You must read this, it's an article from a magazine that a friend emailed to me:

"So, what are you doing for a living these days?" Bob asked me. We're
sitting on the couch at one of those tedious holiday get-togethers, you
know, the ones where you're supposed to be nice to family members you never
see except during major holidays and funerals. I think Bob is my wife's
brother-in-law's second cousin or something.

"I'm the assistant editor and a writer for Testosterone magazine," I say.
Bob looks at me with a blank expression on his face, as if I'd just told him
I sell handmade testicle warmers beside the freeway and was looking to open
franchises across the nation.

"It's a bodybuilding magazine," I say.

Blank expression. Deer caught in the headlights. Ronnie Coleman doing
trigonometry.

"Oh," Bob finally says, "I heard you were, like, one of those bodybuilder
guys or something. So, what's that like, you know, working out every day and
stuff? I just don't have time to lift weights all day, but I have been
meaning to get rid of this beer belly." He takes another sip of beer. "What
do you suggest?" Sip.

At first I was a little offended. I wanted to grab him up and say, "You
can't tell I'm a bodybuilder?! Look at my ass! Now, if that's not a nice
round squat-built piece of sirloin, I don't know what is! You think that
comes naturally? I can crack walnuts with this puppy! Wanna see? Huh, punk?
Do ya? Do ya?"

Then I realize this just might cause a scene and could cost me several
Christmas presents. I was planning on returning any presents I got and using
the money to buy a power rack, so I didn't want to jeopardize this gift
getting opportunity. I also realized that old Bob probably had a certain
preconceived image of a bodybuilder and I just didn't fit that image. I'm
not gorilla huge; I weigh about 205 at 5'11" right now. (When I first
started lifting I was a pudgy 159, so that's not too shabby.) Also, I wasn't
wearing clown pants, a fluorescent string tank top, a hanky on my head and
one of those little fanny packs. And isn't that what real bodybuilders are
supposed to wear?

Bob continued to sit there drinking his Natural Light, smoking a cigarette
and waiting for an answer, oblivious to the fact that he'd come this close
to seeing some serious walnut- crunching ass power. I tried to figure out
how I could explain to the average guy what the typical T-Man does and why
he does it. How could I get him to understand what it is we do, how we feel,
how we live? So I took a deep breath and told him something like this:

"Well, Bob, I guess you could use the term bodybuilder if you really need a
label for what it is we do. Most of us actually don't stand on stage and
compete, though. We lift weights and manipulate our diets so that we'll look
good naked. Sure, it's healthy too, and we'll probably live a longer and
more productive life than the average guy, but mostly it's about the naked
thing. Truthfully, it goes beyond even that.

"Let's be honest here. We do it because of people like you, Bob. We look at
you sitting there with your gut hanging over your belt and we watch you
grunt and groan just getting out of a chair. Guys like you are our
inspiration, Bob. You're better than Anthony Robbins, Bill Phillips, Deepak
Chopra, and Zig ****ing Ziglar all wrapped up into one. We love it when guys
like you talk about not having time to exercise. Every time we see you
munching on a bag of potato chips, you inspire us. You're my shot in the
arm, Bob, my living and breathing wake-up call, my own personal success
coach.

"You want to know what it is we do? We overcome. We're too busy to train,
too, but we overcome. We're too busy to prepare healthy meals and eat them
five or six times a day, but we overcome. We can't always afford
supplements, our genetics aren't perfect, and we don't always feel like
going to the gym. Some of us used to be just like you, Bob, but guess what?
We've overcome.

"We like to watch 'normal' people like you tell us about how they can't get
in shape. We smile and nod sympathetically like we feel your pain, but
actually, we're thinking that you're a pathetic piece of **** that needs to
grow a spine and join a gym. You smile sheepishly and say that you just
can't stay motivated and just can't stand that feeling of being sore. (For
some reason you think that admitting your weaknesses somehow justifies
them.) We listen to you ***** and moan. We watch you look for the easy way
out. Because of people like you, Bob, we never miss a workout.

"You ask us for advice about diet and training and usually we politely offer
some guidance, but deep inside we know you won't take our advice. You know
that too. We smile and say, 'Hope that helps. Good luck,' but actually we're
thinking, 'Boy, it would suck to be you.' We know that 99% of people won't
listen to us. Once they hear that it takes hard work, sacrifice and
discipline, they stop listening and tune us out.

"We know they wanted us to say that building a great body is easy, but it
just isn't. This did not take five minutes a day on a TorsoTrack. We did not
get this way in 12 short weeks using a Bowflex and the Suzanne Somers' 'Get
Skinny' diet. A good body does not cost five easy payments of $39.95.

"We like it that while you're eating a candy bar and drinking Mountain Dew,
we're sucking down a protein shake. You see, that makes it taste even better
to us. While you're asleep we're either getting up early or staying up late,
hitting the iron, pushing ourselves, learning, succeeding and failing and
rising above the norm with every rep. Can you feel that, Bob? Can you
relate? No? Good. This wouldn't be half as fun if you could.

"We do it because we absolutely and totally get off on it. We do it because
people like you, Bob, either can't or won't. We do it because what we do in
the gym transfers over into the rest of our lives and changes us,
physically, mentally, maybe even spiritually. We do it because it beats
watching fishing and golf on TV. By the way, do you know what it's like to
turn the head of a beautiful woman because of the way you're built? It feels
good, Bob. Damned good.

"When we're in the gym, we're in this indescribable euphoria zone. It's a
feeling of being on, of being completely alive and aware. If you haven't
been there, then it's like trying to describe color to a person who's been
blind since birth. Within this haze of pleasure and pain, there's knowledge
and power, self-discipline and self-reliance. If you do it long enough, Bob,
there's even enlightenment. Sometimes, the answers to questions you didn't
even know you had are sitting there on those rubber mats, wrapped up in a
neat package of iron plates and bars.

"Want to lose that beer belly, Bob? I have a nutty idea. Put down the
****ing beer. I'll tell you what, Bob. Christmas morning I'm getting up real
early and hitting the iron. I want to watch my daughter open her presents
and spend the whole day with her, so this is the only time I have to train.
The gym will be closed, so I'm going out in my garage to workout. You be at
my house at six in the morning, okay? I'll be glad to help you get started
on a weight training program. It'll be colder than Hillary Clinton's coochie
in there, so dress warm.

"But let me tell you something, Bob. If you don't show up, don't bother
asking me again. And don't you ever sit there and let me hear you *****
about your beer belly again. This is your chance, your big opportunity to
break out of that rut. If you don't show up, Bob, you've learned a very
important lesson about yourself, haven't you? You won't like that lesson.

"You won't like that feeling in the pit of your stomach either or that taste
in your mouth. It will taste worse than defeat, Bob. Defeat tastes pretty
goddamned nasty, but what you'll be experiencing will be much worse. It will
be the knowledge that you're weak, mentally and physically. What's worse is
that you'll have accepted that feeling. The feeling will always be with you.
In the happiest moments of your life, it'll be there, lying under the
surface like a malignant tumor. Ignore it at your own peril, Bob.

"Don't look at me like that either. This just may be the best Christmas
present you'll get this year. Next Christmas, Bob, when I see you again, I'm
going to be a little bigger, a little stronger, and a little leaner. What
will you be? Will you still be making excuses? This is a gift, Bob, from me
to you. I'm giving you the chance to look fate in those pretty eyes of hers
and say, 'Step off, *****. This is my party and you're not invited.' What do
you say, Bob? Monday, Christmas morning, 6am, my house. The ball's in your
court."

Okay, so maybe that's not the exact words I used with Bob, but you get the
picture. Will Bob show up Monday? I don't know, but I kind of doubt it. In
fact, Bob will probably take me off his Christmas card list. He probably
thinks I've got "too much Testosterone," like that's a bad thing. I think
Bob is just stuck in a rut, and as the saying goes, the only difference
between a rut and a grave is depth.

The way out of the rut is to make major changes in your life, most of which
won't be too pleasant in the beginning. The opportunity to make those
changes seldom comes as bluntly as I put it to Bob. Most of the time, that
opportunity knocks very softly. What I did was basically give Bob a verbal
slap in the face. You can react two ways to a slap. You can get angry at the
person doing the slapping, or you can realize that he was just trying to get
you to wake up and focus on what you really want and, more importantly, what
it'll take to get it.

If you're a regular T-mag reader, I doubt you need to be called out like
Bob. But maybe you've caught yourself slacking a little here lately. Maybe
you've missed a few workouts or maybe you started a little too early on the
usual holiday feasting, like, say, back in September. Just remember that the
time to start working on that summer body is now. The time to get rid of
those bad habits that hold you back in the gym is now. You want to look
totally different by next Christmas? Start now. This isn't because of the
holidays or any corny New Year's resolutions either. The best time is always
now.

Christmas day I want you to enjoy being with your family and friends. I want
you to open presents, sip a little eggnog and have a good meal. But if your
regularily scheduled workout happens to fall on December 25th, what will you
be doing at six o'clock that morning?

That's what separates us from guys like Bob

That sums up my feelings 10 times over, in more detail and with more accuracy and defined thought then i could have produced in a week. Bravo to the author!

Yesterday was a very good day. Good diet, and i managed a 25 minute run around some old warehouses before i went to see Dan about training.

The meeting with Dan didn't go so well, but understandably he's not able to train me (trading skills) because he's just getting his new business together and needs the paying clients ($4,000 a year for him). He said maybe in the future. Thats ok, i'm becoming more independent with my training so no real setback.

I bought some Boca burgers last night, and holy crap! Those things are good! Very VERY tasty. and the nutritional facts are amazing. Definitely going to become a staple in my diet along with massive amounts of chicken.

My run last night was good, no pain, just slight achilles tightness on the left side (side i had tendinitis). But no foot pain, that problem is definitely solved now.

This morning i got up and did my lifting, later i'll go swimming for about 2300m i think. Not sure the exact distance yet. I'm feeling great.

I've decided that i'm going to run 5 days a week, most of the sessions being half hour long, but just trying to bring some consistency to my weakest discipline. Tonight is supposed to be my day off but i'm going to run for half hour before i go see Dan at his new gym. Even if it's a brick off the bike, i still want to get those runs in, especially now that i'm not injured.

