If you ever get zits, pray to GOD that you don't get any INSIDE your ear canal! I've had this recurring zit every few months in my left ear canal for the past year. Every time it's usually a small one, no big deal, hurts a bit. This time its a TRIPLE header, so big it's hard to hear. Anyway it hurts so bad that for the last couple nights that i couldn't sleep on my left side. My whole side of my head was starting to hurt.

Tonight i went to Josh's place to spend the night because i have to take him to the airport in the morning. WHile i was here, i decided we'd pop these zits and relieve the pressure. So i bunched up a towel, put it in my mouth to keep myself from breaking my own teeth from biting down so hard and with aneedle and zit tool, he went to work. It hurt so bad i kept having to think of tropical paradises and stuff just to keep from pulling away. He managed to get the root out of one of them, but by then i couldn't take it anymore, and my whole head is hurting. Dumped a bunch of hydrogen peroxide (the pain never ends) and now i'm writing about it just before i go to bed.

g'night.

Oh, i got to see "J" tonight and we had great conversation as usual. She had a bad day today and when i went to see her later on in the evening, i brought her a small flower (a purple flower i picked from one of Dave's plants heheh). she liked it. :) We're probably going to spend the day together sometime next week...looking forward to that very much.

ahhh what a beautiful day! Went for a 6 mile 'long' run...heheh not very long, but hey, gotta start somewhere. I can tell you that after this 6 mile run, i'm going to go 8 next week, it was a cinch!

I started out real easy (with HR monitor to keep me in check).

Mile 1- 12:31
Mile 2- 12:08
Mile 3- 12:16 I start going back, which has some long inclines.
Mile 4- 12:28
Mile 5- 12:25 OK, last mile, time to go tempo
Mile 6- 10:22! woops! felt good though heheh. actually it felt GREAT.

Only real problem with this run is the insole i put in my sneakers is a bit too small, so the ball of my left foot was on/off the sole, and it made a blister. No biggie, gotta get bigger insoles is all.

IT FELT GREAT!

Tomorrow i'm going long with JJ (Juanjo) on the bike. SHould round out a great week. I actually think i'm going to reduce my intensity on the weekday runs and go longer. i really felt great today.

Things are looking brighter! I rode for 1:30 and swam for :25 today, got to see "J" and we had good conversation, with plans of planting sun flower seeds on Monday. That'll be fun!

on the down side, i saw a study: 60% of americans are obiese (defined: Clinicaly overweight to the fact that their health is at risk). HOLY SHIT BATMAN! How pathetic is that? Highest murder rate in the world? yep, thats good ol' america. Fattest slobs in the world? Yep....good ol' america!

makes me want to vomit.

i ran yesterday for 40 minutes, it was a good run. I'm looking forward to riding this weekend and running. I was having some problems with my left foot in the new sneakers, but i put some old insoles in my sneaks and now my feet are fine. My run yesterday was really good, i ran on beautiful lake shore drive, but unfortunately there's no breakdown lane so i had some close calls with cars that wouldn't or couldnt' move over. Had to run on people lawns a few times. I want to find some new routes, i think thats a problem with my motivation...doing the same route over and over really sucks. today when i go riding i'm going out on highway 27 which happwns to have a bike lane, and riding till i get to my half way time, then turning around...see how it goes.

Yesterday i biked for an hour and swam 1000m in 20 minutes again. My goal is to stay consistent for hte next few weeks not matter what. so far i'm not doing to badly. Today i will run (in an hour) and lift. Then i have to go to World Gym and work out some stuff with Dan, then hopefully go to starbucks and see "J" if she's working.

I got in a short run today like i planned, but i'm still not doing enough. I have all the tiem in the world to train now, and listening to Eric talk about how his body is dialing in to his hard training...a place i've been before, i gotta start keeping consistent. I put on a pair of shorts today that last week were a bit to tight to button. They're still tight, but buttonable. I have to use this motivation to keep this up.

I'm finding with my much improved form in the pool, that my muscles are getting fatigued very quickly, but my cardiovasular system is still the same level. This is where my weight training will hopefully come into play. I just gotta get into the gym and do it.

I'm beginning to think things aren't going to work out like they always do. I really have reached the end of my rope i think this time. We'll see.

Ok, it's worse then i thought, they're 'investigating' my employment at CFT and they will withold money from me until that is complete...a MINIMUM of 4 weeks. FUCK.

Anyway i drove all the way to unemployment to find out this information, on my way back i swam 1000m and will go running later. Going to south lake today to work on some bikes too. : sigh :

I rode today for 30 minutes, but overall felt like doing absolutely nothing. i'm depressed because my unemployment check STILL has not been deposited and i think i may know why. I think they're witholding because of some red tape i didnt' complete. :( i hate having money owed to me and not getting it on time. So i sat in front of my computer and played warcraft III all damned day. Tomorrow i GOTTA get out.

man am i beat! Spent from 5:30 this morning at the race site luggin stuff around, in the rain of course. I biked yesterday for 2 hours...i'm really tired so i'll type mor elater.

i will say however that i miss talking to "J" and i hope she calls me when she gets back from vacation.

So this 10 year old kid and a bunch of his friends were swimming in a river near by, and they kept running out of the river, laughing, then getting back in. Why were they running outo f the river? Cause there were gators in the river and when the gators would get close, they'd laugh adn run away. One of them got eaten...Darwin Awards at it's finest.

SO what does the animal control do? Hunt down and kill SEVEN gators, then take them back to compare teeth marks to the left overs of the kid. WTF? Poor gators.

I'm taking tomorrow off from my work at CFT. My hands are destroyed, cut, bruised, fingers mangled and i have two nice holes in the top of my foot where i dropped some wire cutters. It's also been pouring rain since thursday so it's been miserable. I'll go on race day and see what needs done. Tomorrow i hope to get a ride in but it's going to be raining so it'll suck.

This article describes EXACTLY how i feel when i go on my once every couple year visits. Thanks Jeff for the link.

Yesterday i swam about 1km, my back and shoulders are really sore from lifting so i didn't push it much. I did however, find that i wasn't extending my arm 'over the barrel' and started doing that on the last 200. It was nice because instead of just my back, i was feeling my pecks lock into the pull too. So i'll haev to make sure i keep doing that, thats the proper way to swim afterall. I tihnk i've almost got the whole stroke down.

I went for a ride in the rain yesterday and found out why i was getting holes in my shorts. My stupid seat was so thin it was allowing my thigh to rub against the seatpost bolt, which was making holes. GAH! a new pair of 60 dollar shorts, i have a hole in them. I went to South Lake Bicycles and traded outm y seat for another one real quick and rode the rest of hte way on that one. That one felt good, but it's blue and i was annoyed so it didn't matter.

I'm going to work for CFT as a laborer from today till Sunday, and also i'm going to be working at South Lake Bicycles for free for awhile and maybe "M" will hire me in the interum.

Off to work.

Oh yeah, "J" never called me back after she took her brother to the hospital for his ankle, and she didn't call me yesterday either. I hope things are ok, i took a gamble and called her back at the last number she called me at but no one answered. I"m afraid now i'm not going to get to talk to her until next week sometime because i think she's left for vacation. :( at least i'm keeping busy tho.

I lifted and rode an hour today. I feel great. I'm tired too.

Something i forgot to mention yesterday, i got my first flat? I take my turns very aggresively on my bike, and when i felt the bike sliding out from under me i knew there was a problem, i righted myself (i didn't fall) and looked down and my front tire was losing air. So i stopped on the side of the road, and proceeded to change it. Even though i was taking my time and checking for a cut in my tire and what not, it only took me 10 minutes. It was an experience.

Today i ran 3 miles, lifted, and doing an hour ride later i think. I was supposed to see "J" today, but she had to take her brother to the hospital because he hurt his ankle real bad. Maybe we can get together later today or tomorrow.

I did an hour on the bike today, with plans of doing another hour with Julia and Eric at 6. It started pouring at 5:30 so we scrapped the second ride. I've been putting together a plan with Eric, and he's also been helping me fight my food urges. I think after a few weeks of eating good i'll be ok. I did however sneak an icecream sandwich! aaaaahh!

Ok, with the help of a good friend "A", i've been shown how to archive my stuff. Unfortunately i messed up the code in my html so i only have 2 days from may and no april archives at all :( It's a huge mess, so i'll start archiving by the month starting this month. Going for an hour ride.

I've added a new link to another page i'll be working on. It's called INSPIRATION and it's in the links above this text. Check it out, it's going to be a collection of pics i've scrapped of the internet with an added word. I'm about to give up on archives. If you want to take a look at my html i can email it to you so you can fix it. I'd really like my archives to be to the left of this text, under my picture. If you can help, email me.

Rode this morning next to Eric for a little over an hour. Not exactly an aerobic workout but it got me out at 6 am. Then i proceeded to do squat the rest of the day. Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

Talked iwth J today. SHe liked some of the writing i gave her, havn't gotten to discuss any of it with her though. I'd like to know which part of which ones she liked. She's going on vacation next week with her family, and i'm hoping she is able to work some things out in a comfortable supportive environment. I'm working for CFT all that week putting on one of the sprint tri's as a laborer. Make some cash!

Decided to go for a run this morning after buying Mizuno Wave Rider VI sneakers. They feel good, i ran for 20 minutes and felt a tinge in my hip still, i took it real slow and easy though. Was good to get out. Later today i'll ride the whole trail, probably 1:45 or 2 hours. Yesterday i swam 600m, and meant to ride but it poured.

Today i'm going to have lunch with "J" and then take her over either to the lake or the nature preserve where we can chat and what not. Looking forward to it.

God i hate it when this happens. I go to bed, peacefully...tired from training. And i wake up an hour later, completely re-energized. Now i gotta take sleeping pills to get back to sleep because i've been tossing and turning for an hour now. :(

Rode with Eric and Julia today for about 1:45. Was a good ride. My ass is killing me from this new position since i got re-fit., i may have to get another seat.

Yesterday i rode for 1:30! finally! Today my neck is killing me and so is my pachoch, but hey, i'll get used to it again. why 1:30 and not 2 hours? cause i felt like it..and it was raining at the end of the ride.

