Ok folks, it's time to get that coffee, break out them doughnuts and have a seat - my race report is here!

First of all let me thank all the people that need thanking.

I'd like to thank for various reasons:
Carl and Beth
Jessica
Dave McFarland at Trihomestay
Everyone who donated and bought posters to pave the financial way to this race.
My tri angel especially who donated over 500 dollars to my entrance to this race when i lost my job
I'd like to thank Giancarlo, Art, and Sheldon
Triathlete.com
Coolrunning.com and everyone who is associated with that wonderful resource
Every athlete i met from all over the world over this summer at the Trihomestay. What a wonderful and educating experience.

Most of all i'd like to thank the volunteers of the race. It's so encouraging to pass someone 4 times over the course of 7 hours and they're still there cheering you on.

I'd like to thank all the poeple who encouraged me throughout this tumultous year.

Big Daddy, Steve and Steven, Mark and the gang at syndicate3.com

I'd like to thank all the canadians and other foreign athletes that chatted, emailed and met me throughout this year like Vivien and Pam.
Anyone i missed, i'm sorry but you all know who you are and i thank all of you for everything! Without you all this could not have become a reality.


This race did not go as planned, but considering what i went through to try and train for this event, i'm excruciatingly happy with the result: I finished.

Starting in November of last year i decided i would do an Ironman with my best friend in the whole world: Carl. His wife is graduating with her MBA soon and they will be moving - Carl came up with the great idea of doing one final race together: Ironman Florida. I thought he was crazy, i didn't want to do an Ironman until 2004, but under the circumstances he may not be around in 2004 so we both began raising money for the charity slots available on the website. I signed up for the Panma City Half Ironman figuring it would be a benchmark on what was to come.

Over the last year i've changed jobs twice, my living quarters twice, and changed a girlfriend. The most success i had with work is recently as i am managing a restaruant, but the downfall of that is the 80 hour work weeks. The last 7 weeks before my Ironman i was unable to do any consistent or meaningful training as i was working 8 am to 10 or 11 pm 6 days a week. My lowest weight at the height of my training was 213 and i thought for sure i'd be down to 190 before race day, but as it would happen i would race at 224 as i gained weight working so much (and eating so little).

At my Half Ironman i did better then i would have expected with a 6:30 finish. I averaged 19.3 on the bike which was faster then i thought i'd do. So obviously the bike was my strength and i neglected it to focus on my swimming and running. By doing so i did increase my swimming pace and my running pace, but my biking pace dropped as they went up. More on this later.

In conclusion to this little intro i'd like to say that i am done with big endurance training until i get my life in better order. I'm going to do crit racing and othe rshorter triathlons, nothing over olympic i don't think.


One reason i was so excited about this race is that i was going to meet some long time friends online that i'd never met before. Giancarlo and Art were among them. I would also see Sheldon and BigD who i hadn't seen since May.

A few days before the race i was getting really excited. The plan was to meet Carl and Beth in Gainseville on the way up and carpool up to Panama City which was 4 hours away. I made a pact with my girlfriend Jessica that i would drive the way up if she drove my dead ass home after the race. The drive up was uneventful and a mildly cramping experience. Negative thoughts started to creep in about not being able to train, but i had firmly resigned myself to this, "If i do my best i will make it". I was resigned to just going out there and doing it, nothing fancy.

When we arrived i called Gian right away and we made plans to meet at the open wate rswim the next morning. I unpacked and went to bed.

On Thursday i got up early with Carl to head down to the water front for the swim. Carl forgot his wetsuit and i didn't feel like wearing mine so i just got into my skinsuit, we both put on sneakers and jogged the one and a half miles to the swim. I met Gian and Bruce and Dave from t.com, took off the sneakers and talked a bit. The water was wetsuit legal but i'd never swam that distance with my wetsuit and didn't want to risk chafing. While we were up on the beach there was a sponsor there with Aqua Seal masks. I put on my swedes and noticed that the AquaSphere Kaimans were the ones Gian was using. THe water was beautiful and we swam for about half an hour. When we got out i asked Gian if i could try his goggles out and they turned out to be super comfortable. With 2000 swimmers all around me i was really worried that i'd get kicked in the head and have the swedes hurt me bad. So i went home and thought about changing up my goggles....As i swam i started to feel a major burn on my neck and couldn't figure out what it was. Come to find out on the shore that my RoadID i had put on totally ripped my neck apart and i had a red sore spot on my neck the size of my fist. IT hurt bad and i was pissed something so stupid could happen to me like that. And so i decided i'd just bandage it up and suck it up.