Last Weeks Totals:
Swim: :39 minutes
Bike: 2:55
Run:30:00
Weights: 2:00
Total:6:04

Once i actually hit the swim twice, and hit my run 3 times, this will improve. If i had done 4 hours on the bike it would have been much better, along with a 2 hour run. So i'm on schedule, and last week being my 'break in ' week, i'm happy with it.

This week's goal: 12 hours.

Watching a Marathon was an interesting endeavor. Besides the fact that it was FREEZING out, i found myself a roll of emotions.

The Disney Marathon: my friend and ex-training partner Carl has been training for this race for 6 months. His first marathon and he was shooting to qualify for Boston (3:15 or better). About 2 months out i seriously thought he'd do it, but after going to Maine and getting the flu which put him out of training for 2 weeks right in the midle of his speedwork, that dream fell apart. BUT - he was going to finish, and 26.2 miles of running is no small endeavor.

At mile 1 which doubled as mile 4 his wife Beth and I stood waiting for him to pass us. It was still dark at 6am when the fireworks went off signaling the start of the race. Carls new goal was to do 8 minute miles for the whole race. We missed him as the throng passed us at mile 1, but when they doubled back to pass again, he was spotted and he looked fantastic. 4 miles in 32 minutes, and he looked like he wasn't even sweating yet.

Beth and I got on the tram to catch him at mile 9 near the Contemporary. We arrived there at 1:07 and it was only a short time before he ran by us again. At mile 9 i'd say he looked good, but not fantastic. He was definitely focused now, and his stride seemed a little long. But no matter, he still looked awesome for 9 miles.

After 9 miles there were no more free spots to watch so we headed to the car to pick up the backpack with Carls' 'after race' goodies, and went to the finishline to wait for the elites to cross by.

Here's where the emotion started rolling within me. I was at the finishline, not in the race for the first time. The music was blaring, the announcer was blaring. At times my ears would hurt so bad i had to cover them as the announcers voice hit certain pitches that struck me painfully. But that's not the important part. As i was sitting there, listening to the growing crowd, the changes in music, i couldn't help but think about Carl and what he was hearing and seeing.

The open road.
the only rhythm he was 'dancing' to was the beat of his heart, the shuffling of his feet, the breathing of those around him.

When the first elites came over the crowd wasn't all that impressed. 2:19 is an amazing time, but the crowds were still thin and quiet. At about 3 hours the crowds were pretty thick and all manner of people were crossing the line. Some looked like they had just strolled in the park, others collapsed at the finishline. One fellow, an asian guy, had his whole left leg bandaged and taped up, and he was limping horribly through the shoot. This was just at 3 hours, so he was hauling before he was injured, and instead of pulling out, this man finished the marathon using only one leg, as he limped throught he remaining 100m, the crowds went ballistic cheering him on. I bet that guy will never forget that moment.

I just startd thinking about each persons motivations for doing a marathon. Where some just do it like i do triathlon - because they need to or it's just a part of their life, others have deeper reasons, and you can see it on their faces as they cross the finishline.

I was a little worried as the clock approached 4 hours and i didn't see Carl. I thought maybe he had gone out too hard at first, or any number of things. At 4:10 he came into sight and crossed the finishline soon after, a very focused and painful lookon his face. His right hamstring had seized up at mile 16. He couldn't get it stretched out and had to finish a hard earned 8 minute per mile 16 miles, at 12 minutes per mile for the next 10 miles. He never thought of quitting, it's not in his vocabulary, and he was very glad he finished, as am I. He can now start training for triathlon again.

Even though i did an olympic which had me in the 'field' for 3 hours, i still had a hard time fathoming a 26.2 mile foot race. And if *I* had a hard time fathoming it, how could people who've never gotten off the recliner fathom it? How could they truly appreciate their running loved ones?

Anyway, i've decided i'm not going to ride with the roadies again for awhile. After reading an article that put things into perspective, and doing a short 26 mile fast (for me) loop on saturday, it's just not the training i need on that day. I would feel a whole lot better about myself if i had done the 60 mile planned slow ride. And on Sunday because of the marathon and because i'm a bit lazy, i didn't run. I don' tfeel OVERLY guilty though because i DID manage 8 training sessions, AND on saturday my eating was great, Sunday was 80% good.

Notes:
I found the perfect poor mans food: Rotisserie Chicken from Publix. Full cooked chicken $6.50. 4 meals for each chicken. Can't go wrong. i will live on this for awhile.
Dan Estrada called and invited me to his new Gym. Finally! Tonight at 7 i go there.

This morning i woke up at 9, and waited around until 10:30 to go to Windermere Elementary school to meet some Roadies that were riding from there. The plan was to ride 45 some odd miles, and even though i had a 60 mile ride planned today, i knew i'd be riding at a significantly faster pace so i didn't worry about it. The ride went very well though, i made it up Taco Hill, crested it at 14.3 mph, though i was breathing so hard, and the air was chill that my lungs began to burn, so it took awihle to get my second wind but the downhill was nice because i outweigh everyone and coasting i practically caught up to those in front of me. After Taco and i regained my wind, i took to pulling Jason, Gail, Carry(sp?), Jeff for about 3-4 miles. It was hilly and i had a hard time keeping 18 mph and higher. When we hit the 5th hill i was burnt and Jason pulled out, told me i had a good pull and dissapeared over the horizon. Then it was Just Jeff, Gail, Carry, and I until we got to 545. At this point i was feeling mildly beat but was recovering well. When we got to the intersection the group split, some went left, some went right, some just straight, and i had no idea which group was doing what so i went left. The group i ended up with made a U turn and headed back, and at that point there was no way i was going to catch up with the main group so i just conceded that i'd only get 26 miles in today, albiet 4-5 mph avg faster then usual.

We rode a pretty decent 18-20 on the way back, Gail blew up at the peak of Taco on the return trip, but caught up pretty quickly. We each rotated the pull once and were back at the school in 1:24 for an average of about 18 for 26.x miles. I got to my car and promptly realized i had locked my keys in my car. Great. Carry came to the rescue though because she had AAA and called for a locksmith. They said it would be an hour. Doh. It worked out though because her boyfriend Jason was still riding with the rest of hte pack to finish the 45 miles. So she had to wait there anyway. I started thinking how much it would hav esucked if i had finished the ride only to find out i had locked my keys in the car, and held her and Jason up for an hour when they had better thigns to do. So it was more of an OMEN that i turned around. Some things just work out. AAA came, popped my lock and i was away.

Stopped at Publix and got some Sushi, and a whole rotisserie chicken for later. MMMMM sushi. Overall i'm happy the way things turned out, and i'm going to try and run after the Disney Marathon is over and my buddy collapses. Today i will eat right and i will eat right tomorrow too, i had pizza last night and that was my one day. I'm trying to figure out what i'm going to do for the Superbowl. I don't want to eat crappy or drink, so maybe i'll do a sushi party heheh. I have sushi on the brain.

I was not suprised, but a little dissapointed that Hallie didn't show up at the ride, i was looking forward to talking with her but i'm sure she has other stuff to do. 11 am is a little late, and i probably won't ride that late again, i like 9. Done by noon or 1, got the rest of the day.

Last night i was determined to do my swim, and so even with an upset stomach i hit the pool. I was able to swim 200m before i nearly shat myself and had to run to the bathroom. Not pretty, not fun. But it made me feel better about not swimming, the fact that i at least tried. Went home and played on my Xbox and ate pizza and wings. blech! that was my day off, 6 days of good diet ahead of me!

it's 9 am, i woke up before i had set my alarm, waiting to go to the elementary school to meet people for an 11 am ride. Hopefully Hallie will be there so we can chat. Also found out that the guy that has the 9 bedroom house that may let me move in is a guy i've seen before at th local triathlons, i'm really hoping this works out, it would be so good as far as triathlon goes for me.

I may have to nix my swim workout tonight...but i still hae a half hour to decide. Right now i'm having bowel problems and i've been to the porcelain god 3 times in the last hour, i think i may have overstepped my 'cheese' tolerance at Moe's today. :(

Another thing of note. I weighed myself at teh World Gym and came up with 5.5 pounds lost this week. That doesn't scare me much because it's my first week, next week i'll be ok with 3-4 pounds, but after that it should settle down to 2 pounds per week for awhile. If i continue to lose 5+ pounds a week i'll have to take a serious look at what i'm doing to make sure i'm not hurting myself.

For those that missed it:
Off Season Part 1
Now Part 2 is published :
Off Season Part 2

Great day so far, and a great night last night. I went to Bikeworks with my bike and had them put me on a trainer. My intention was to get it creaking so we could figure out exactly where it was creaking. But like most things, it didn't creak the entire time i was there so i'm back to square one. After that i went for a very nice run. No achilles pain or foot pain, just a relaxed run where i let my mind wander to races and other things. 30 minutes but it was great. This morning i got up at 6 and went to lift at Worlds Gym. My pecs are still ripped so i took it easy on teh upper body, doing 1-2 sets, but my legs were fresh and did the full 3 sets on those exercises. Had some breakfast and went to work.

Pretty revved up, and also got a suprise email from a good friend Hallie. Havn't seen her since...hmmmm. Since July's sprint i think. At least havn't talked with her at length since then, though i've seen Phil, her training partner a few times at the WOT.

Anyway gotta get a bunch o work done, i'll fill in more later.

Last night i went to bed at 7:30 pm. This morning i got up at 8 am. I have absolutely NO guilt about not running based on that alone. My body needed the rest, not only that but i woke up this morning with a slight sore throat, so i must be fighting off some virus too. So all day today i've been quaffing OJ to help with it. On the windermere roadies website Manny said he's going to be out and about at 11 on saturday. Just what i needed to get motivated. He's not cycled for like a month so i told him he can suck my wheel when he gets tired LOL. That'll be fun, i'm looking forward to it.

I'm going to run tonight for 30 minutes. Nothing fancy, but Sunday i'm going to run for an hour. I'm going to do 60 miles on teh bike Saturday. Friday i'm going to lift in the morning and swim in the afternoon. I'm still pretty sore from earlier weeks workout, but i should be fine. It's good to be back!