It felt great though, and i'm going to ride again today. I gotta put together a plan in a spreadsheet tonight if i have time. Dave dropped my rent to $300/month. He's such a nice fellow.

Today id idn't do shit either. But tonight i'm going to break out "Plans for Multisport Athletes" Kickon a spreadsheet and go to town. I have 22 weeks, i have lots of people i'll let down if i don't get my ass in gear, and i need to do this ironman...for me. i NEED this ironman. The plan: Cycle 2 hours a day in an effort to lose weight in the first 6 weeks. I plan on dropping my swimming all together for awhile because i'm very happy where i am swimming - wise, and my shoulder hurts more every stroke i take. My nerve problem is coming back and id on't have insurance to go o the doc and get it checked out. I'm fully confident i could swim a 2.4 right now no problem, in choppy sea water. I will start running again as soon as i get new sneakers. The ones i have are so old my hip is hurting and they are giving me blisters. On second thought, i'll do 2 short runs and keep a long run going, but cycling will be my main focus. It doesn't tear on my body and i can stick with it for 2 hours a day easy, and drop this extra weight. Once i drop the weight my running will come easier. I'll start swimming 8 weeks out to make sure my form is still good. It's the only thing i can think of right now. I NEED TO DROP THIS WEIGHT: Goal: 2 pounds a week for 15 weeks. Thats 30 pounds. I gotta get my nurtition strategy going again too.

Yesterday was my bday, the big 24...iw asn't able to go out with the person i had planned; so i went to Jeffs work and played games till late at night, watched About Schmidt (ok Movie) and then went home at 4 am. I got pulled over for having an expired tag (expired 4 hours previous) but the cop was cool, just told me to get a new tag. Tonight i'm supposed to go out with Michelle and a bunch of friends for dinner, hoping it will be a great time. STill no training yet. Not sure when i'm going to start up again, soon i hope.

I'm trying tog et my archives back up but having a hard time doing it. If anyone wants to help me out, i'll send you my code and you can slip it in. I want it on the left side here where there isn't anything. I can deal with the right side ok. Just send me an email, its up there in the menu bar.

Didn't do the ride, didn't do anything. I have to do something tomorrow. anything.

i think i need to go for a ride tomorrow..a long...long ride.

While on the plane home from Texas, i picked up Outdoor magazine and there was an article in there about Lance Armstrong. I've read his book and hesitated to pick it up because i know quite a bit about his life, but this had some new material in it, and so i bought it and took it on the plane. It described how he has such a passion, obsession for cycling, that he surrounds himself carefully with people who are only 100% supportive, food and items that will affect his cycling in a positive way. He literally eats and breaths and lives cycling.

I want to have passion for something like he does, like William Wallace did, i want to burn to do something. Sure i've burned to do something, and i usually attain it in a relatively short amount of time then the burning goes away to be replaced by cold ashes. I want to burn for something for the rest of my life. I want to yearn for something or someone so much that i'd give up my whole existence for it/them. Is that so much to ask?

Motivation was so much easier to come by when i was pissed off at the world, anger is the most volitle form of motivation, and it's really effective. But its not healthy either, it's empty. I'm going to use these next few weeks to get re-aqcuainted with training again. See what happens.

Where to start: Lets start with the negative stuff first, get it over with.

Saturday i got heat exhaustion in the 103 degree convection oven we call Texas. Saturday night iw as sick as a dog, and i didn't get to the race site until the race was over the next day.

Today i got to work and was laid off from CFT Sommer Sports.

Ok now lets get to the good stuff.


The kids race went amazing. It was so cool to see these kids run their hearts out, chasing each other down. The event went pretty much flawlessly from where i was standing, we tore down that race and set up the olympic all in the same day. It was very hard work but i was having a good time.

You know, i really had a long report to file here, i actually got some motivation to do something great...but it's sort of being eclipsed by being laid off. I'm trying not to be down about it, but it was a parting i almost felt coming. I simply couldn't complete the job successfully or satisfactorily. I admit my fault, i finally bit off more then i could chew...and i choked on it. The president of hte company however did say that in the future, when the company expands, he thinks my graphic talents are excellent and would possibly put me on as a full time artist. I would love that. I also asked that i stay in the industry by being a laborer (which is what i pretty much did at both races), he said it's a possiblity.

Now what? Well i'm going to go back to work for Eventures and PGI. They are event management and i really liked that aspect of hte job, so i'm going to go grab a radio and make some money. After that? I'm probably going to go back to school. I need to figure out what i'm going to do and do it. As for coaching, i suppose i can't afford it now, so i'll be coaching myself thorugh IMFL.

Well i'm not off to a very good start:

I locked my keys in my car, forgot my ticket at work, and the paychecks weren't cut so i'm broke.

Other then that, i got my numbers done, packed my bag and just can't really sleep.

I've got some ideas for the site, some new pics and stuff. IT'll have to wait till next weekend though. I gotta get archives up too, but i don't want this huge list, iw ant a seperate page for them.

Also, take a look over at www.bloghop.com. that site is amazing, click on the pictures page and every icon you see is a blog. It's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. I just can't help myself and click click click away looking at other peoples journals.

On another crappy note, the house has been invaded by huge spiders. I'm no wanker, i know what a spider is and hwen it's big i mean big. We're talking big thick legs and body, about the size of a saucer. Dave hit one with a fly swatter (i wanted to use a shoe but he said it would make a mark...yer damned right!) it fell off the wall, THUDDED on the floor, and ran away. I swear one of them is going to eat me.

bladd

My head is coming out of the clouds, and i see before me a bare breasted woman with a look on her face like, "Got Milk?"

I'm eating salads, i'm ENJOYING salads.
I ran yesterday, and even though i wanted to swim too, i didn't get out of work till 10 so teh pool was closed.
Things are looking up.

I'm not here to whine, just here to identify when i'm in a slump and correct it as quickly as possible. I go through slups usually 1-2 times a year, and man, when i pull out of it life sure does seem sexy!

Ok, here's to another 6 months of happiness.

Ok, thats enough tweaking for now. THe links wont work because of somethign i'm missing, it keeps adding in that 'http://t3journal.blogspot.com" in front of each one and i can't figure it out. I'll ask Webmonkey tomorrow, he'll know what's goin on.

Hey, check out the new link: Leave a message after the beep! Click on it and chat! Just a cool new feature i added as i revamp!

Well i embark thursday morning to put on a major triathlon in Irving Texas.

*****

My shoulder is starting to hurt again, my hip too. Thought i got over the hip thing when running, guess not. My shoulder has a weird nerve problem, just don't have the time/money to get it checked out.

*****

I ran this morning for the first time in 2 weeks (since my race) and it was nice.

*****

I hate traffic

*****

Blogger is messed up and won't let me save my templates, so i'm stuck with what i got for now :(

*****

I need to find some extra motivation for work...and quick. I'm slacking a bit and even though my boss thinks i'm great...i knwo i'm not doing my best and that bothers me.

*****

I've come full circle. I used to love myself, content with how i looked and acted. I was free and triathlon helped me get there. Now i don't love myself anymore, and i can't love anyone else till i can love myself again. I'm not sure what happened, but somewhere along the way i became very insecure with myself again. So is my life, doomed to peaks and valleys of emotion and confidence. I think my confidence had something to do with having a girlfriend that loved me, i didn't have to worry about it. Now that i'm on the free market i feel especially vulnerable and defensive.

*****

I'm pretty excited about going to Irving. I hope the event goes well. I like my position too, i'm the guy who fills in everywhere that's needed, so i'm never standing around. I'm always needed, and feeling needed is a good thing.

I'm tired,
I'm fat,
I might as well be balding.

I'm ready to start training again.
I'll be working on changing the blog around over the next few days. The main part iw anted to get was the windowed text so you didn't have to scroll all over the place.

I'm really trying for a new look here, but it's hard to mess with code that you have absolutely no training on...give me some time

Have we met our evolutional peak?

Have you ever traveled to another state and seen someone that looks familiar? You know it's not the person you think, but this person has amazingly similar nuances and resembalance. Has every Y and X chromosome mixed with every other Y and X chromosome? Have all the combinations been met?

Why do we all make the same mistakes? We call it growing up, but it's just a bland repeat of what our parents did. Have we as humans really made ANY progress whatsoever in improving our ways of life since the Wright brothers made an airplane? Does the airplane really improve our life?

Does technology?
War?
Vehicles?


Nah.

Education and exercise...the only things that truly improve our lives. Love i suppose, though i've not had much of it.

We're just circling around the toilet hole, poised to go down the drain into another generational cess pool.

I find myself thinking that i've broken the mold. I grew up wish asshole parents who didn't give two sh!ts, abusive siblings, smoking relatives.

I'm not abusive to people or myself anymore, i don't smoke, but the one thing i can't get past - I just don't care. I can pretend to care, i can act lke i care, but i simply can't be hurt anymore.

I was with my girlfriend for 2 years, i loved her deeply. The moment i knew we were going to break up i totally dispersed my care for her and suddenly i didn't know her. Just like that...poof. While she was a sobbing mess on the floor she kept asking, "Why aren't you sad? why aren't you crying?"

I didn't have an answer for her. I just didn't care.

I used to think that was a good thing.

But then i see a movie like Antwon Fisher. I feel like the main character, though i don't lash out like he did, i have much more control then that. But seeing the family element - when my friends go home to see their parents and siblings for thanksgiving...i go to 7-11 and eat a burrito. No matter how hard i try, ic an't fathom how people can be so attached to their families, having to call them weekly, etc.

I talked to my mother the other day, for the first time in a few months. We talk about 2-3 times a year, i go up and seee her once every few years on xmas, then hurry home to florida. Florida is my home.

I was talking to her about my Half Ironman, it seems thats all i do when i speak with her, is talka bout me. See, when i was a kid i was getting arrested, going nowhere. This very intelligent kid, just doing stupid shit..no sense of responsibility. Somehow i pulled through that but i'm afraid my mother is too Jaded already. She says she's proud, she'll read my report when she can.