Later that morning Carl and I checked in, and thats where i met Art. Art is like pushing 50 years old but looks more like 40 and sounds more like 30 on the phone. He's an incredible specimen of human, a great guy all around. Throughout the day i bought stuff like tubes and reflective tape, i ended up buying the Kaiman Goggle and Carl bought a wetsuit. Gian, Carl and I went for a bike ride of the run course, met up for the carbo dinner and called it a night.

On friday morning we got up for the morning swim again. It was getting cooler each day and the water was calm as a pool. This time i brought my wetsuit and so did Carl. I put a big bandaid on my neck and put my wetsuit over it. After a half hour of swimming it looked like i'd actually be able to wear it.

By friday night i was exhausted from walking the convention and running all the errands we had to run to prepare for the race. That night everyone got together at the chinese place across teh street from Gian's hotel and we had an all you can eat feast.

Saturday morning I woke up to Carl knocking on my door. "You awake?" I looked up at the alarm clock, i forgot to turn it on (or turned it off and went back to sleep and dont' remember) either way, i had to jump out of bed and scramble to get my stuff together. Luckily i had already put reflective stuff on my clothing Friday night, as well as putting a reflective "JED" on my long sleeve shirt that i put in my run special needs bag. (You'll see in the pics) This was something i heard was good for marathoners or other long endurance sports - put your name on you somewhere and everyone will cheer you on.

Everything got together and we headed out at 4:30 am.

Here's where mistake number one happened, and it would prove to be nearly my downfall. I made oatmeal in the microwave and it tasted horrible so i didn't eat it. I figured a power bar would be all i needed. I was about to embark on a 16-17 hour day and i thought a single powerbar was enough for breakfast? : SIGH :

We arrived at the race site and dropped off our special needs bags. We got body marked and headed into transition to pump tires and make final adjustments. Carl then realized he had forgotten to bring his bottles for his bike. He started to freak out a bit and went to find Beth and Jessica to get him back to the hotel to get the bottles. This would prove to be difficult considering neither of us had a cell phone and none of us made plans to meet anywhere before the race. It was freezing cold out side (like 65 or something) and i had just my tri suit, no sleeve wetsuit, arm warmers and goggles on. I walked around transition a little bit then decided to head to the water. As i walked through a pavilion i noticed Jessica and Beth hanging out. I told Beth that Carl was looking for her to bring him back to the hotel and she left immediately to find him. Jessica gave me her coat as i shivered away and generally started to get miserable...i hate being cold.


At this point i wasn't feeling nervous or anxious. I wasn't feeling anything. I made a few bathroom stops (luckily i found a not well known bathroom inside the hotel so i didn't have to wait). Carl finally got his bottles and met me down at the beach. It was cold enough outside so that the 73 degree water felt warm on my feet. I swam out a bit and generally stayed in the water so that i wouldn't freeze once i got out. I looked back at the beach and saw the mass of people and it was just amazing. 2000 athletes. It was just a sea of red caps. [i'll have pictures here of the swim start but i need to get them from carl first]

I was still a little worried about chaffing in my wetsuit but i had already commited to wearing it so it didn't matter. The red "out of the water now" flag went up and we all got out of the water and stood by the beach. I still was not anxious or nervous - i think it stems from the fact that i was just resigned to finishing with no real expectation other then that...and the fact that i'm a strong swimmer (strong is not equal to fast). We decided to start near the front and a bit to the right of the first bouey. Carl was getting nervous because he kept talking, he only talks when he's nervous. I just stayed silent. Then the cannon went off.