Now i gotta finish Off Season Part 2 which i'll link to once it's on www.triathlete.com.

HA! someone did a search on Google for "Naked Triathlete" and my journal came up as one of the top 10 links because i have the word Triathlete and Naked in my text. They clicked on it and read my journal...too funny!

Anyway as i suspected Diane didn't show up. Ho hum. My pecs and shoulders are really really wrecked so i'm going to instead of taking tomorrow off, i'm not going to run tonight, and run tomorrow instead.

I had a 3 hour episode of seriously sour mood today. I'm starting to pull out of it, but it was a series of things at work, plus the fact that i'm getting mroe sore and more immobile by the hour. I honestly can't wait to sleep tonight, but i gotta run, talk with diane about this years schedule, THEN go to bed. Since i'm doing a double friday (Swim and lift) i'm going to take tomorrow off.

Got up this morning at 4:50 and prepared to go to Worlds Gym for a spin class. I got the instructor to agree to let me bring my bike and trainer in. I ate a banana, some of a nasty power bar, packed all my stuff including shower stuff and made two trips to the car to get everything together. I arrived at Worlds Gym about 5:40 and set everything up. As i did some women arrived and we chatted idly. Most of them wondering why in the hell i had brought my bike.

6:05 i was on my bike slowly spinning, warming up not only myself, but the fluid in my trainer. By the time Lee (the instructor) came in, there were 5 women of all shapes and sizes, and me. He began the session at maximum resistance (9 back, small ring front) and spun for awhile.

Not that it matters, but he was playing oldies and thats not really my thing. Anyway my quads started burning and he was still spinning and i was thinking i was in for a hell of a workout. Soon he starts doing 'jumps' where he stands for about 5 seconds, then sits, rinse repeat. After that we did 3-4 minutes of standing. this was excruciating. Then to half resistance and spinning fast. I kept up through most of it, climging in hard gears the whole time. Soon he let everyone take a rest at low gear and started doing an upper body workout thing. That's not really what i was there for, plus i lifted yesterday and my shoulders are sore enough. So while he was doing that i just cranked out some perfect circles in aero.

Afterwards we did some more standing, then he got off the bike and started doing squats. Again, i'm here to spin not squat, so i did some 10/20 revolution super spins in my highest gear, 10 revolution rest, 20 revolution superspin. I destroyed my quads. Then the class was over (30 minutes). I was a little dissapointed but Lee told me that next week it'd go 45 minutes to an hour. I'm basically using the spin class as motivation just to get up and do something at this point. I showered at the gym, then realized that i forgot my work shoes. Since the class was short though i had time to go home and get them, even had time to log some stuff and check my email.

So far i'm wholly impressed with this week, and happy.

Furthermore a guy out in Clermont where i've wanted to live for a few months now (because most of my races will be there so i want to train on the roads i'll be racing, plus its int he boonies which will help me focus on triathlon with fewer distractions) has a house that he rents the rooms to triathletes. Usually he rents them to triathletes during races, but i asked him if he'd take me in on a permanant basis and he seems to think it will be fine. I'll talk with him Sunday or next week.

One other thing. My swim workout last night was tough. My upper body was pretty trashed from lifting, but i noticed something that i'm happy about. On about 1600 meters, i was tiring really bad, but instead of breaking form, i slowed down and kept my form pretty good. Usually my form breaks down bad, but last night i was just concentrating on my catch and my entry. My 50m time was about 45 seconds which is really slow, considering i did a 500m time trial (7:32) earlier in teh swim, but i kept my form and thats all thats important right now to me. I also had lots of thoughts about quitting around the 1600 meter mark because pulling myself through the water was getting very difficult, but alas, i did it. Then jumped into the hot tub (i never do this, but it just seemed so enticing) then went home.

Then like an idiot i bought swordfish and ate half of it. I just recently developed some sort of allergy to fish this year and my chest was constricted all night making it hard to sleep. Oh well. Today i'm not sure what i'm going to do for lunch, but it'll be healthy no matter what.

My shoulders and upper body are really sore, but my lower body is fine.

Got to the gym, did my 2000m in the pool and went home very hungry. I bought some swordfish on my way home and prepared it very succulently, only to remember i have an alergy to fish (just suddenly in the last year) and now i'm paying for it with horrifyingly painful chest pains. UGH! I'm starting to get addicted to salads...mmmmmm. I'm tired, going to read and be in bed by 9 so ic an get up at 5 to spin in the morning.

Well all my yelling seemed to work, this morning i got up and went to World's Gym and lifted a full body circuit which took an hour. Tonight after work i will go to Bally's and swim. Then i gota go to bed very early because tomorrow i'm going to do a spin class at 6 am. The instructor is letting me bring my bike and trainer! heheh. Should be fun. He says it's 45 mins to an hour so it should be sufficiently hard. I feel pretty good right now, except i ate breakfast before i went to the gym and got a slight belly ache. :( I won't do that again, so i'll have to figure out a new breakfast for those days that i lift in the morning. Last night i ate good too. I can't get too excited though, i have to be CONSISTENT!

I did it i did it i did it! It's now 8 pm. I've eaten well, i did one hour on the trainer, and ate a good dinner. Tomorrow i'll wake up and go lift! WOOHOOO! Damn i feel good, andi t's about time!

And i didnt' do spinervals because i found out i can bring my bike and trainer into a spin class on wednesday morning and spin. That'll be my hard bike workout. Doing a tuogh workout on monday after a monster weekend isn't a good idea.

oh yeah, I'M WAKING UP EARLY TOMORROW TO LIFT SO I HAVE TO GO TO BED EARLY OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES.

I'm going to put it in words so it's in stone:

Today i've eaten exceptionally well, going as far as taking half my lunch for later because i was full. (See my fitday link to the left for details)

Tonight when i get home i'm jumping on my trainer and riding for ONE HOUR. No excuses. Spinerval for 30-45 minutes, then easy for teh rest of the hour. This will change once i figure things out. Coming off two monster workouts on teh weekend then doing anaerobic on mondays probably isn't a good idea. :)

And after my workout i'm going to eat CHICKEN and RICE and if i'm hungry later, a protien SHAKE.

No MCDONALDS
no WINGS
no PIZZA!!!!

Today i went to see Catch me if you Can with Jeff Duval. Now understand, Jeff and i have been friends from Maine, to Pittsburgh, to Florida which spans about 8 years. Besides Carl, i've known no one longer. Jeff and i have had an interesting relationship, we lived together in the dorms, and when i came to Florida he gave me a place to stay while i was getting on my feet. Both times we ended up very bitter at each other before i moved out. Jeff is the kind of guy either you like him, you hate him, or you can tolerate xx amount of minutes with him before you need a week off. He's bluntly honest with everyone he likes, and most of the time its an honesty you don't want. It's refreshing to me though. He'll tell me i'm getting fat and ibeter get back on the horse. He won't beat around the bush though, he'll tell me, "Your'e getting fat dude, thin out, i know you'r enot happy like that."

On this day he didn't say anything like that, but most of the time his honesty is something i respect and look up to. To many of us compromise our principles for the 'betterment' of those around us as to not hurt their feelings.

Well Jeff and i are very close, very deep friends. Deep down our hearts are very close to the same thing. Whenever there is a deep, meaningful life crisis at hand, the first person we turn to is each other. Both of us are going through pre-crisis as i call it. We are intelligent enough, experienced enough to keep our heads high above the churning waters of life, to look into the future and see where we're going. We've already seen what happens when you lose sight of where you are (Josh), and we won't let that happen to us. Both of us on this night confessed to the oth er that though we've dug ourselves out of some serious pits (home life), we're still not satisfied. The graphic work i've been doing at work is the same cookie cutter bullshit i did 3 years ago. The same levels Jeff has been creating for n-Space are the same game levels he created when he started there, only for a different game. The problem with our companies that we work for is that they're not innovating.

Jeff and I are Visionaries to the extreme. We can craft and imagine an entire world populated with fantastic beings and societies, but we never know what to do with it. I'm 23, he's 27. We have so much life and so many paths ahead of us, but which one to choose?

Jeff doesn't really want to leave his work because it wouuld be hard to leave his closest friends. But i told him that right NOW is JEFF time. It's time to be selfish, it's time to do nothing but be about YOU. Every move you make should not be for anyone else but YOU. Why? Because when you're 35 and you decide to starta family, you'll wish you had taken every minute of your life up to that point to pave a comfortable future for your children. Screw me, screw your friends, screw you comfort. Take arisk, go for it. When i'm 35 and i have my first child, i want to be able to dedicate an immense amount of my TIME and SACRIFICE everything i have for that child. I can't do that if i'm not content in the place that i am in life.

WHy do you think divorces are so common. Young people getting married before they've even CONSIDERED they're life career! People having children while they work for people they hate, live in places they can't stand. If you're not happy with YOU'RE LIFE, then how can you ever give a child a happy life?

How can i possibly sacrifice money to my 16 year old child, when all i can think about is getting that SUV i always wanted? How can i go to his/her soccer game when i'm still 'making a name for myself' at my job and henceforth can't take anytime off?

So it all boils down to this: I'm not happy where my career is going. Well, not that i'm not happy...furthermore, i see and END to this. But where shall i end it and begin another one? What shall that new one be?

I've been seriously considering going to Film School to learn to be a director. I've already got a screenplay int he works, and i can envision most of the movie as it is.

What do i want in life?
Excitment:
I want ot meet lots of people:
I want to be in lots of places
I want to be active
living day to day yet with a schedule

What do all those things fall under? Director:

All over the globe shooting a picture.
Meeting TONS of people, and working with actors who inspire me.
Actively shooting the picture, making MY vision come to life

Each day weould be a new adventure.

This all sounds like sometihgn i want to do, but there always seems to be obsticles, without obsticles there'd be no growth. But there are so many loose ends to tie up before i headed off to go to school again. Finances especially.