It's a double edged sword. I want to prove to her that i rose above her expectations, but every bit of success i have is a detriment to her because i'm rising above her. I make twice the money she makes, i'm 100 times as happy most of the time. She's an angry old woman, she's pleading with my half brothers to make life easy on her and take her in. They won't do it. She's too negative. So she pounds out her 9-5 and builds doll houses in her spare time. Her 10 year 'roomate' is becoming an alcoholic and she wants to kick him out. He pays the bills. My ever pragmatic mother sees the bills as a more important issue then her happiness. Go mom. Thanks for instilling some of that in me...not.

Where's my dad? Who knows. He was my life, the light at the end of hte tunnel. When he was around, no one abused me, they were all so very pleasant. He was Jesus Christ in my life, my savior. He was a workoholic, and i never did see him much even when he lived with me. But when i did, boy those were days to remember.

Yeah, when i was 13 he left and never turned back. He used to send me letters, now he sends letters to my niece but not me. Go figure that one out, i'm his only son. Thank you for running away dad, now i know what NOT to do.

I want to be so many things i can't be. I want to do so many things i'm capable of, but can't do this minute. I'm constantly twisted inside trying to make hte right decisions.

I don't want to have kids till i'/m 30-35. People look at me like i whipped my gherkin out and slapped a child with it when i tell them that. There are so many 'societal' rules that are passed down from generation to generation that are COMPLETELY irrelavent and out of date.

Don't burp at the table.
Don't fart
Don't use too much fowl language.
don't pick your nose
don't slurp your cereal

why don't we leave these bullsh!t rules that were laid down in 1801 and start EVOLVING? Why do soo many of us lay down and play dead, not aspire to do anything that we just take what we can get?

The two ladies that work at KFC down the road, if you're so lethargic, so absolutely desperately appalled by your job, then why art thou still working there? Don't give ME shit because i'm a customer, give yourself shit, better yet, take a baseball bat and hit yourself over the head 3 tiems really hard, and once gently. Maybe you'll wake up from your self loathing and aspire for greatness...better yet, go watch American Beauty, one of the best movies ever made.

I aspire to greatness. Greatness to me is being happy, keeping people around you happy if it's possible. Not compromising your values because you don't want to offend someone. Getting to the point, dont' beat around the bush...stop wasting your time, stop wasting my time. Father children when you are ready for it. When you're mature aenough for it, not when society says you should have kids.

When my X told me she wanted kids by the time she was 30 i almost puked on her. Why i asked? Well..she said, because my friends are married and have kids, and i don't want to be the old mother on the block.

Old? i said. When i'm 65 i'm going to toe the waterfront for my 100th triathlon, i'm going to look like i'm 40 with toned muscles and taught skin from exercising, i'm going to be very wise from educating myself and PAYING ATTENTION to my surroundings, from analyzing and learning. I"m going to be able to give a child the best parenting a human can give.

It's different for guys, she said.

Thats pretty much when i lost all interest in her. Superficial bullshit. We feed off it, we breed it, it's in our commercials, our tv shows, our schools, our laws. When i watched Bowling for Columbine i walked out of the theatre thinking, "Thank you, the elusive question is finally answered"

NO better way could it be said then, 'Americans are afraid. Deathly afraid"

We're afraid of black people, so we make a show where black people are thrown in jail 14 times an hour. COPS

We're afraid of the opposite sex. So we buy products to make ourselves look more attractive. If you want to get laid, you better use clearasil, no one wants to have sex with a girl or guy with pimples!

We're afraid terrorists, so we give away free rifles to somene who opens a checking accoutn and doesn't have a criminal record. You can buy bullets at the nearest barber shop and load your gun. It's normal.

We're afraid of offending someone, so we talk in questions, or giggle a bit so we can alwys say, 'Just joking' if someone takes offense.

We're afraid of not being connected, so we have our cell phones on loud ring, in case there is a loud noise that would prevent us from getting a call.

We're afraid of lonliness, so we get pregnant on purpose, or marry someone we dont' love.

We're afraid of being different, so we buy the trendy clothes, the trendy make-up, drive the trendy car, get the trendy gadgets.

We all have to be proud of something. I'm not overly proud of my accomplishment so far, as a matter of fact, it's like it never happened. Though i do have a subconsious confidence i didn't have before in swimming. I now look at most bodies of water and just wish i could swim accross it. I KNOW i could swim accross it. I guess i'm proud of who i've become based on who i could have become. But it's hard to be proud when you know you still have a lot more to become. Still so much to do, so much unaccomplished.

Maybe i just need a dog.

I'll never be happy so long as i let my flaws superscede my accomplishments. I did a Half Ironman, yet i'm still 'fat' and i still can't keep money in the bank, i just have to spend it. I can't seem to attract the opposite sex and even though i love my job, sometiems i find it hard to motivate myself to get work done.

I can write though. Thats something i don't have to try to do. It just happens. So why am i in the industry im in now? I have a gift, why havn't i pursued it?

I want to write a screenplay, i haev the whole idea in my head but i can't motivate myself to put it on paper. I can sit here and write for an hour, but i can't sit and write an idea that could be my ticket to making movies.

My existence is an oxymoron. it's quite frustrating.

"The greatest thing in the world is to Love. And be Loved."

I want someoen to be proud of me.
I want someone to love me back as much as i love them.
I want someone to help me through the blues.
I want someone that shares my interests
someone that will grow with me and not stagnate
someone who strives, somene to inspire me

I want to be proud of someone
I want to love somoene so much i would die for them
I want to be there when someone is sad, help them with my knowledge of pain
i want to nurture someones interests, they're passions
i want to grow, learn, and sprout new leaves, i want to inspire someone

I want to get a dog, but i pause because i know in 8-12 years that dog will be taken away from me when he/she dies. By getting a dog i'm willingly investing in a small tradgedy. I can't get over it.



What i want only exists in story books.

When i was in college, i was loud, abnoxious. Every third word was either F$%k, D#$k, or C#nt. You either thought i was hilarious or you hated my guts. I had my small following, everything revolved around my sexual frustration. I was funny, i was boistrous, i was having a good time. Now i consider myself more mature, contemplative.

Which version of me do i like better?

If i could get a little bit of my boistrousness from back then, and add it to my contemplative being i live like now, i think i'd be more happy. I'm more apprehensive now...the older i get, hte more people i see who are assuming or want something, so i'm less inclined to give everyone my trust right away. Thats a sad thing.

Whats it take to get a straight answer out of someone these days?

Will you call me? sure.

Does she? nope.

Do i look fat in these pants? nope. DOes she really? yep.

Why is that accepted? "Oh its just part of dating" Really? I thought DATING was part of dating. Why is deciet acceptable? I would respect somene more for being decietful and admitting to it, and continuing to do it, then someone who is decietful yet will try and convince you and him that he is not.

A salesman would be the former.
A priest would be the latter.

I think i really would benefit from a dog. For awhile anyway.

You know you love training when you watch a movie, a nice lake is shown on screen and the first thought through your head is, "Man, what i'd give to swim accross that!" Yesterday it rained, today it rained. No training. Oh well. Not overly worried about it yet.

Ahhh, today starts my pre Ironman training. I know i'm ready because i had an insane need to clean my room and house. That only happens when i'm ready for a big change. heheh. So the plan is this:

No more eating out except once a week. (saves mucho money too)
Maybe if i do feel the need to eat out, i will eat subway only (no cheese)
I rode my bike to work today, and plan on doing that as much as possible. It's only 2.5 miles but it's still 2.5 miles. On the way home i will ride to the NTC and do a swim workout and a little run. Then ride home.

Ate a big fat salad today, man i do like salad, but it takes all of 20 minutes for me to be hungry again. I suppose if i ate crackers with it or chicken or something substantial it would take longer to digest.

I'm not sure if i mentioned this but i sent my report to all kinds of people in my address book, even people i havn't talked to in a long time. A few of them came out of the woodwork including Libby! After dropping off the face of the earth she replied to my report and congratulated me. Come to find out she also did Danskin which CFT Sommer Sports helped out with this past weekend (It was hot, i was very stinky on sat and sun during the race, but we got it all set up and torn down before noontime! it went very well). While i was checking bike numbers with race numbers (to make sure people weren't taking the wrong bike) Libby came up to me and we talked for a few. We made plans to go riding tuesday and watch the sun set at the Tiki Bar afterwards.

So who knows? What i need to do is what i was doing before, and identify 5-6 different foods i can eat throughout the week and rotate them. I usually eat bad when i don't know what i want, then i get frustrated and go with whatever is easy.

MMMM cheese fries....MMMM Blizzard! GAAAAAA! I"m dying! not really, just eating like a pig. I suppose i'll stop soon, not starting IM training till June 1st (thats when Jay can start coaching me) so it's 'whatever' till then. Swam 1/2 hour today, did some sprints and bunches of easy stuff. The new swimming stuff that Christophe taught me is totally setting in, i don't hav eto think about it anymore. my body rotation feels so much more natural, not forced.

Something i wanted to mention about the race. When i was at mile 12 i started to pick up the pace. From mile 1-9 i ran a comfortable pace, a pace i could keep all day. One thing i think is important in racing and beating your old times is not only training more, but the willingness to race at an uncomfortable level for a significant amount of time. For instance when i did my 6 mile run at 9 minutes a mile because i felt good, i was running at an uncomfortable pace...a pace where if you go any faster or slower you might fall off the edge and into a wall of sorts. Its a place in your mind you're much more willing to go to in the early stages of a run, but what makes an athlete a GREAT athlete, is the willingness and DESIRE to go to that place...that uncomfortable place where you're body does not want to be...but you're mind forces it to be. I don't feel this so much when i'm swimming or biking - i like pain on the bike. I guess in swimming it would be straining hard in the pool, but keeping that 3 stroke breathing pattern.

Part of training is not only increasing endurance, but also to give you a taste of that uncomfortability you will NEED to be in, if you want to place high in a race. Save the pain for training, save the uncomfortable pace for racing.

