last year) but he's only doing sprints, and i don't like sprints (not built for them, not training for them) so in the sprints i compete against him in, he's definitely going to win. His swim sucks, his biking is good, but he's gonna kill me on the runs i know it. :)

But all in all i'm training this year for my longer races, and in those i'm racing against myself. But we'll see. Later tonight i'll post a year in review.