The scary thing is, even though i have so much life ahead of me, it seems that hte next step will be a big one. Since i was 15 i've been jumping into things head first, just tumbling into them forcing the world to be my little playwrite. But this is a bigger world, there's more at stake, people that could be hurt. Those steps were small and easy (though they didn't seem like it at the time). THIS step i have the feeling will be the make me or break me step. THE step. The last step i make before hitting that plateau. So i better damned well pick correctly what i want to do.

A year ago i entertained the idea of being a scuba diver. I LOVE free diving, love being in the water. Thats also active, i'd also get to meet lots of people....but late at night, when i get a sudden urge to write, to film, when an entire movie passes before my cerebral cortex, when i'm inspired to change peoples lives with a deep meaning movie such as Dead Poets Society or American Beauty...i'll be a diver and unable to realize that dream.

What to do.

One thing is for certain. Triathlon has kept me stable, been my friend ever since i started, and i wont' let it down. I will use triathlon to help me make this decision. But mark my words, within 16 months i will be on my way to my new life and career...probably in another state at a film school.

I'm full and i'm miserable. Well...not miserable, but i'm definitely unhappy. I ate crappy today but assured myself that today was a cheat day and it's ok, tomororw i'll be back on the horse. The reason i'm miserable is that i don't trust myself to get on the horse tomorrow. This morning Diane and i were supposed to do the popular thursday Roadie 30 mile loop twice for 60 miles. She called me and canceled this morning becuase it was too cold.

If i'd had any sense of dedication i'd have ridden in the 30 degree weather wouldn't I?

If i'd any sense of dedication i'd have ridden at least in the late morning when it warmed up right?

I'm also depressed because my roomates are home again. I picked them up at the airport on Thursday night. (before i forget i swam friday night 2100 meters) For 2 weeks the apartment had been quiet and most of all it had been clean. I used the same 5 dishes all two weeks and just washed them immediately after i was done with them. The very next day after i brought them home, i arrived home from work. They had been home for all of 16 hours, and already there were 4 glasses ont he coffee table, 4 MORE cups in the sink along with 2 pans with burned shit in them, a glob of sour cream in the bottom of the sink, a packet of mexican mix powder overturned and spewed all over the counter, a bag of tortillas hardening on the oven, among other things. Made me sick.

I gotta move out of here, but i also know that that's not hte answer to my troubles. I'm a firm believer in 'do it now, no amazing situation will change things'. In other words, if i'm not motivated now, why will moving motivate me?

Michelle is going through the same thing, and i try to explain it to her but she doesn't want to hear it. she keeps telling me that in order for her to get motivated she needs a trainer. This dates WAY back to one of my first journal entries (on another site) where i stated, "When i first did the body for life i saw it in a magazine one night and decided then and there that i was going to do it. I went to the gym the next day and never looked back. What i had thrown away in that instant were the excuses, the impossible situations that i'd put myself in because deep down inside i KNEW they wouldn't happen. For instance i'd tell myself, 'i'll get into shape when that trainer trains me for free', 'i'd get into shape if i didn't live so far away (when moving wasn't an option).' "

Its so easy to lie to yourself. Michelle can't afford a personal trainer, so she tells her self that she'll get into shape when she can afford one....konwing that won't be for a LONG time. What i keep telling myself is to be good for 30 days and it will get me back into it. the habbit will have been formed.


This all leads up to my 2002 year in review. What have i learned? I'm not up for giving a long drawn out description but above all i've learned two very improtant things; Patience, and a reliance on my SELF.

Also, the fact that you can't help ANYONE who doesn't want to be helped. I've learned that hard lesson in dealing with Josh over this passed year. Its so very hard to imagine how sad a human can be, yet so resistant to change it. Through all of this year i've learnd that i can depend on no body to help me when i need it. Carl moved away so i couldn't depend on him to help me through slumps in training, Diane canceles appointmnents with me for various reasons (some of htem medical) but nontheless it's dissapointing.

A very important thing i learned while toeing the line at the Disney Olympic was that i can wing an olympic distance race, but i'll never be able to wing anything bigger then that. I went into that race with a shattered confidence because my training was lacking, never again will i do that to myself. I'm going to continue this another time.

Yesterday i ran for 20 minutes and then called it a day. It was a good run in the fact that my foot didn't get numb or hurt, but sucked because both my achilles really tightened up. They were really sore the rest of the night but this morning i was ok. I planned on a 45 minute run but i'm glad i cut it short. I'll write my year in review later this weekend when i have more time to reflect. I wasn't able to wake up this morning for my lifting session so i'll do it after my swim tonight. Tomorrow is a 60 mile ride with Diane. Then she's supposed to help me flesh out my training plan after the workout. This morning i had a hard time shaving and ended up taking about 1/3 of my face off. I was bleeding all over the place and now i've got embarassing scabs all over. :( Don't know what happened.

And i've been cleared to start writing a column for triathlete.com. that'll be sweet.

Just a quick update: I made all my links to the left so that they open in new windows (thanks Gian). Makes it easier ot navigate i think.

I feel a bit left out, all my friends posted year end mileage reports and stupid me didn't keep track this. That's all changed though. I"m going to keep track of it all on kicksports' recording website, but also going to keep track of that stuff on fitday too i think.

New years was good, i spent it with friends at a house. My buddy is a DJ and so are his friends, they all brought over records and spun. I left the party at 5 am and they were still spinning. It was a great time, very laid back. I felt bad for Buck though (buck is my friend who owns the house), a bunch of people came over from across the street and tried to invade our party, he had to step in. heheh. Anyway i met some really cool people, and when i woke up later that day i just had a slight headache.

My friends Carl and Beth came down from Gainseville and we ate at Kobe Japenese Steakhouse. MmMmMMmmm good! Thats a place i like to go to 2-3 times a year, can't really afford it more then that.

Next sunday Carl runs the Disney Marathon, and unfortunately i think i spent too much money this week and won't be able to go on the century since it's $40. :(

Carl originally wanted to qualify for Boston (his first marathon) but he got the flu and right smack in the middle of his speedwork had to take 3 weeks off. It devastated his pace he was building and now there's not enough time to get his times down. He needed a 7:15 per mile for the whole race, and now it looks like he'll be able to keep a 7:45. Thats ok though because he's looking forward to racing, then getting into tri training. Now, i'd like to say i'd kick his butt all year this year (he kicked mine last year) but he's only doing sprints, and i don't like sprints (not built for them, not training for them) so in the sprints i compete against him in, he's definitely going to win. His swim sucks, his biking is good, but he's gonna kill me on the runs i know it. :)

But all in all i'm training this year for my longer races, and in those i'm racing against myself. But we'll see. Later tonight i'll post a year in review.

After last night's melt down, I set my alarm for 6:30 am and went to bed. I managed to get out of bed at 6:45 all excited to go to the gym for the first time (in the morning) since forever. My plan was to lift, then swim after work.

Had breakfast, got my crap all together and headed out. Got to the gym to (typically) find out they don't open until 10 today. My perfect luck! grrrr.

So i got to work an hour early, and plan on doing the swim/lift thing after work, then going to a house party for new years. I feel really good today, i think i needed to put my self evaluation in words so i could see just how i felt about myself. when i re-read this morning what i wrote last night i was pretty ashamed of myself. Every winter i seem to go through this, and i guess the only way to avoid it is to just ease the noose during the winter, just drop my expectations a bit.

I'm going to have a good time tonight without thought to diet or exercise, then after tonight friends are coming down from Gainseville to hang, then this sunday i'm doing the ORC pace led Century!

Consistency: A word i dared to use a few weeks back.

Consitent at what? Screwing up, that's what.

Today i signed up for my first Half Ironman. Today i ate too much ham. Today i got on my bike and biked for 40 minutes on my trainer while watching TV. Today i just proved to myself that i'm a half wit. A mediocre person. I'm not exceptional, i'm not better then any couch potatoe out there. I'm no athlete, i'm a wanna be. A degenerate who pretends he's an athlete because he bikes once in awhile, cause he drinks protien shakes. What the fuck am i doing?

I want to be an athlete, i want to be a TRIathlete. But i'm having the hardest time beating something. MYSELF. i defeat myself.

Diane told me about this postcard she has. It's a picture of a small shadow of a runner, running amongst these beautiful mountains at dawn. At the bottom it says, "If i turn back now no one will know."

"Except me"

"Damn."

THATS how i should be feeling. THATS what i should be doing.....how the friggin hell can i justify buying a ham, cooking it and setting up a well portioned lunch for myself consisting of a salad and veggies and ham.....then go to boston market and get a large fuckign side of mac and cheese?

WHAT IS MY PROBLEM??

I don't want it enough
my motivation isn't there
I just don't know.
I think i rely too much on people, i NEED People too much in my training. to motivate, to converse with.

I need to go back to posting goals here
I need to go back to thinking out every decision and weighing the consequences?

You know why i'ma fat ass? you know why i'm still running shitty 12 minute miles?

Becuase i'm weak.
Because i'm a loser.
Do i have the strength to change that? Or will 21 years as being a loser overcome me and make me a loser for life?

I did it. as of 11:28 pm on December 30th, i am an official entrant in the Gulf Coast Half Ironman! Woohoo! now THATS some motivation!

As i expected Diane didn't call or return my calls, something that's becoming more and more normal. :( So i read and read and read. Cooked a big fat ham with some potatos and carrots...mMMMmmm Good!. Got enough for lunches for the rest of the week too. This may be something i do more often. Only next time i'll make chicken. It's so much easier to motivate to cook when everything is clean and in place. If i ever want to cook when Josh and Kelly are around, i have to do a whole sink load of dishes, put the dishes already done away, search all around for the utensils i need (they never put anything away in the same place twice) and then do all MY dishes after. It's just not a motivating thought. BUT never fear! They don't come back till Thursday, and when i move i'll be trying to move by myself so i can do all this stuff without worrying about it.

My nose was running all day yesterday and all night, but this morning seems to be ok. Still a little stuffy but i think i'm getting over whatever it was that i had.