The only way i can describe this uncomfortable place is to describe the place you are in when you need to puke, but can't because it won't come up. You teeter between feeling good and feeling totally awefull. The next time you're out and pushing yourself, try and get to that place, thats your race pace.

I keep getting headaches in the afternoons....huge bad headaches :( Today is no exception.

For the past few days i've been getting random hard core headaches, and getting totally fatigued during the day. I think i'm dehydrated still from the race because we ran out of water at work and all i've been able to drink is gatorade. (I know that doesn't sound right, but i usually drink 1.5 gallons of water per day). So i'm going to buy some gallons of water and drink them at work, i've been fighitng the headaches with vitamins and tons of water before i go to bed.

There are some things i'm taking from this race that i'll explain later but here it is in a nutshell:

The swim was awesome, i could definitely have done it twice.
The bike was just as expected, but i will use a speedometer for the Ironman, to SLOW myself down. I expected an `18.5 and i ended up with a 19.2. In an ironman that will destroy my run.
I'm not ready for a marathon. I need lots of run training yet. Also, i plan on having a dry pair of socks and sneakers in my special needs bag for the run to change into to avoid blisters.

Today i got up after 9 hours of sleep, ate, went to work, and 2 hours later had to come home. My body was totally turning off, i was getting tired and my legs and shoudlers were locking up. So i came home and slept another 6 hours and feel much better. Crazy.

Quote of the day:
Jerry: “Dude, you worked your anus off out there!”
Me: “My anus is the only part of my body that doesn’t hurt!”

Question of the day:
“How do you feel?”
Me: “I’ve been hit by a pick up truck before…feels just like that”

Let me just get this part over with. I’m so happy with this race, so utterly excited that everything came together just how I wanted it to (minus a snafu on the run…) that it really invigorated me to keep doing this tri thing. I was beginning to think that all triathlons were going to be a struggle…I was wrong.

Let’s now move on to my expectations going into the race. Two weeks out, I was starting to get too involved with numbers, breaking the race down to finitely. I posted on Coolrunning.com that I wanted to keep certain heart rate zones through certain parts of the race. I was getting a bit fanatical, and it took my good friend Sheldon to slap me around and talk about Perceived Effort. After that I decided I was going to go on total PE, not wear my heart rate monitor and toss my speedometer for the bike. I had a 6 hour expectation, but through it out a few days before the race and made it “under 7 hours” because I wanted to enjoy my very first Half Ironman, not suffer through it like I did my first Olympic.

Swim: My expectation here was wishy-washy to say the least. My swimming was strong in the pool, but my open water anxiety was really hampering me early in the season. I’d do a bunch of 1:40’s in the pool, then hit the lake and swim 2:20’s and be totally exhausted. So what was there to do? Hit the lake, hit the lake, and hit the lake. I absolutely HAD to get over my anxiety. I also did plenty of pool swimming, but with my eyes closed to simulate the darkness. One other thing I made sure of in the pool, that I kept my pacing and felt my body and muscles, my speed; all in an effort to keep a steady but strong pace when I didn’t have a lane line or wall to judge it.
4 weeks out, I went to a friends’ house in Boynton Beach to do an ocean swim, 40 mile bike and 7 mile run to simulate the race. This day would prove to be the biggest confidence booster, as it was my first ever ocean swim. The waves were probably 3 feet, and I had anxiety in the beginning, but it went away, and never came back.
2 weeks out from the race a guy named Christophe came to live with Dave and I in the Homestay. He was here to race at the ITU event, and we got to talk while he was here. We went to the pool one day and he gave me some tips on my form. He said my form was great, but my pull was wrong, and he helped me correct it. In just that week I gained :10 on my 100m repeats without exerting any more effort. My swim confidence was at an all time high.

Bike: My biking is my strongest point, I didn’t have any trouble with this section, I knew I could easily bike 56 miles, I have very good PE awareness with my legs, the only thing that concerned me is that my fit is still off a bit, which causes me to use my hamstrings more then my quads, which isn’t good for running off the bike. Overall I just tried to get my speed up by doing lots of tempo work.

Run: I had a good feeling about the run. I found my pace recently and was quite comfortable with it. I think I suffered from a case of under training though – I ran 3-4 times a week, but they were all short runs. My longest run before the event was 10 miles and it took me 1:52, which would put me on pace for about a 2:15 half marathon. I had gotten some racing flats a week before the race with plans on using them. They were very flexible and seemed to be working very well with my foot strike physiology, but after a week of running on them, my calf tweaked a bit, and the day before I headed up to Panama City, I decided to use my trainers. My trainers are broken down and sorely over due for replacement; I honestly think either way I was screwed.

THURSDAY:

Thursday night the ‘crew’ decided they wanted to go up. I had planned on seeing Christy’s concert that night, then go up Friday morning, but they wanted to go up that night, so at 7 pm we left – and arrived at about 11:30. While I was in the car, I had some tunes on my mp3 player and started to focus on the race. My strategy was to get as relaxed and as confident as possible, visualize the race from start to finish to convince myself it would be great. We checked into the rooms at the Board Walk hotel (100 feet from the start) and crashed.

FRIDAY:

Friday morning I took my Swedes and went to the water front - 5 foot high waves with equally sized swells. No better time to jump in then now…and so I did. I dove in and braved the surf until I was at the first buoy (200m out), then swam back in. Not to bad! You have to time your breaths a little differently and accept plenty of seawater in your mouth, but other then that, it felt good. I felt some anxiety but figured it was just nerves. As I exited the water I saw Marc, Big D, and Sheldon. We chatted for a bit and then I went back to my room and napped for a few hours.

When I got up, I went to registration, did all that hunky dory stuff, browsed the expo and just kept visualizing and focusing. While I was there, there were plenty of sunglass vendors and I started thinking: “The improved swimming technique has me using my lats more, and I know my lats are always sore off the bike because my head is up to high, thus putting my body more upright, thus putting more pressure on my lats. Why does my head go high? Because the top of my sunglasses gets in my line of vision and I pick my head up to compensate” While I was there I found a pair of sunglasses that didn’t have a thick cross piece, it was all sunglass. It was time to go take a spin anyway, so I got all geared up, bought the sunglasses and took a 15 minute ride. The glasses worked like a dream, and my bike was shifting and sounding quite stealthy. I did plenty of cleaning and tune-up work on it the previous Monday.

The pre-race announcements were nothing real special. I sat with the Tri Syndicate fellas, ate my burnt broccoli lasagna…note to race director: Don’t serve broccoli, ever. I stunk up my room all night, and farted so much out on the course that people were beginning to think I was out there for entertainment only. If I had cut a hole in the butt of my trisuit, I could have been a$$man. The pre race buffet wasn’t that great, but then again, I didn’t expect it to be. After I had some food I went out with the crew and had some more chow, some fried foods. Yum! I hit the bed around 10 pm.

SATURDAY:

1:23 am. Carl arrived. He came up from Gainesville to see me race and to take pictures. Bless his heart he drove right from work, 5+ hours just to see me race. He knocked on the hotel room door, showed him to his bed and went back to sleep. 3:30 am I got the wake up call to eat breakfast. I started thinking that 3:30 breakfast would be a bad idea, that’s 4 hours before race time, so I set my alarm to go off at 4:30. Alarm went off, I put water in my pre mixed oatmeal and micro waved it. I then realized I didn’t have a spoon. After a few minutes of cloudy thought, I came up with an idea…break a bagel in half and use it as a spoon! That’s what I did, and ate the bagel and a banana too. That done, I jumped in the shower and proceeded to shave my whole body (minus my head). After my shower I got my quadruple espresso from the fridge and downed half of it. Ick! 2 day old coffee is bad! But it did it’s job, I was wired in about 10 minutes. 5:30 rolled around and the transition closed at 6, so I started to move on out, with Carl and Troy in toe. Note to self: Bring you own marker. The line to get body marked (which is required to get into transition) was huge, and there were only 4 body markers.

I managed to get into transition with 7 minutes left, but that was plenty of time to get done what needed to get done. I walked down to the beach with 1:30 left to go, and saw the ocean. 5 foot waves with 6-7 foot swells behind them. I had to take a crap so I decided to go back to my hotel and chill for an hour. While in my room Carl and I idly talked, I listened to some music and I closed my eyes, envisioning a strong swim. With 30 minutes to go before my wave went off I walked back down to the beach and jumped into the water, doing some swimming past the breakers and back to shore, the water was really rough, but it was doable.

My wave was called to the start line and I was very calm. I focused on the white caps, the waves, and this saying: Slow is smooth, smooth gets you across the finish line with a smile. The hard part about swimming in rough water with 55 other people, is whatever training you did up to then that sank into your subconscious is the only thing you can do. With all that tumult, you can’t think about your stroke, you can only think of 100 other things, so you swim however you ‘naturally’ swim. I was a touch worried that the effort I put into Christophe’s help would just go to waste because I hadn’t swam long enough with the changes to really burn them into my brain.

I was right.

The cannon blasted off and the wave ran into the water. I ran till I was knee deep, then just dove under waves and waded out until I was chest deep, then started swimming. Slow is smooth, smooth gets you over the finish line with a smile. The current was very strong and those of us that knew it, started WAY left of the first buoy, so that by the time we reached the turn, we’d be right at it. We were swimming clockwise, and the current was going north, which was toward the swim exit. It was VERY strong though, I started about 300 feet away from the buoy and by the time I got to the turn, I swam under it practically. The swim out was pretty uneventful. The one great thing is that I was very calm, very focused, very relaxed. I didn’t get to thrashed so I kept thinking of my swim stroke and keeping it even and actually thought about Christophe’s tips.

When I got to the turn buoy, it got crowded as everyone converged onto it at the same time. This made me feel better because I thought I was so far behind that there was no one around me, when in reality I was just so really to the left of the buoy. Once we made that turn, the current was going with us and it made for a fast 600 meters. Also, the swells were easier to manage when you’re not swimming into them. I got to the last turn buoy in what seemed like record time, I was feeling great, I just started to feel like I could push the pace. When I got to the buoy I was alone again, I looked behind me and saw lots of people so I must have passed a bunch on that stretch. When I turned I just started swimming without sighting much. It was actually very hard to sight because the swells were big and they blocked your view of the buoy’s and horizon line. I just kept swimming.

Then the oddest thing happened, my finger tips started to get numb. Then the swim started to suck. Not because my fingers were numb, but because I stopped a few times to look around and didn’t see anyone, or anything. No swim caps, no boats, no buoy’s. I looked to the shore and could see 3 hotels but with the glare couldn’t tell which one to swim to. Only one thing to do, swim more. A few minutes later a guy came zooming up on his jetski and yelled that I was way off course, and to swim more to my right. So that’s what I did, until he came back again and told me I was off course again. This happened 2 more times and it didn’t seem like I was getting any closer to shore. I was still calm but I was pissed because I was having such a good swim and now the rip current was taking me away from the swim exit.

By the time I got out of the surf I was about 1/3 of a mile down the beach – and not the only one. So I trucked it up the beach and into the swim exit chute to record a 44:59 time. I firmly believe that I had a 35 minute 1.2 mile swim if I hadn’t gone off course. Later on I found out most people complained about a 8-10 minute deficit because they went off course. That was frustrating but I just went right into transition and put my stuff on for the bike. Final thoughts on the swim: Perfect. Calm, easy, relaxed. It couldn’t have gone better.

I started on the bike in the small chain ring, nice and easy. I didn’t put it into the big ring until about 15 minutes into it, after I downed a bar and some Gatorade. Then the plan was to just push until I had a nice mild burn in my legs, and keep that pace. At first I got passed by a few people, and I didn’t really see many people on the road, but about 5 miles into it I started to see the pro’s coming back and after I put it into the big ring I started to pass tons of people. My wave was the 2nd to last wave, so I had the whole field in front of me. I would have to say I didn’t experience any blatant drafters and very few blockers. I saw at least 4 people go down, not sure how, but suck none the less. The bike was pretty much uneventful, without my speedometer I didn’t know how far I was until I hit the aid stations, but I had a general idea since I had ridden the course a month or so ago. It was nice, I just focused on my body and my breathing and let it tell me the pace. At the turn around Carl was right there and took some great pictures, he managed to drive his car out there in time!

After the turn around I decided to pick up the pace just a little bit. I felt good and figured I could push it a bit more. One thing that sucked though, I had a hard time positioning myself to work my quads. My hamstrings did a lot of the work and I really felt it on the run later. By the time transition rolled around, my crotch was hurting as it usually does, I think I need a different seat. So I was glad to be off my bike, and without knowing my time (I did guesstimate I did under 3 hours), I had no expectations for the run, no time to make up or whatever…no pressure. So far the day was going wonderfully. I remembered hearing that there were people with sun block going out of transition, so I kept yelling, “where’s the sun block?!” and the first three people said, “Right out of transition…”, but when I got to the exit, I said, is there sunblockers here? They volunteers didn’t have a clue what I was talking about. Oh well, a little sun never hurt anyone right?

Onto the run my legs were stiff and my hams were talking, but nothing unusual. What sucked was the aid stations were set not on the mile markers, but a little after them. Not only that but there were painted numbers for mile markers on the roads, but they weren’t accurate, you had to look for white signs that marked the miles. This was ok in the beginning, but when you’re borderline delirious at the end of the race, you can’t differentiate from painted, aid station, and white sign. Got a bit confusing in the final miles.

Here was the plan: Take the run 1 mile at a time. Use each aid station as a walking point, and just concentrate on getting to the next aid station. That worked immensely wonderfully in the beginning. The first 8 miles went by so well, the first two I was running too fast as I started to chat it up with faster runners and trying to keep up with them. I realized this and backed off to a very easy run. Things turned very comfortable, all my heat training paid off as I was completely comfortable in the 102 heat indexed weather. Going out there was a nice ocean breeze, but that didn’t stop me from getting ice sponges and such and putting them on my head. Each aid station I downed a gel with caffeine and some water.

I kept thinking, “My what a beautiful day! It’s so nice to be out here!” that’s how awesome this race was going for me. Some of the course runs through the neighborhoods and people were out spraying athletes, I welcomed the temporary spray each time…and would prove to be my downfall. I forgot that at my last half marathon I let people spray me, and my shoes got wet, which caused massive blisters, which ruined my race. It’s been awhile since I raced so I forgot, I won’t forget this time though. Mile 9 was when they started to become a problem. I also started to get a side stitch, but I would breath in really deep to stretch my diaphragm and it would go away, then come back periodically. Mile 9 was the deadzone though. Once my blisters started to really bother me, the side stitch joined the party and didn’t go away until I finished the race. Every breath out was pain. Every foot fall (blisters on both feet) was pain.

I can tell you what caffeine did for me. It didn’t make me run faster, but it kept my mind going very strong and fast, which kept me from having lots of negative thoughts. When I get tired I tend to get negative, so even though my body was breaking down, my mind was working for me. My traps and lats and shoulders were also starting to lock up, but I kept using positive reinforcement:

I’m a machine
I’m an animal
There is no pain
I’m nearly there

I just tried to focus on other things. Now let me tell you, when the race was a mile per mile breakdown, when I was just going for each aid station, I was really enjoying myself. But when the pain started my subconscious started to work against me:

You have FOUR miles to go! FOUR MILES!
That aid station took longer to get to then the last 8
The red number says mile 10!
That white sign says Mile 10! (4 minutes later)
You still have 3 miles to go. Over a half hour!
You need to walk more

At this point I started to break down mentally. Oh how I wanted to walk. My mind finally won over as I saw more and more people walking…so I started walking longer through the aid stations, and usually about half way to the next one I’d walk for a minute or two. Thing is, my mind kept telling me, ‘Faster you get done, the less pain you have to go through” and I’d start running again.

Survival, I’d gone through the whole race, and had 1.1 miles left to go, and I had to prove to myself that I had what it took. I looked at my watch and it read 6:18. I had 12 minutes to beat 6:30. I would not walk that last 1.1 miles. So I started to jog – I would not jog that last 1.1 miles. So I started to run. The pain in my feet went away pretty quickly because there was just too much of it to register. I knew I had crossed the line: If I stopped now, I wouldn’t be able to get back up. My body screamed for me to stop, but I just kept saying, “F$%k you, F$%k you, I’m going to do this and finish it strong!”

As I neared the half way mark, people started lining the streets and yelling that I was almost there. This was the most painful part of it. I knew I wasn’t that close, I still have a 4-5 minutes to go, but they’re ‘almost there’ comments worked against me as my mind started telling my body to stop. When I rounded the corner and had less then ¼ of a mile to go, I was crying a bit because I knew I was going to finish, but my breathing and pain kept me from really sticking to any one emotion for a fraction of a second. It was just a cycle. Happy, elated, painful, tired, push on.

Carl was waiting at that corner and he started to run with me. By this time I was wheezing with some sticky drool coming out of my nose and mouth. He knew I was in bad shape but I was so close! He just kept talking to me and I kept looking for the finish line. I was numb by then. My seconds were numbered. I don’t know when Carl stopped running with me, he pointed out the finish line and when I saw it I kicked the last amount of strength I had. I was breathing so hard and wheezing so loud people were turning around from conversations to watch me go by.

Jerry announced my name and told the crowd I had just finished my first Half Ironman (I know Jerry), and the next thing I remember is looking at my watch: 6:35, I missed it by 5 minutes…which meant that when I thought I was running fast, I was actually running about a 14 minute mile. There were two volunteers to hold me up…I didn’t think I needed them but I felt myself putting more and more weight on them. They stuck a water in my face, and I downed the whole thing, one of them asked if I wanted to go to medical and I nodded my head. As they started to take me there, I noticed the guy with the finishers medals….I stopped and they looked at me. I still couldn’t really talk so I just pointed to the guy, and they both laughed. “You definitely gotta get that!” They put one over my head and lead me to the Med Tent.

I was in there for about 5 minutes and a lady came over and asked to take my HR, she asked me what my resting was and I said about 58. My HR was still 120 when she took it, so she put an IV in me. I looked to my right and a lady named Carolyn was sitting there with an IV, looking totally out of it. She was totally sluggish and non responsive. I took off my sneakers, socks…and laid there while the juice went into my veins. After 4 IV bags, Carolyn was starting to get back to normal, what an amazing transformation! She walked out before I did, my walk to my hotel room was very painful, I was bold legged, my feet were killing me…but I was a happy camper. I went back to the room, showered and took a nap in preparation for the post race party in which I ate 4 racks of ribs. mmMMMmmm good!

I would like to thank all of the med tent people, the awesome volunteers, the race directors and everyone that had a hand in creating a day that was available for me to torture myself for six and a half hours. I thoroughly enjoyed this race and will definitely do it again next year.

Things learned:
I think I might enjoy racing Olympic distance competitively. Some of you may know that my quest for the past 2 years was to do all the distances and figure out which one was most suited for me to compete in. My Olympic last year sucked because I was under prepared and my error on the run cost me big time. But the way I felt on race day this time was like I could have done an Olympic with no problem.
I couldn’t do an Ironman right now and finish it. Simple as that. I thought I might be able to a few weeks ago, but no way now. Nice wake up call.

Don’t get your shoes wet. In the Ironman I’m going to bring a pair of dry socks with me on the run and change them after the first 13.1 loop.

Since the swim will be the same thing at my Ironman, I’m going to do what the pros did after the second turn, and aim my body for the swim START, so the current will take me to the swim FINISH instead of 1/3 of a mile down the beach.

The focusing, visualizing…it all helped tremendously. I’m going to do this more frequently to aid in race and training performance.

No broccoli before a race.

That’s all I can think of major right now. I’ll add to this list of things learned in a few days.

Thanks everyone for reading, it was an amazing day and I’m very happy with it. Today (2 days later) I’m like a diesel truck…takes me awhile to get going, but once I start walking I’m ok.