A possible love interest: When i went to Diane's corporate xmas party, i met Lisa, one of the receptionists there. Lisa is strikingly similar in look to Jeff's sister, so i was naturally very attracted to her. She didn't seem all that interested, but there were some hints that she left...like asking me to fix her laptop, putting her cellphone number in it so i could call her; asking me to come over her place to help her re- set it up, and finally, avoiding talking about her boyfriend like the plague...calling him her 'friend' and making a point to tell me that she complains about him a lot (which Diane agreed that she did). So we'll see, she doesn't get back until the 2nd so maybe i'll call up and take her out that weekend. I fired up her laptop and didn't find any problems with it....hmmmmmm.

Anyway my hamstrings are pretty rocked today so i'm gonna keep stretching. I'm supposed to do a hard bike workout to a spinerval but i may skip it...maybe just do some easy spin.

Friday Diane told me that she wouldnt' be moving. This at first didn't bother me all that much, i'm resourcefull and will find a place (already have two potentials lined up) but what DID bother me is i suddenly had no desire to train. This really bothered me becuase it felt like it did when Carl left. Triathlon is a solitary event. I've trained alone and had success. But i so quickly attach my motivations to my outlook on life that when my view on life doesn't work out quite like i want it too, it's easy for me to lose motivation. But i took comfort in the fact that we train alone, we race alone, but ultimately that allows us to cherrish the moments we CAN train with someone else and share the suffering and the gains. So i'm going to find some solid motivation. No motivation in people. No motivation in future plans or anything else non-tangible. From now on motivation comes from a source i have now, and will continue to have. This will most likely take some time to find, but i'm sure when i find it it'll be solid.

Speaking of motivation, what prompted me to train with Diane today for nearly 4 hours after a week off? I met Diane at the trail for a 30 mile ride and a 1/2 hour run. It was chilly out and for the first time i got to try my new leg and arm warmers. They fit perfectly and to my suprise kept me very warm, though when it was shady i got really cold. Diane forgot to put hers on and a couple miles out we turned around so she could get them. Overall we did a lazy 12 mph avg for the first 15 miles, very very laid back. But even in the laid back ride, i felt a twinge in my right ITB. No big deal now, i'll pay more attention to stretching. Throughout most of the ride my nose was running but i attributed it to normal cold weather running. The return trip from the 15 mile out and back was a bit faster with me doing a 27mph sprint just to make sure i could still do it. Our average was somewher around 14. Then to the car to put on the sneaks and run for half hour. It didn't feel bad, but i still got a hot spot in my foot, though not nearlya s bad as before. My next option will to get new sneakers. I ran a decent pace, probably 10-11 minute miles but i started feeling really really shitty at the end. My hip started aching, my legs were screaming (though Diane didnt' know at the time heheh, i seemed fine). I was veyr glad to have that short run overwith. I stretched out and generally just started feeling really shitty.

I got home and my body just broke down. My legs started aching badly, my nose was still running, and my body just felt very heavy. VERY heavy. Like i could hardly keep my torso up. My back started to stiffen up and i just couldnt' figure out what was going on. I got very tired all of a sudden (when the caffeine from my cliffshots wore off i'm thinking) and i laid down on my bed. I woke up an hour and a half later still feeling groggy. I actually felt very similar to when i got hit by a truck while on my bike a few years ago. Nevertheless i got up and Michelle called. She came over and i rented Minority Report which she hadn;'t seen yet. I ate some pizza and started feeling better as i hydrated more and walked around. My nose however won't stop running which is leading me to believe that i'm coming down with a cold, which would explain why my pace on the bike was slow, yet difficult to keep, and why my run broke down so badly.

Tomorrow Diane is supposed to come over, and we're going to run then go over the years training schedule. I don't think i'm going to run though. i wanna get over this cold. Should be a fuitful day for me and triathlon though.

Where to begin...

I suppose i'll throw my thoughts out and type as fast as they come, sorting them out later.

I had 5 days to sit in my apartment, alone (thank god. Josh and Kelly decided to uproot and go to PA for 2 weeks) and read, ponder, sleep, and generally view my place in the world. I do move furiously towards my goals, and oft times i don't have the patience to sit back and wonder about the world around me. I am far removed though, from the weekend warrior who blindly rushes through 5 of 7 days, desperately seeking "Friday"...only to sleep in on saturday and really not do much. I actually look very much forward to any day, becuase of the challenges i face each day with training and diet. A challenge i'm losing, but am regaining a measure of strength in planning. I am confident that once i finally get together with Diane and hack out some serious detailed plans, things'll come together. Right now i'm just having too hard a time planning, then MOTIVATING myself to train. At the same time though, i don't feel all that depressed like i usually do when i don't train. This tells me that the repreive was needed. I havn't been training or eating well for a few weeks now, but there's nothing i can do about that now, and it doesn't make sense to dower over it. Just move on.

I do however refuse to race fat this year. Even though i was in good shape last year, i was still fat to my standards. I still had the love handles, i still wasn't 100% comfortable in my DeSoto skinsuit. If i'm going to be a triathlete, i might as well look the part! i BETTER look the part. I work hard only to defeat myself. In typical Jed fashion, i believe that when i'm in an apartment with my coach, with murals and posters and energy just screaming triathlon, i'll be able to seperate myself from myself and train with vigor.

This line of thought made me think of greatness.

WHat is greatness?

Greatness is similar to beauty, it's in the eye of the beholder.

Greatness is a father who works 2 jobs, tends to 3 kids and a wife, always making time to play ball or take the kids to the park...furthermore making the time for his wife.
Greatness is a mother of those same kids, who works a full time job, yet still makes room in her schedule to not only take her kids to soccer practice, baseball practice, ballet, the babysitters; but also ENCOURAGES them to take on yet MORE extra curricular things...and still makes time for her husband.
Greatness is a mans strength to elevate himself beyond his given capabilities, to rise above his born stature...and still be humble for it.
Some would measure greatness by their possesions, money and power. None of these thigns can be refuted. So greatness can only be defined by yourself. How great do you feel to YOURSELF?

Furthermore i don't believe greatness can be achieved or even rewarded until the living light leaves the body and they're deeds live only in memory, because as long as there is life left in anyone, they still have time to make even greater strides.

Born into poverty, moving around and unable to make friends; going from a house on a farm to a 1 bedroom trailer of which 4 adults and one child lived...i'd say that i rose above my stature, and am still rising. In my own mind i want grand things, i want a family, i want triathlon, i want comfort. I don't pretend to be great, but i always strive to greatness, because without a goal that seems unacheivable...what more do you have to live for?

To simply live to walk out the door and go to work every day, yearning for that saturday that you can sleep in is not striving for greatness...or even mediocrity. So many people are just robots that move in and out of the paths that lead them, but sticking to none of them long enough to see the fruits of rewards at the ends of those paths. What point is there to live if not to live for something HUGE? When we were kids we said we wanted to make a million dollars; so why are we not all out there hell bent on achieving that goal? It is a lofty one indeed, and a goal worth trying to achieve.

I want to have nice round pecs, a flat stomach, and round shoulders of a powerfull swimmer. I don't want these things for any reason but to prove to myself that after 23 years of being overweight, i can achieve such a thing. Because i'm only mildy beautiful in my own eyes outwardly. Inwardly i could not be more satisfied with how i am. My logic and intelligence mixing with controlled emotion keeps me and the peopel around me quite satisfied, quite happy most of the time. But outwardly i still struggle a bit. Not nearly as much as i used to, and as i continue to strive in triathlon i continue to make massive gains psychologically, physically and emotionally. Triathlon has saved me from myself, and though i may not be competitive for a few more years to come, i may not even compete...triathlon will always be with me; will always drive me out the door on a rainy day for a run, on a lazy sunday for 100 mile ride, in the early wintery mornings for a swim. It will always be with me and always guide me.

My perception of reality is 100% opposite of what it was just 4 years ago. I see in Josh and Kelly what i was when i first came to Florida. A leech. A ball and chain for my good friend Jeff Duval. Though i resented him for it at the time, i knew his accusations were correct but i always though the world was to blame.

Josh: A man driven and creative. Someone who has a real place in life to help others and to help himself...to be successful would not be hard for him. But his emotional instability, his low self esteem from years of being hunched over slightly from a spine disease, has made him blind to rational decisions. He married Kelly out of pressure and convenience, and very well may live in the trap for the rest of his life. I can see strength in him, sometimes i look at him and the fire in his eyes is greater then that of my own, but it quickly dies when Kelly walks into the room, she quenches it as if she was meant to. Her loathing outlook on life is infections, and has securely cowed him into submission. I've done all i can to help him, but he simply trusts no one with his fears and weaknesses, thus he keeps them inside to torment him.

Kelly: A human devoid of a single strand of strength. A person who uses every weakness she has as an excuse to do nothing in life. Jobless for over 6 months, gaining so much weight she's replaced her wardrobe twice, and spiraling into a depression so deep Josh has been sucked into the void with her. Her blackness is complete, her fire that i once saw in college has been thoroughly quenched, never to be seen again even in my highest hopes. The world is a huge evil place, and her stature in it is to suffer from her point of view.

Interestingly enough, when i was like kelly and josh, they were more like me now. They had fire, i had depression. Since then i've learned to step out of myself and put as little emotion as possible ina ny life altering decisions, and thus far that approach has lead me right. I'm not fearful to sacrifice everything if i think the gain is equal in measure, but i'm not so quick to do so anymore. I weigh everything carefully now. Age and triathlon have given me something that i never had: Patience. Though it is slow in coming, it is there and unmistakable. I have to honestly say for the past 3 years each year has been a little better then the last. My life enlightened just a bit more by the decisions i have made. Before i was too willing to let everything go and dash hopefully into a situation i was not even aware of the ending could be. But now a days I take the small time to think it through even a little bit, and that little bit has paid off. I no longer take offence when someoen says, "You're growing up". I foolishly thought i was 'grown up' when i magically turned 18. Life is a learning journey, learn all that you can and impart whatever kindness you can while you're still here. If not to impart kindess, then why live?

I want to coach, and that goal will realize itself soon. Within the next couple years.I want to do triathlon, and help people at the same time. Nothing is more satisfying then being able to bring someone to a conclusion they never could have made by themselves. The light in their eyes, as they smile and brighten. Helping people realize their goals in triathlon will be very rewarding for me, and for thep erson i'm training i hope.