Jed

I havn't quite left yet as you can see. Shortly though:

I spoke with Christy and she was busy before the concert and wouldn't be able to do anything after because she's got homework, i told her i couldn't make it (sadly so) but it all seemed to work out. I told her i'd call her on Saturday after the race. Gotta call mom too, it's mothers day!

I just went to the Cozy Cat Cafe and got a quadrulple shot of espresso mixed with enough coffee to fill a water bottle. That'll be my morning fix the day of the race.

Also did a bunch of visualization, listened to some good tunes...building the confidence. Thats what this whole past two weeks has been, feeding the confidence that i can ocmplete this race strong.

Tomorrow's swim should top it off.

The plan on Friday night:

9 pm, bed

3:30 am breakfast, back to bed

5:30 am, shower, shave, get ready

6:30 am transition set up, focus, visualize

7:30 race.

Breakfast consists of 1.5 cups of oatmeal with 1 teaspoon of brown sugar, 2 bananas, 1 bottle water.

Then between 5:30 am and 7:30 go through 2 more botltles of water and 1 gel

or course once the day gets rolling theres no telling how well i'll be able to stick to teh plan.

Change in plan: We're leaving tonight. Which means i'm going to miss Christy's concert. sheizer! I hopefully will get to see her for an hour before i leave though.

Ok, mind on teh race, mind on the race!

I leave at 5:45 pm to head up to Panama City. I'll be out and about tomorrow and will hopefully be connected to report and to check email. Till then, see ya at the finishline!

Signs of excitability:

Yawning constantly
the need to stretch every 4 minutes
sweating
unableness to stay in one spot for 3 minutes
total lack of focus
irritability

Well i found out i'm not dead last last year! i came in 437 out of 468 athletes! lol. M 20-24 age group according to the USAT rankings. not bad for only 3 races i guess.

Am i nervous? Nah. I'm i excited as hell? yea. I'm sweating like a cup of ice in a hot room. No matter how much Degree i have on, my shirt is just soaked. heh. I was supposed to take today off but i think i still might go hit the pool just to test out the Swedes one more time, and also my new skinsuit i had ordered. My old one is ratty.

Today i wanted to hit the pool to put my stroke into concrete, also to have Christophe takea look at my stroke one final time. But alas, life intervened, and osmoene fell into the pool and bled into it, so they had to shock it and close it till tomorrow afternoon. Instead i bought some Swedes (swedish goggles that don't use rubber but finely crafted plastic to make a perfect seal over your eye. Very simple, inexpensive, very comfy and cool too), went to the lake and started swimming. The Swedes worked like a charm, and my stroke was good. ANother thing was in the dark open water i didn't get ANY anxiety, iw as comfortabel right from the first stroke. More confidence for the race.

On the down side, i went for a 15 minute tempo run after in my flats and my left calf got tweaked. So that made the decision for me, going to use the trainers for the race. Tomorrow i don't do anything, then friday i'll do another open water swim after i arrive in Panama City, and maybe a short run.

Tomorrow night i'm going to see Christy perform at a concert, that'll be cool, then afterward we'll hang out before i have to go to bed...then get up at 6 am to start the drive to panama city.

I don't feel that nervous, but my sense of what day it is, is all messed up. I keep thinking it's thursday...and i'm also starting to get zits, a clear sign of nervousness considering i have a great complexion to start out with. So far i've got 2 painful ones on my forehead and upper lip. Who knows how many more i'll get before race day. heheh. Pretty soon i'll look like Acne Annie from the Garbage Pail kids (anyone remember them?)

Hit the pool yesterday, practiced the new improved stroke. It came pretty naturally, and i practiced different speeds. I think i found a comfortable speed...the only thing i'm worried about is my bike fit. My current set up uses my lats to hold up my upper body, if i come out of the water with sore lats, and then further tax them on the bike, then my run will be horrid.

I'm actually considering riding without shades. I've found that the shades i have...they make my head go up because the top part of the shades get in the way of my vision. With my head down, my body relaxes, and it takes a lot of pressure off my lats. Unless of course i find a pair of sunglasses that has no top cross piece.

I don't feel like being here today. I'm a bit tired, and my lats are pretty tweaked from my new swim stroke. I'm going to use my old oen in the race, but it's nice to know i'm going to start improving again once the Half IM is done.

I decided the ride this morning would be to hard and fast to be so close to the race, so i didn't do it. I may not get my ride in today either because the truck to go up to Panama is being packed tonight and my bike has to go with it. I will hit the pool however, and maybe do another short run.

I talked with Christy yesterday and found out she's performing in a concert at her school on Thursday, so i'm going to go and watch. Plus Thursday night is the last night i'll get to see her until monday, so it'll be good to go and watch, hang out a bit afterward, then sleep.

Today was a good day: I ran 3.2 miles, i was going to run 6 but itw as so hot outside, it just didn't seem worth it. I'll do another semi long run later in the week at afternoon/night time when it's cooler. It's been in the high 90's here. I also biked to the training center, did a swim with Christophe who showed me a few new things i need to work on in my technique, but otherwise he said my stoke was excellent. Biked home and went to see Christy.

God, she's so great. Her face lights right up when she sees me, and vica versa. It's just really nice to see her. This week she's all booked up, but on Thursday she's got a cocnert at school i'm going to go see, and that will be the last time i see her until Sunday night or Monday.

I'm debating whether or not to go on the 'tuesday' ride, which would be 50-60 miles at a decent pace. I'm sure i'd be recovered before saturday, just not sure if it'd be worth it. I know Christophe is going, maybe if he's going to cut it short i'll go. He also said i had really good form and control on the bike, that i was an intelligent biker (my shifting habbits). He's a pro, so i'll take that to heart. Just boosting my confidence that i'm going to have a good race this coming Saturday.

If i don't go on the 'ride' i'll ride anyway, also i'm going to hit the pool again tomorrow night.

6 Days and counting. I'm starting to get a little nervous, but nothing serious. Not nervous about the race, nervous i'll forget something. I've never raced so far from home before, and never raced out of a hotel, so i'm bringing all my fuel, breakfast foods, etc. so nothing has to change. I've got a list running so i've got a head start.

Two revalations: I'm probably NOT going to use my flats in the race. I havn't done more then 3.5 miles in them at any one time, and i'd have to go through my half marathon woes again where i ran with new shoes to mile 7, then started to get bad blisters which ruined my race (2 years ago).

Revelation number 2: No heart rate monitor, no speedometer on the bike. I'm going to put my mind inside my leg muscles and push as much as i feel comfortable, without regard to speed. Just going to race by feel. The only thing i'll have is a watch that i'll start at the beginning and stop at the end, this will allow me to generalize my splits on teh run only. And i also plan to walk every run aid station until i have fluid in me, then start running again, maybe a :30 break.

i had a long post, but of course i clicked the wrong button and messed it up. God i hate that.

The skinny:
Had a crappy morning
tuned up my bike
rode with a lady that was in town, 10/ran 2/7.5, swam. tough day, high intensity. felt great, really upped my confidence.

Friday's date: Went very well, very comfortable. Supposed to see her Sunday.

going to run 6 miles on my flats tomorrow, ran 2 today with no problems. felt good.

I havn't written in here in awhile huh? I thought i posted somethign on tuesday but i guess not.

Tuesday i went for a tempo ride, and came home early...10 minutes after i came home a massive storm rolled in and knocked a tree down in the front yard, causeieng a hole in the roof of our house. Nice. I saw the storm and thats why i came home early.

Wednesday i ran for half hour, it was humid as hell out so it was slow going.

Today i bought some new sneaks to run in, but that was it.

Tomorrow i go on a date.

Saturday is going to be a hard brick, the last one till the race. 2 hour ride, 1 hour run all at tempo hopefully.

Today i swam with a co-worker i've been trying to swim with for a coupel weeks. He's a great swimmer and gave me a couple helpful hints today, as well as told me my form is very good. We swam 2km with a mix of drills and speed work. It was a lot of fun and i can't wait till wednesday when we do it again. Tomorrow i'll ride and run. Not much else going on.

I"m in a pissy mood today. I got up late and have to go to work (where i'm at now) so i didn't get my ride in today. Add to that the fact that yesterday's run (even though i kept my HR down) was devastating to my left calf for some friggin reason, AND a girl i was supposed to go out with yesterday never called back...and you see that my weekend pretty much sucked.

I'm probably going to go for an easy 3 hour spin at 5, but i can't go very far away cause it gets dark around 7:30.

Just generally in a pissy mood. Woe is me.

Ran 10 miles this morning, i was hurting on the last couple miles, my achilles (both legs) are just totally wrecked. I did however, keep my HR below 150 the whole time with an avf of 146. I have no idea how i kept a 164 avg and 10 minute miles for 10 miles last time, because i was beat after this run. My avg mile was 11:40. Anyway i'm going to push my 5:30 Half IM goal to 6 hours. The run does concern me a little bit. Next week i'll go 11 or 12 miles as my last long run before Panama. Was going to do 12 today but at mile 5 i knew i was running out of gas.

Wednesday i went for a swim, and my neck hurt real bad, i ended up with 1800m before calling it quits for the week to let my crinked neck hav ea break. Yesterday i didn't do a damned thing, Viv was leaving and i was starving from mal nutrition that day...so i ate and just hung out at the house instead of doing my tempo ride.

Today i'm going for a run, then tomorrow an 11 mile run with heart rate monitor, also i'm supposed to go out with a girl i met at Starbucks.

Speaking of Starbucks....
.

Each day i go in there, usually the same girl makes my coffee -

Tall hot coffee, poured over ice in a Venti cup with 3 shots of vanilla

It's not that hard

1.50 total each day

Then some new idiot gets in there and they first look at me like i'm stupid, asking for a tall in a Venti, but if i just ask for a venti they charge me for teh Venti.

SO ANYWAY, after taking 5 minutes to explain this difficult surgical procedure, the girl makes it, then starts shooting the price guide with her gun like she's trying to kill a rapist.

*BEEP!*
*BEEP!*
*BEEP!*
*BEEP!*
*BEEP!**BEEP!*
*BEEP!**BEEP!**BEEP!**BEEP!**BEEP!**BEEP!*

"That'll be $6.74"

I stare at her for a second and hope that the absurd price sinks in. She's still staring at me, awaiting my money.

"Um...thats a pretty high price"

"Yeah," she says.
She's still staring at me.

*sigh*

"It's TOO high, i got a regular coffee, even if i bought 3 of them, it wouldn't come to $6.74"

She looks at the register as if the numbers will explain my plight. She just hits "CASH" and starts over.

*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*

"Woa stop!" i say. "You should only have to shoot 2 items, i get a coffee here every day."

"Well you got two shots of vanilla"

For christs sake i'm thinking, this girl doens't know that each .30 'shot' accounts for THREE squirts!

"$2.14"

I just want to get this over with.

I hand her the money and just went about my business.

Today was a pretty good day, what started out as a 'i'm tired, i dont' feel like doing anything' turned out to be a very excellent bike ride. Vivian is here from France with his girlfriend, and we decided we'd go fora ride today around 4. He's tapering for St Anthony's race, but he was a trooper today let me tell you. He arrived late for our ride appointment by about an hour, i was sitting on the couch, slowly falling asleep as my body started to hibernate. Once he arrived i didn't even want to go, but i didn't want to let him down so off we went. The plan: Go easy around the lake once, then hammer for an hour.

First off, Vivian is extremely comfortable on his bike, and has great handling skills. I asked him about it and he said he's been riding his bike since he was 15, and he went through all kinds of cycling drills as a kid, like having to pick up standing bottles while riding and weave through cones. When we were riding, and he'd pull up next to me we were almost touching elbows, and we were both perfectly comfy with that. Most of the triathletes i ride with are jittery, either they don't trust me or i don't trust them. Itw as nice to ride with a confident rider.

Also, he knew when to pull and when to let me pull. There is a stretch of road thats about 1/2 mile long and it inclines quite a bit - and there is ALWAYS a head wind coming down this part of the road. This stretch is my favorite because it really burns my legs as i try to keep over 19 mph up it. The first time around Viv was in front and he pulled the whole way up, then on the subsequent 3 loops i ended up in front because i didn't want him to burn out before the race. It was quite a challenge, and to top it off, while i was riding a red mustang pulled up beside me on the hill and yelled, "Cmon! C'mon! Show me what you've got!" so i obliged and accelerated to 28 mph before i burned out, right at the top of the hill. IT was cool, she screamed, pumped her arms like i had just won the TdF and drove off. I couldn't help but laugh. :And the best thing is, my legs recovered quickly and i didn't really feel the effects of the acceleration.

ANyway it was a great ride, we kept the pace up pretty good, and drafting after a long hard pull intot he wind was a nice relief. Makes me miss training with people, but it's rare i find someone i can actually train with who i'm confident won't kill me hehhe.

Yesterday i ran 3 miles (33 minutes) nice and easy, except for the last 1/4 mile. I tempo'd that part, but running on the track all by myself was nice. I was able to zone out pretty good and just crank out the laps.

After that i planned on a 3km swim in the pool, so i walked up and changed. As soon as i hit the water and did my 100m warm up i knew i wasn't going to make it 3k. My shoulders and upper back are still weak from the weekend, so i decided to just do my first set of 5x200 and call it a day. Something happened in the middle of the workout though that was profound.

I analyzed my stroke as i was swimming and realized my hips weren't rotating that well with my body. I kept trying to turn them but it was taking lots of strength in my shoulders to flick my hips into position.

"This can't be right, i'm using way too much energy to get myself in the hydro-dynamic 'skating' position"

Then i remembered what a good friend of mine who's a swimmer said to me a long time ago. "Turn your hips, and everything else falls into place."

So i started leading with my hips instead of my torso. What a difference. As soon as i rolled my hips, i didn't even have to use any effort, my whole torso just rolled with them. What a great feeling, suddenly i felt like i was using so much less energy but swimming the same speed. I kept this up for awhile and of course my lower back and abs began to tire from being used, so i called it a day at about 1200m to ease into the new technique.

This is really good, when i'm in the open water i'll just keep reminding myself, 'lead with the hips' and that should see me through the swim with little problem.

Now that i've had the time to reflect on this weekend, here's the full weekend report:

Friday 3pm
I left work to go pack my stuff and get ready go leave at 4. I used the race checklist from www.twothirds.com and managed to get everything i needed. I didn't forget anything. I got in the car at about 4:15 and headed south.

Before i left, i put some oil in my engine...and forgot to put the oil cap back on. Nice.

Half way to Sheldons i looked at my oil pressure and it was low...too low. Then it hit me, "Did i forget to put the oil cap back on??" I stopped on the side of the road to check. Yep, not only was it off, but it was gone, and oil was all over my whole engine. Very nice. I had some quarts of oil in my trunk so i put a quart in to get me to a rest stop.

The rest stop doesn't sell oil caps, but 30 miles to the next exit, and i'm told that there's an autozone shortly after the exit. Nothing left to do but go to the next exit, so after getting a coffee at Starbucks, i rode to the next exit and got off.

Autozone didn't have my cap, so they called Discount Autoparts which was a little bit further down the road and they had ONE.

I went and bought it, got back on the road and ended up at Sheldon's at 8 pm. When i got there i was greeted like i was the president of the US, and treated as such too. Let me tell you if Sheldon and his wife Lucy ever opened up a hotel, it'd be a 5 star hotel where celebreties would rave about. They were the greatest hosts ever!

I ate a bunch of rice and bread, and headed to bed. I've already written about the details of the swim and bike and run but there's some stuff i left out.

Sheldon got Sea Lice on the swim, and that's why our swim was cut short. He was swimming in shallower water and iw as deeper, so i was lucky not to get any. Later the next day he would be all swollen and red under both arms and on the back of his neck. Poor guy.

BUT there is some very good revalation for the swim. I'm confident now, and know to take it nice and easy till my HR (from anxiety) slows down, and then i can push it pretty good. It's all about finding that rhythm first and foremost, THEN i'll be ok to do what i need to do to get a good swim time.

The bike was flat and uneventful, i don't need much confidence there, though it was flat as usual and my hamstrings were very tight on the run. And i can't wait to get out of this aggressive aero position, it kills my neck. After the race i'm going to get professionally fit at the training center, something much more comfy for the ironman.

Oh yeah, and i almost forgot, on my way home i stopped at a rest stop to gas up and get something to eat. While i was eating some deuche hit my car and smashed in the whole rear driver quarter panel. No car next to me when i came back, no note, nothing. if it was a new car i'd have flipped out, but my old beater...still pisses me off a bit. It's not like parking is that hard, how do you ram into someones ass end like that?

Anyway i know where i wnat to be for the race, so i think i'll do well. I'm going to run every day this week as well as swim and bike. I havn't posted a new banner in a couple weeks but i'll post one tonight if i get the chance.

What a day. When i get more time i'll give details, but here's teh skinny:
Total Time 4:40

Swim .9 miles in the ocean. This was terrific. I started to get my anxiety but after about 5 minutes i was fine. I even sped up a bit. But it was tough...my first ocean swim and we swam with the shore. I was rocked like a cradle the whole time, and towards the end , being rocked left, watching the sand on the bottom go right: I started to get sea sick. Also i swallowed a bunch of seawater. BLECH! Overall i was comfy though, and had a great swim.

Bike 47 miles

Ran 7.5 miles

On the bike i started out fast, HR > 160. But i knew that would be a mistake and backed it off, keeping it at around 150 the rest of the ride. Met up with Mark and Juan on the way, got to talk to them a bit. The roads down here are nice and flat, and the view of the ocean is just breathtaking. All the blue's and greens....a great day.

On the run i started out at 166 HR and had a hard time dropping it to 150. But i slowed till i was at 150 and cruised slowly into a new world of pain. At first i was hurting, that first mile you know? But then i got comfy. Well i didn't bring enough hydration for the planned 8.5 mile run, and ran out after about an hour and fifteen minutes. That sucked because i got hungry and couldn't down a gel with no liquid. I was hating life and knew i had about 3 miles to go, but the sun came out (after it rained) and the humidity shot up, and with it my HR shot up too. I had to start taking walk breaks when my HR creeped passed 160. My hamstrings were also very tight...i was getting tired. Without hydration or gels my condition was deteriorating fast. Finally i gave in and called Sheldon on his cell (He'd already finished because he's a beast. He was already in his car looking for me and picked me up about 1.3 miles from the house. I downed a whole bottle of water and we later ate a huge chicken and potatoe dinner. MMmMMM good.

The facts:
How do i know i was depleting, and my performance rested on dehydration? I lost 9 pounds in 4 hours and 40 minutes. Yep, i was in sad shape. I gained 4 of it back already, but shit. You can't put yourself ona diet that loses 9 pounds in 5 hours! heheheh. I should sell triathlon as a weight loss 'product'

"Come with me on a tour of Boynton Beach, and if you survive, you'll lose 10 pounds, GUARANTEED!"

Anyway, it was a tough day, but i'm recovering well, my back was tight during the run, but i think if i have a good 45 minute swim, 19mph avg on the bike and 11 minute miles on the course, i can get what i want to get done at the Half in a few weeks. For the next couple weeks i'm going to run every day, some ez some tempo. And that ocean swim was what i needed for my swim confidence. I'm ready to go!

I think since the swim is a reverse triangle where you go out passed the breakers and then swim with the shore then back in, i'll have a better swim because most of it will be in slightly calmer water, where i can really do some pulling and focus on my form. when you're getting beat up by waves it's hard to focus on your form.

Just when i thought i'd go for a ride today, i went otu to get subway for lunch and when i got back my sinuses were moving mass amount of liquid through my head at such a pace that i had to shut myeyes and let them water for a minute before i could open them again. I swear 500 pounds of snot is moving around my skull right now. :( :( :(

I feel like total crap. What i thought was the flu a few days ago, has turned into a nice head cold. I'm hot, sweating, nose wont' stop running. Ugh. I'm going home soon to rest. So much for my swim/run today but i want to be rested up for the "mock" Half IM this weekend with Sheldon.