Something i've learned over hte past couple years in dealing with Josh and Kelly. I'm not so quick to hold out my hand when i see someone in need. Some of the time that hand will not be appreciated, and it pains me when my help is shunned. No, i don't hold out my hand anymore to pluck someone from their woes. But if they hold their hand out to me, i'll be the first to offer my help in every concievable way that i can. THAT i will always do. I will always be here for anyone that needs me, but from now on i may not be the first to hold out my hand. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not.

In my battle over food lately, i'm not sure who's winning. Most of the time i eat well, but lately i've been craving lots of foods i denied myself over the summer. Over the summer i did some good damage i'm seeing now, by not cheating for months at a time. AT the time i never craved the foods, especially at the height of the season. but i'm paying for it now as all those lost cravings hit me at once and i've been splurging on certain foods for days at a time. Pizza 3 days ina row, Moes burritoes for lunch for weeks at a time. I do believe it's hold is waning though, and i do plan on making time for cheat days every week in all of my training. Overall i think i did well , and i certainly learned tons. This next year should prove to be a very fruitful year, financially and physically/mentally/emotionally.

As for what i did all week, well i read through the Icewindale Trilogy and started into the Legacy Quintet. I finished the first book of that series not just a few minutes ago, and plan on finishing it this weekend. These days off have just given me enough time to reflect, re-orient myself from days passed to align up with the roads that point forward. Each year i become more wise in the ways of balancing the roads less traveled, with the ones most traveled to create a harmony inside me, because there is no gray in my personality, there is only insane charging forward, and reserved fly on teh wall. I beocme more adept at sating each side of myself, without ruining the other.

Tomorrow i'm taking a half a day and going to the gym for a swim and a lift. I'm actually considering staying up all night, reading through the night, swimming early at say 5:30, going to work, lwaving at noon and going to lift. This weekend marks the first sat/sun back to back workouts as i'm convinced i can run again. I'll write a full "Year in Review" as i always do each year, after i recover from the party on the 1st. This should prove interesting, i will also post last years "Year in Review" as a reference to look at.

soon to come: lots of info.

My hamstrings being shot, and getting out of work late x'd out my run. I was excited for it but i just didn't want to be unable to walk today. Today i'm supposed to swim and lift, and also at 7 supposed to meet Diane at the Holiday Inn for an xmas party. I hope i get out of work at 3 as a 'half day before vacation like we usually do' so i can get that swim/lift workout in before i head to the Inn. If i can' tleave till 5 then i'm afraid i'll only get to swim.

Diet yesterday was good. I did laundry and read the second book in the Icewindale Trilogy....an amazing tale. I'm definitely going to finish that over the holiday, and also get Lances book to read. Speaking of Lance today i'm going to work on my wall mural with the caption "I did my workout today...did you?"

Today my hamstrings are shot, and so is my chest, but i can't wait to get out of here and run! I'm going to do a .75 mile loop around my buddy's place i think, or maybe do the 5 mile loop i used to run. Either way i wanna do about 4-5 miles. Then friday do some swimming, then saturday i'm going to ride with Diane, look for an apartment, and also sit down and go over my schedule for the next month or two. My diet yesterday was good, and today so far it's good. Better get back to work...

Got off the trainer after a 55 minute spin. Nice and easy to recover from lifting last night and the spin i was supposed to do on monday. If figured ou that the creak is in my headset, not my bottom bracket. I'm beginning to lose faith in professionals who are out to help people.

For instance, the bike people said i need a new bottom bracket. It's not my bb, it's my headset. So what happens when they put the bb in and it still creaks? You think they'd give me my money back? No chance.

The doctor wanted me to pay for a $275 orthotic because my third tarsel was 'low' causing the numbness. I changed my laces and no more numbness!

Way back when the doc couldnt' figure out why my calf and achilles hurt so bad. After tons of $$$ and xrays and treatment they enver fixed it...only to self diagnose myself with achilles tendonitis. DUH!

I'm so tired of people not knowing ANYTHING of what they are talking about. They just guess and conjecture. for gods sake, take PRIDE in what you do and do it right!

I'm in a very ranting mood today/night. But on the good side, i'm about to go to sleep. nighty night.

Pretty sore this morning from last nights lifting. I think i may have overdone my hamstrings but oh well. Tonight i'm going to recovery spin at home, easy 1 hour bike ride. Then i'm going to start with 4 miles running tomorrow to see how i feel. Running yesterday, my belly was flying everywhere, i'm suprised i didn't hit anybody with it. But the best part is my foot didn't get numb. Thats all i cared about.


On another subject, Traffic.

Traffic is like wind, is like hills. There's really nothing you can do about those things, so you just sort of accept it. Riding into a headwind while climbing a hill is just going to happen, so you accept it, or else you get mad and nothing is worse then riding pissed off.

ANYWAY!

Traffic is slow, and i accept that. I drive in relative calm...well...borderline maniacle anger, but for the most part i don't care when people brake at green lights, drive 20 miles under the speed limit ,or weave in and out of traffic. What DOES Push me over the edge though, is when someone is doing that while they are DOING THEIR MAKEUP or TALKING ON A CELL PHONE!

Nothing pisses me off more. Nothing. You could throw a basketball at my face and break my nose and i wouldn't be as pissed off as when someone is braking for no reason, while ALREADY driving under the speedlimit...I look into their car and it's someone distracting themselves.

To all teh ladies (and i'm sure the occaisonal man) who put on makeup in the car, "WAKE UP 15 MINUTES EARLIER AND PUT IT ON! IF YOU HIT ME WHILE PUTTING ON MAKEUP I'M GOING TO SHOVE THAT POWDER PUFFER UP YOUR A$$!"

To anyone on a cellphone while they are driving, "YOU'RE NOT DRIVING A PHONE BOOTH, GET OFF THE PHONE AND CALL THEM BACK. IF YOU HIT ME WHILE ON YOUR CELLPHONE I'M GOING TO SHOVE THAT CELLPHONE UP YOUR A$$!"

I feel better now. Thanks for listening.

Note to self. Waxing legs with NADS is cool, and virtually pain free. Waxing arms with NADS is cool and virtually pain free. Waxing your stomach or chest will bring a grown man to tears, and make his skin numb for hours. Shave next time.

Today i switched my laces on my sneakers, and ran for 10 minutes numbness free!!! 10 measly minutes you say? Well i had to piss so bad i had to get off the treadmill, and that run was after a 40 minute swim workout. I've gotten fat over the last few weeks, and realized that (same as last year) when i can't do one of the disciplines, it makes me unmotivated. Tomorrow i'll go for another short run before my spinervals and see if its still good in the hood. If so, this'll be awesome!

Anyway i did a mass grocery today to help get my diet back in order.

I almost didn't lift today too. had a mental war in the locker room but in the end lifting won, and i'm glad for it.

Amazingly i wasn't sore at all from the spinervals session. Not a lot happened from thursday to sunday. I went to a LAN party on Sunday from 10 am to midnight. A LAN party is when a group of peoplle get together with their computers, hook em all up to each other and play video games. IT's a good time, and DEFINITELY for geeks only. I didn't train much, and didn't eat all that well, but thats not what i'm concerned with today.

What i'm concerned with today is a mate. Someone that can accept me for who i am, accept the future i've laid before myself, and most of all....be THEIRSELF truly and always.

I frequently get into arguments with women i know about why i'm not always seeing someone. They all say i'm good enough looking to never really have to be alone. But they unanimously agree that i'm not 'couth' or 'polite' enough with people the first time i meet them.

Let me put it into perspective. My motto in life is this, "The Jed you meet right now, is the SAME Jed you'll see in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 days, 6 months, 6 years...etc". I lay it all out without reservation right from the get-go. Case in point: On Michelles first date 3 years ago i arrived in shorts and sandals, t-shirt. My hair was semi unkept. I drove her to Downtown Disney where i couldn't afford to take her to a movie...so i snuck in the exit and let her in. While we sat waiting for the movie we talked quite a bit about what we were looking for in a relationship. I firmly stated (after getting of fmy internet dating kick) that i wasn't looking for long term. Just seeing what came up. When the movie started we were in the theatre and just started cuddling. I've never really felt THAT comfortable with anyone in my life, and by the end of hte movie we were sitting close just practically hugging. The whole movie though i had gas, and kept it in, no matter how painful it was. Some would say that's not me...i usually let it out....but wait! When the movie was over we walked out of the theatre and i immediately ripped a fart that had been waiting in my belly for hours. Michelle looked at me wide eyed, but laughed and rolled with it. At that point i KNEW this girl was different...that we'd make a good couple....

And we did, for just about 2.5 years.

Many people say that you should be polite, pay for everything, open doors, etc. To me...if thats the way you are EVERY day, it's no problem. But for ME, well i don't do that stuff every day. I do open doors, i do pay for things, but not every movie, not every meal. I simply can't afford it. They say you should be polite. Well i'm polite, but i'm also not very reserved. I'm honest and most of the time people don't want to hear my kind of honesty.

Basically what their saying is, be someone you're possibly NOT on the first date...to get the second date.
What i'm saying is, be YOURSELF on the first date, and if you get a second one...it's a very good thing. If you don't, it wasn't meant to be.

What happens if for the first 3 months of a relationship everything goes really good, but i never fart or cuss around the girl i'm with? What happens when i just can't take it anymore and start ripping em around the apartment and swearing at my video games like i usually do? I've changed. And that girl may not like it...and thats 3 months of both our time wasted.

There is some merit to what the other women say about being someone else on the first date.

I keep telling people that there are two of me. Theres what people see on the outside:
Loud Mouth
Funny
Care free
Semi Responsible
Happy
unkept (i tend to not do my hair, or iron my clothes)
unfashionable (i wear white socks and brown shoes with black pants. whatever is clean)
Opinionated
Strong
Hasty
Lazy, not very intelligent....Among other things.

But there's Jed that my friends know.
Strong
Intelligent
Very cautious with most situations
Driven
Thoughtfull
Honest
Helping, Caring
Loud
Opinionated
Striving to be better
Sometimes unemotional...