I got a big evaluation at the NTC today, and i'll post the results here:

Now it's a bit worse then i thought, but it's definitely giving me somewhere to go for november.


I'll get an evaluation done every 5 weeks to see how i'm doing from now on till the Ironman. I think with the ideal weight being 206, it's pretty much guaranteed i'll be clyde all the time, and if that's so, i'll actually compete in the clyde championships next year.

I'm having a hard time uploading the image, i'll do it when i get home a bit later

NTC:
Today i managed to get Barb from work into the pool with me. Today's not a swim day, but i'm itchin to train with people, getting kinda lonely. So we went to the NTC to do 3k. I saw Sheila Taormina there, (kick ass triathlete, olympic gold medalist) who i also saw at our GCT race. She's working there i think, i know she just bought a house, but anyway thats the boring stuff. WHats cool is the fact that she's super cool. Smiley, chatty, bright. She's just an inspiration, i always thought the top was cold and lonely, she changes that view.

Sheila: "You mind if i jump in here?"
: thinking to myself...uh....uhhhhhh.mmmmm: "Jump in!"

She jumps in, laps me a few times and moves on to an open lane. Who could blame her? heheh.

Anyway, i ended up with 1.8k in the pool and 3 miles running on the new track. Kept my pace slow, i'm still recovering from Sunday believe it or not.


And i had this big old moving dramatic writing i was going to put here about how 85% of society repulses me completely. When i see shows like "Married by America" and the new one "Mr. Personality" i just find that i have nothing in common with people who watch those shows. I have better things to do then drone on and make pretend...live vicariously through characters on TV and use my godlike powers to 'vote' them off a show. Ever notice that 90% of each one of those shows is not about advancing, but about LOSING? WHO"S VOTED OFF? WHO"S THE LOSER? WHO SUCKS? WHO GOES HOME?

Why is this girl so lonely? WHy do these dudes wear masks that make them look like the joker? it's a fuckin farce! Can you believe it? These guys have these multi colored masks and actually went through with the show! All i can think of is the movie "The Mask" but it's real! Thats what makes my dinner turn in my stomach and make me want to puke all over the creators of such shows. Lets make money humiliating people. "Oh," you say, "but they chose to be on the show in the first place!"

Yer right, they're fools too. Married by America?

Christ, i'm no fan of marriage, but it's supposed to be sacred and i just cringe at anyone who says they need to be married by 30, have kids by 30...etc...putting a time limit on such MONUMENTAL things as kids and marriage.

You know when i'm gonna get married? When i meet a girl i feel like spending the rest of my life with. I'm not buying an almond joy here, i'm making a gigantic commitement.

You know when i'm gonna have kids? When i feel ready for that. 5 years, 10 years, never? I tell you what, i'll have kids when i can go into a bike shop, prepare to buy some new zipp wheels for my bike, gget a call from the wife saying "Billy" needs some new sneakers and school clothes...and have NOT ONE DOUBT in my mind. SImply put the zipps back and use the money for my child. NO DOUBT. Thats when i'm ready for father hood. If eveyrone thought like me, the world would populate 1/4 as much as it does.

Anyway....shit. These shows piss me off. The only show worth glimpsing at is American Idol, and thats only because these young people are putting their hearts out in a competition. This married showbiz crap is just a steaming pile of dung waiting to be shoveled into a hole. Bachelorette, Joe Millionare....farce. Nothing was accomplished by airing those shows, except a bunch of relatively intelligent people made tons of cash from ratings.

I don't think the Matrix was that far off when one of the characters said, "Humans are like a virus. We consume everything in our grasp."

We consume land and sky
We consume natural resources
We consume each other

All in the name of entertainment. How pathetic.

Well i'm done ranting for tonight, it just makes me feel lonely that so much of the country i live in (which i love dearly) i have very little in common with (when it comes to entertainment)

I don't like lipstick
I hate makeup
I love girls in baseball caps

And under no circumstances will i have a priest or church anywhere near my wedding.

Print that on a ticket, put it out there for single women to see........and just wait around, because there aren't that many people in the eddy's, they're too caught up in the stream.

First Post "From the NTC"

Blogger introduced a neat tool a few months ago called AudioBlogger. I've been keenly interested in this but didn't really see how it would be fun, until now.

Here's how it works: I call my blog on the phone, i talk into my phone and it records 2 minutes. When i hang up the phone it turns it into an mp3 and posts it immediately on my blog so you can click on it. I think this will be really cool for teh Ironman, i'll be able to 'check' in with you all on my progress throughout the race. I definitely want to have it for the finish, hold it up and soak in 2 minutes worth of celebration. It'll definitely be unique. I'm in the free trial right now and will be doing my first call tonight.

How cool would that be? Not only could my readers follow my progress on Ironmanlive.com but they can refresh my blog and get audio of me on the course? i think it'll be more likely that i'd make the calls on the run instead of the bike but we'll see.

Well i wanted to know what a 10 mile run at 160 HR meant...and i found out today. It means W A L L.

For those of you who don't know what the wall is, the only way to describe it is muscular shut down, on all levels. I hit it once last year while on a group ride and had tos top, and i just hit it today, with 15 miles to go till home. It all started when i got about 20 miles out, and the water/bar/gel thing wasn't working and i vomited some of it up at 20 mph. I didn't feel bad, it just came up and i let it go. Got some on my shoulder. But anyway i think it had something to do with the tap water iw as using, instead of filtered water.

Then my shoulders/lats started to feel weak, with 15 miles to go straight home (i planned a few trips around the lake) i just hit the wall...and hard. My stomach felt like crap, my lats wouldn't support my weight on the aerobars, and i couldn't keep a constant cadence, my legs just turned to rubber. That was it, i was done...but i still had to continue on. I thought about calling Dave to come pick me up but i might as well bask in my misery, so i don't ever forget this:

Doing a long run at AT pace, is not what you do before a long ride at AT pace. I was going fast ont he bike, i can't help it. My avg was 18 mph on the way out, and faster on the way back before i hit the wall. I needed to keep it much slower then that, but it's hard for me on the bike to go slow. I need to concentrate on my pacing more. Both on the run and bike.

Now i'm sitting in front of my computer and i feel like passing out and sleeping for a day. My legs and shoudlers are totally trashed.

Lesson learned.

What're you doing still reading my blog? Go rent it! then email me what you think.

I'm considreing this another off week...i didn't really do much this past week, but starting today things are changing. I did a 10 mile long run today, which is about 2.5 miles longer then i've been...i knew i could do it. I averaged about 10:35 per mile which is fine with me. I didn't really have any problems until the end, the last 3 miles were tough because most of it is inclined and my hip started hurting. Also the top iw as wearing i'm apparently allergic to because my back and chest started to itch real bad. Really annoying when you've still got 35 minutes to go. I"m happy with it though, makes me think i'll do 11 minute miles at the tri, also, i went out a bit to hard and slowed down some at the end, when i really want to start slow and do negative splits at the end ideally.

One hting though, my avg HR was 160 for 1:50 minutes! I'm just comfortable at that heart rate, not sure if thats bad or not. I'm thinking for my long run it should be more like 145 HR. ANother thing, after long bikes and runs, the top of my lungs feel raw, and makes me cough. I can't take a deep breath without coughing for at least 2 hours. I'm wondering if it's a form of exercise induced asthma (had it as a kid, then went away) or if my lungs are just soft and need some toughening.

Only time will tell. Tomorrow i'm going to do 70 hilly miles on my bike. Looking forward to it! Also i suggest anyone who knows anything about artistic film making, go and rent Moulin Rouge immediately. I"m going to watch it again for the 5th time tonight with a friend. No i'm not gay. But this movie is an amazing piece of artwork.

Yesterday i ran a very nice 5 miles in 52 minutes. I'm no longer worried about my run. Now the only thing left is confidence in the swim, and Sheldon and i are probably going to do a mock 1/2 IM at his place so i can get some open water swimming in. The mock tri should help me overall, and i'll be ready for this panama race! The fort DeSoto tri fell through, but no big deal. Today was cold and rainy so i didn't do anything, but tomorrow i should run. Then satuday i'm going for 10 miles. and 65-70 on the bike sunday.

Also, i found out i don't have to pay for a membership at the NTC because i work for CFT! So on monday i get my free membership and don't have to pay anything, thats 60 bucks a month! Sweet! one less bill i have to worry about, and an extra 60 a month i can put on getting myself out of debt.

I've uploaded last weeks training. Pretty pathetic, but i ahve an excuse. IT was an off week so i'm not too worried about it. Interesting to note that i did 28 hours total in february, and 42 in march. Hoping to hit 60 or so this month...

Also, Fred said he can get me into a sprint tri this weekend that's sold out. I want to do it to do the open water swim, get some confidence for my Half. Right now my confidence is pretty low. That'll be fun to do...i have good vibes if i do tihs race this weekend.

1:15 interval ride this afternoon. Pretty beat up from it. I did a 15 minute warm up, then

2 minute interval
5 rest
2 minute interval
5 rest
3 minute interval
5 rest
4 minute interval
5 rest
15 minute tempo
5 cool down.

THen tomorrow its 5 miles and a 1 hour semi tempo ride.

Oh yeah, i'm also not finding time to coach myself and i want to be really prepared for IMFL so i'm going to get coaching from www.ironcoach.com (jay crooker) who was living iwth me for a month. He's a cool guy and i'll see about having him coach me through IMFL.

I'm already geting nervous for my Half IM. it's 5 weeks out and i'm thinking "Will i have my nutrition dialed in?" "Will i be prepared for this race aerobically?" "Will i be in good enough shape to enjoy this race and push the pace?" "Should i drop my time goal and just go to finish?"

I know i can finish the thing.

Maybe i'm thinking this way because last week i didn't do much. My mental confidence is lacking. I went for a short run (2.2 in 20 minutes) as a warm up to my interval ride later today. i hope after the interval ride my confidence comes back. Not feeling dreaded, just unsure. I want to post a good time, i feel that i can push the pace and do well for myself, i can envision it...just not sure if that vision is accurate.