Now both those lists look similar, but there are some very big differences from what the average person sees and what i really am. I've always said that when anyone gets to know me they usually like me. I have a lot to offer people in the way of planning and learning. And in return i learn a great deal about how they interact and work.

So in my opinion i should just be myself and when the right girl comes along, POOF! it'll happen.
In 'their' opinion, i should impress...do things i usually don't do just to get teh second date.
In the 'happy medium' i'd do a few things to impress....to ge tthe second date only to have that girl get to know me, and eventually accept/deny who i am later.

For now i'm going to do absolutely nothing because thinking about it hurts my head. I'm going to focus on finances and tri training.

Anyone who's ever finished their very first SPINERVALS workout...knows how i'm feeling right now.

Red faced.
Border line puking.
Legs shaking...even my hands are having a hard time typing.
Drenched in sweat
Knowing damned well you won't be able to walk in two days
and just as happy for it.

Today i did the NO SLACKERS video. I didn't even do some of the harder gears they did and i am trashed. I think once a week this will be good for me to break the monotony of low aerobic training. It also gives me something to work up to.

45 minutes of HELL.

Who the hell thinks Big ring hardest gear SUPER SPINS are even humane??

I bought laces for my sneakers, can't wait to run tomorrow and see if my foot goes numb.

11 am: I'm just getting into work.

For those of you who didn't follow my journal over at triathlete.com, here's the skinny.

In September i was pulled over for having an expired tag. I was promptly thrown in jail until i made bond. yeah.

Today was my trial (why is this even in trial? because i printed a new tag and stuck it on my car...making pretend i was registered. Smart right? not.)

Here's a breakdown of the morning:

7:30am i arrived at the court house to wait for my lawyer who was supposed to arrive at 8:05. My trial was scheduled for 8:20.

8:19am my lawyer did not arrive so i made my way to the court room. While in teh court room i got to see lots of people recieve sentences..basically got to see how things were going to work out. I'm not the type to freak out...as a matter of fact i've been accused of UNDERreacting most of the time.

9 am. I was the only one left in the court room besides workers. My lawyer still had not arrived. Lots of lawyers were coming and going, making statements for their clients.

9:15 am. At this point i was thinking of what i was going to say if i was called. See...i had no idea how this was supposed to work. Whether they would call me, or if i was supposed to talk to someone. I'd never been in the court house before, i wasn't even sure i was in the right room! At this point i was pretty much frozen with tension. My armpits were dumping more sweat into my shirt than i sweat in a 3 hour run. And it showed...horrific pit stains were creeping up to my shoulders. My pheremones were pumping too because i could smell myself...distinctly. All i could do was try and think of what to do next...but since i was horribly uninformed, it was tough to come to any solid conclusions.

9:27 am. I couldn't sit in the court room alone anymore so i walked out, only to run into my attorney. I quickly started asking him questions and he just silenced me with, "relax". heheh that pretty much did it. Come to find out the court screwed things up and i wasn't on the docket so we had to push ourselves in. I pleaded no contest, the defense had made a deal with my attorney for $350 fine, plus court costs, and it came out to $417 fine. I paid it and went home to change my shirt...it was soaked!

All done, no more worries. and no more altered tags!

As for what i'm doing today, i'm going to do a spinerval tape on my new 27" tv in front of my bike. I've been working very hard on planning next years workouts, and this weekend i'll be getting with Coach Diane to finalize everything. After last nights workout i'm going to make sure i have more snacks at work. Sunday: LAN party! the second LAN party with co workers. It'll be fun, last time we had 8 people, this time we'll have around 12. (For those of you who don't know what a LAN party is....it's when a whole bunch of people bring their computers to one central place, hook them all together and play games against each other like Quake and Unreal Tournament.) It's a 12-16 hour gig and it's always a blast.

Saturday i told Diane i wanna do 3.5 hours of hills, mileage is unimportant.

Till later...

Tonights workout didn't go as planned but it was still ok.

FIrst off let me direct you to my fitday link of today. I didn't eat shit today and 1700m into my 2200m workout i started to get really weak, dizzy, and i couldn't keep my legs floating...i kept sinking. DING! time to get out and get a protien/carb shake. SO i got out with intentions on drinking down the shake, resting for about 15 minutes then lifting when i saw Dan ( the PT guy that wants to train me). i had called him last week and he never returned my call so i was a little irritated, but he explained that the first part of my message was garbled on his phone and he couldn't figure out who it was. His client didnt' show up and we got a hcance to talk for an hour. Things are looking up again and he's a really great guy. I think we're going to be quite good friends, aside from him training me. He's going to take me to see his new gym before it opens, and we're going to do some preliminary stuff.

By the time i was done talking to him it was 8 and i was hungry again. So i decided to go grab something to eat and go home.

My swim workout was good though. Diane had made one up for me but i forgot it at work, so i did this before bailing:

WU:
150 swim
150 paddles
150 swim

Main set: 1000m
200
250
100
75
50
25
10 second rest for all above on each set
30 rest between upper and lower set
10 second rest for all below on each set
25
50
75
100
150
200

30 sec rest
i was supposed to do 9x50 but i only ended up doing 3 before i bailed.

Overall it was a good workout. Oh yeah and to my suprise i was also below 230...229. heheh. Gotta mark it on fitday.

EDIT
I wish they had the times on the fitday site. Either way, i ate the Moe's Burrito at 1:30 pm. then didn't eat agian until that bally's shake, at 7. thats where my weakness came from.

Diane gave me a 2200m swim workout today, and it looks pretty easy. No stairs or mountains (stairs: 25 fast 50 easy, 75 fast, 100 easy...etc) (Mountain...same as stairs, but at the apex, you reverse it...100 fast, 75 easy...50 fast...25 east...they can go up to 500m) Just a bunch of repeats of longer intervals. I'm not going to complain though, my back and shoulders are still sore from carrying those TV's.

As for lifting, i'm going to stick with the trinewbies plan. I called the Personal Trainer who was going to train me and he never called me back. I sincerely think that lifting has attributed to my climbing comfort and ability.

Michelle and i, after a few weekends of havning fun finally decided it wasn't right. Us having fun, while she's dating someone else wasn't working for her, so we're back to just being work buddies. I don't think it's possible for us to hang out as friends, there's just too much there. Better off for both of us i'm sure.

Carl is going to be doing the Disney marathon soon, he wants to qualify for boston...and he's probably going to do it! His very first marathon. Go carl!

A very busy weekend: Lets start with Friday night.

There is a huge event going on that Colorvision (the company i work for) is taking part in. Of course, all the plans for displays and artwork were thought up the day before the event weekend, so i was here until 8 pm making displays and such on friday..with intentions of coming in on saturday and sunday to finish up. Ugh.

Saturday morning i awoke to a frigid morning. Windy and cold. I drove out to Clermont for my very first hill workout. Diane met me there and we suited up. I have NO cold weather gear, so my cold weather attire consisted of my trisuit(sleeveless) with my long sleeve bike jersey over top of it. The beginning of the ride was cold, but as the day wore on, and as i continued to cycle, i warmed up pretty good.

Now lets talk about hills. i LOVE hills! Diane was impressed with my climbing ability since i've never done a hill workout before. She wasn't feeling so hot in the beginning so we took a flatter route for about 5 miles before hitting the hills again. Some of the hills were long grades, some of them were steep steps that i had to really crank to get up..my max HR on the ride was 182. I was very happy with my climbing ability. I remember riding with the roadies and barely being able to climb...but saturday i was climbing bigger hills, faster, still sitting. I rarely got up. I really wanted to trash my quads. Diane wasn't having such a good day and i had to wait for her quite a few times, but that just made her wnat to come out to clermont more to work the hills...which is perfectly fine with me. After 38 miles of hills, i was still ready to do the whole thing over again. 3 hours and i felt like we had just started. When we got back to the car i threw on my running sneaks and went for a 20 minute run. It was nice, but i got the foot numbness agian. While i was running i was going over when the numbness started...how it started. And i remembered: it didn't happen (though i had been running miles on these shoes without problems) until i put the race laces on. For some reason these particular laces don't work right with my foot. And it was further enhanced that after i got in the car, the numbness didn't go away until i took my sneaker off. So i'm going back to regular laces for now and we'll see...i'm excited if i can start running again!

Now, i loved the hills. I can't wait to do it again. I'm going to break my vow not to spend anymore money on triathlon this once though. I'm going to get Arm/Leg warmers damnit! Come January it's NOT going to heat up during the ride, and sweaty, going down hills will not be good for my immune system. i think performance has a deal where you get both arm and leg warmers for like 35 bucks. Not bad. This weekend i worked 13 hours overtime, so i'll be getting a phat check, and also signing up for the half Ironman in Panama City.

Sunday i didn't do a whole lot, helped my friend move his new 27" HDTV up three flights of stairs, then his old 27" tv DOWN the stairs, and UP the stiars to my place. My legs felt very good sunday, but today their talkin to me a bit, so is my back and shoulders. Though i can't wait to do my swim workout tomorrow. I'm really starting to get this train called triathlon training moving, i'm reinvigorated. And thinking about it now...perhaps i needed a few weeks off, and i'm glad each of those weeks i did SOMETHING, a FEW workouts, and didn't just veg completely. This 'off time' was shorter and more productive then last years thats for sure! No worries, i'm back!

Well i feel fantastic this morning. Ready to go running, ready for this weekends Hill workout in Clermont. Just feel good. Might have something to do with the fact that Michelle and i have come to a neutral ground and will be 'seeing' each other every so often. What i need to do now is keep up the motivation. When i move i'll be putting up a mural of Lance, and some other stuff.

I'll be keeping track of my diet on fitday AS WELL as my exercise. I won't be using Coolrunning anymore for exercise. I want to see my calories in/out all in one page. I may keep track of mileage on coolrunning only. But we'll see. Maybe i'll just make a spreadsheet.

Today i felt like total crap in the morning, then felt better later, then had chinese for lunch and feel like crap again. Just an up and down day, i must be PMSing. Anyway i got an extension cord for the tv in my room, so i can watch a movie or something...either that or i just thought i could put my bike in front of my computer and watch a DVD or something. Going to do an hour tonight on the trainer.

Someone stirred up some emotions today on the Coolrunning boards, and it's spurred me to take some drastic measures regarding my fitness and finances.

First, let me quote my post on coolrunning so you can get a history of me. The post is in regard to someone telling G7(greyhound7) that after qualifying for the boston marathon in one year in her first marathon, she was lucky or something. Here was my response to her getting upset for people not giving her due credit for 1 year of seriously intense training:

I would just like to put what G7 is saying into perspective, for me anyway, for you if you don't quite understand.

I did the Body for Life challenge at 264 pounds 36% body fat. In 90 days I was 210 pounds, 16% bodyfat.



It was a dramatic drop, but here's how i did it:
Liquid diet. Only protien and meal replacement shakes for 14 days along with vitamins and orange juice. That was the beginning, 2 hours a day on the eliptical trainer, plus 1 hour of lifting 4 days a week. My drive and dedication was the most i've ever had.

After liquids i had a strict 1300 calorie diet. I was losing 6-8 pounds a week for the first few weeks. Unhealthy? yep, but i got the results i wanted.

I didn't see my friends or family for that whole 3 months, i did nothing but sleep, work, workout.

I spent all my money on supplements like Hydroxycut, boxes upon boxes of shake packets, creatine, intensity drinks....

And after that 3 months i started venturing out again, i had made my goal. People saw me and thought i looked wonderful, and i reveled in their compliments.

But there were those people that said some harsh things such as, "You're a guy, weight loss is easy for a guy"
"It's easier for you becuase you don't have a life"
"When i was (insert age) i lost (insert insane amount of weight) so it's no big deal"
"Man, you're lucky" WTF is that supposed to mean?

These things enraged me becuase i looked back at the last 3 months of my life, all the things i went without...the first bite of real food after 14 days of liquids hurt my stomach so bad i had cramps for hours. The pain of getting off the elipse and knowing i still had to lift heavy weights for an hour. Getting home every night at 9:30 and showering, then going directly to bed.

All the hunger i went through because i was practically starving myself. The elevated heart rate from all the supplements, the stress of gaining a pound, or not losing 3.

By saying anything with the word 'easy' in it, it cheapened my gains and angered me.

Now the point of my post.

G7 is simply asking you to recognize her accomplishment not by telling her where she can go with her talent but where she can go by continuing her hard work. She's worked very very hard for what she has, and there's no beginners luck or anything of the sort involved.

It's not the Boston Marathon thats important, like G7 said, it's just another race. Since i'm a triathlete, Kona would be the Boston Marathon of Triathlon, and when i qualify for Kona it won't be the race that i'll remember most, it'll be the JOURNEY that got me there.

Because our characters are defined not by what we've accomplished, but by how we accomplished it.

One final note:
When i qualify for Kona I will still feel humbled becuase i don't have a house, wife, kids, or those type of responsibilities. There is a pro racer right now (i forget her name) who is top 5 at every championship you can imagine, and she works full time with 2 kids and a husband. She works while riding her trainer or running on her treadmill. THAT's character, THAT's determination...THAT's a hell of a journey.


Well this has spurred me to get serious with my finances (as well as fitness) and i redesigned my financial plan to put me out of interest free debt in 13 months. This is a hell of a crack down, limitinig my savings (which i always use for the wrong reasons) and my spending money each week to myself. But....13 months and i would have an extra $554 dollars to roll into my very own spending account. One year, and i could buy new wheels when i wanted to, sign up for whatever race, fly out of state.

If i can do liquids for 14 days through the xmas holidays, i can buckle down my spending.
Living with my coach will make it easier for me to buckle down on my fitness too.

It's time to make the change and rid myself of this baggage. It's not a lot of baggage, and when i think of a certain friend of mine who has so much he's ready to drown, i think about how 1 year isn't so much time to suffer a little, for 50 more years of debt free living.

I suck a big brown ass! I set my alarm for 6:45 this morning so i could get up and spin for 1/2 hour on my bike. But instead i spun my hand to the snooze button till 8! I suck I suck I suck.

There, now...today i'm going to Swim and lift and talk to Dan about setting up a meeting to work things out.

Till then:

Goals for the Day:
Eat well (already had a steak sandwhich for bfast)
Workout
Talk to Dan

I never got fitted for my bike, i adjusted it as i saw fit and struggled with a little bit of uncomfortability in the beginning, actually all season.

Well lately i made a 1 degree adjustment to my aerobars and witnessed a huge change in comfort, my 3 hour rides don't hurt my traps so much anymore, but my neck is still stiff towards teh end.

I was reading an article today that said you're handlebars should be equal to or 2 inches ABOVE you're seatpost height. and in small text it said, "Very few elite level athletes have their handlebars lower then the seat"

Well looking at my bike today, my handlebars are a solid 2.5 inches BELOW my seatpost. LOL. I have to crane my neck pretty good to keep looking ahead...

When i get home i'll space it out, but i think my bike comfort just got solved.

Well what a weekend. I ate like shit, i hardly did any exercise (my sole ride being today for 45 miles with Diane)

So as for my goals: ride indoors with spinerval...nada
Ride thursday at 8 am iwth Diane...nada she called and canceled
Eat like a mofo: Cha ching!
Drink like a lush: Cha Ching!
Go to henry's wedding: Cha Ching!
Saturday mid afternoon ride: Nada
Sunday run..nada biked instead.

Ok now for a more detailed list of things i did.

Wednesday night i hooked up the vcr and TV but dont' have an extension cord to plug the TV in with. So that was a no go. Diane called and canceled the ride on Thursday, so i got up around 10 and went on down to Rex's place to have thanksgiving iwth him and his girlfriend. That was a good time. I started drinking around 1 pm with smirnoffs, and didnt' stop until about 1:30 am when i finally went to bed. We had a good lunch, then went over to his friends house for dessert. What a mad house! kids all over the place, desserts a la carte, i stuffed myself. Didn't get to drink there, so when we got back to his place i resumed with wine. After watching a late showing of "O" (which was decent) i finally crashed. On Friday I was supposed to go with Rex to Islands of Adventure but then i remembered: Henry's wedding!

I went home and called Michelle who was supposed to go with me (my xgirlfriend) and we went to Ross to get a gift for the bride and groom. After that we went to her place, got ready and left for the wedding. I was feeling a bit vulnerable on Friday for some reason (blame it on period) so i was a little emotional despite not being with Michelle in a few months, and her already seeing someone else. Got to the wedding just in time for them to say "I do" and walked up to the reception.

Now, understand that at a normal wedding, you have a DJ, a bartender and food with a dance floor. This wedding had something special though, the owner of our company set up his karaoke machine! Unfortuantely the other DJ hogged most of the air for the wedding but a few songs did get sung: more on that later.

The first thing i noticed as i walked up to the open bar was the bar tender. Oooooo how very fine she was. I ordered my drink, gave her a smile and walked back to my table which consisted of my boss and some other co workers (the 'cool' table). I started asking michelle and others what the plan was if i wanted to pick up this bartender and they all gave me the advice they could. I worked my magic all night until finally she politely told me she had a boyfriend after i asked her if we could talk after the wedding on less formal terms.

Alcohol for me:
5 Screwdrivers
2 shots of Jaghermiester
1 shot tequila
1 glass of wine

I was very buzzed, but not too bad. I did eat so that helped.

Michelle on the other hand was hammered. She'd been drinking Chardonney all night. She'd never had wine before.
Michelle got up and sang "I will survive" and it ended up being the center piece of entertainment. Henry, on his knees, double fisting two bottles of wine bent down and kissed her feet after she was done. Oh yeah, and i somehow managed to catch the garter (AGAIN, i ALWAYS get it) and had to stick it up this 'not so pretty' ladies leg. The night was winding down (or up since it was only 7 pm) and a bunch of us decided to go to Samba room for some mroe drinks.

Now is a good time to tell you that MIchelle and I agreed to end the party early and go home and sleep. We went together in her car, and i knew i needed to ride with Diane on Saturday so i didn['t want to ruin that.

Yea right.

We end up at the Samba room for a few hours, Michelle is so hammered i[m just feeding her water and coke for the rest of the night. Around 11 i'm tired, cranky, and i want to go sleep somewhere. I knew i'd end up sleeping at Michelels because she was too drunk to drop me off then go to her place. No biggie...but Michelle wasn't done, she wanted to go to Cricketers Arms Bar with some other people. I argued with her telling her i wanted to go but in the end she won, we went to Cricketers.

The instant i walked in there i knew it was a bad idea, the live music was splitting my head. So i immediately walked up to Arnold and asked him if he'd drp michelle off if i left. He agreed and i left within 5 minutes of walking in. On my way out i saw Michelle and told her what was up, and was dissapointed that she started drinking again, after i spent hours trying to sober her up.

By this time i'm barely buzzed having drank a lot of water and ate some bread at Samba Room.

I drove to Michelles and crashed immediately. What a night....oh but wait! the night isn't over yet!!

2:00 am. I'm awoken by a naked person ripping my shirt off me...
I awoke to the alarm at 7:50 slightly hung over, but my quads were in sad shape from 2 hours of wild animal sex. I got up, drove home and called Diane, i wasn't gonna make it. Sad thing is, i ate immediately after the phone call and felt better right away. Still i hung home and didn't do much all day. I returned Michelles car and when i walked in it was differetn. It was better. I had been feeling a bit uncomfortable around her lately, but when i walked in this time it was like all kinds of pent up aggression and 'unknown' type feelings were just gone. I hugged her and she said, "I said a lot of things last night...." And i just said, "Don't worry about it, it was something we both needed and i feel better about it." "Me too," she said, " But just don't think that'll happen again."

I smiled.

Today i got up, drove an hour to a trail i'd never been to before and rode 45 miles with Diane. It was a good ride. 15.1 avg on the way there, 15.5 on the way back. It was some cold though, and the trail was mostly shaded so the sun didn't help much. We talked about future plans and all kinds of stuff, it was nice. I can't wait till i get this fat off though and can ride faster!! gotta stick to my fat burn plan though.

Had some chinese today and did groceries. Tomorrow is laundry! Very happy with the outcome of this weekend, just hoped i'd have gotten more exercise in.