We both waded into the water at a walking pace and i started to swim, but after a few seconds realized that it was still too shallow and i wasn't making good progress so i waded in to my chest then went horizontal. At first it wasn't too bad, i found my pace very early on, but as i neared each bouey it got hectic and i got punched and scratched. I didn't have any blatant swimming over though. My expectation for the swim was 1:30. After the first lap i got out of the water and asked "What time anyoen has?" and someone called out "39 minutes". Not bad, better then i hoped. I went through the timing mat and headed back into the water after posing for a pic from my girlfriend. [this picture i will not show, it's the silliest picture that has ever been taken of me] By the way having a girlfriend wade out into the water to get a good pic oof her boyfriend, and waiting in the same spot (from the bike) for 3 hours to make sure she catches me is the most wonderful thing anyone has ever done for me. I recommend my girlfriend to anyone. hehehe.

Anyway the second loop of the swim was more difficult as i caught up to the people who went out too fast. More then once i found myself between two swimmers who crowded me. Another bad thing is the big boat they had for sighting moved and the diesel was very prevalent in the water. Yuck. As i rounded the first bouey i got a bit disoriented, for some reason i thought i was cutting the course so i stopped a few times to look at the boueys. I was on track but i just felt like it had been shorter. Oh well, i kept going and by the time i roudned the second bouey i was getting a bit tired, my arms felt weak. I just kept swimming to the shore that never came any closer and finally i could see sand. I got close enough to hear the announcer, and on one breath i heard "...ebert" and i immediately put my head up again to hear the rest of the announcer - "...sville". I put my head down and continued swimming....

"Who else has the last name of Hebert and lives in Gainseville??" i thought.
"Did Carl beat me??!!!"

I couldn't believe it, teh same guy who said he expected a 1:50 swim, and i KNOW i was swimming faster then that. I swam for the shore with everything i had and when i got out of the water i called out "TIME!" and someone said 1:37!" I ran up the timing chute happy with my time and saw Beth.

"Did Carl just get out of the water?!" i yelled with wide eyed terror.

"YES!" She yelled with glee.

Shit.

I jogged into the changing tent and got my shoes and helmet on. Mistake number two: I didn't eat at this point. I ate a single power bar at 5 am and just swam for an hour and forty minutes, it was now 8:45 in teh morning and i hadn't eaten anything yet since 5. I ran out the door and my bike was ready for me when i got near the transition exit. I hopped onto my bike and started riding into a medium wind. I figured i'd take it easy for the first half hour or so and then crank it up again.

What i didn't plan for is the fact that i was already in nutritien debt, and when i made the right onto 79 the wind howled and blasted me to a measly 13-14 mph for a long time. Combine that with being very fatigued and you have a recipe for DNF. My legs just wouldn't turn the pedals, i was getting down on myself, i was thinking i'd not make the cut off. I was eating my normal gel and bar every 15 minutes, but it wasn't enough, i had to catch up but i didn't know this yet. By the time i got to the bike special needs i was ready to quit. A few miles up the road was an aid station and i got off my bike. I was done. My quads were fried, i felt like crap, i was defeated. As i walked my bike to the closest volunteer to have them call an SAG wagon to take me to the transition area i battled myself in my head.

"This sucks, i didn' tget to train for 8 weeks before this, i can't do it"
"Hey, they don't call you an Ironman if you don't finish. And you don't finish unless you're an Ironman"
"How can i possibly make it for another 10 or so hours? I'm too fatigued"

I got to the volunteer and the guy said, "You ok?"

In that moment i thought, "You don't get called an ironman without suffering, you don't want to fail every person who has watched and encouraged you all year. You can't fail. Get to the run and you are set."

I grinned and said, "could i have a few bars?"

I stretched out a bit and ate. I found i was very hungry now that i was stopped. I ate 3 bars and some gel and downed it with two bottles of water. I still didn't feel full but i was feeling a bit better. Thats when it hit me that i was mal nourished this whole part of the race and suddenly i felt stupid for wanting to quit. I got back on my bike and started to go. I told myself i would keep a 17 avg for the rest of teh way back. My average up to that point was 14 something. My legs still weren't totally recovered but i was able to get going and hold a 17-18 pace most of the rest of the way back. I pissed 6 times while riding because i knew i had to make up time and i would only have minutes to spare at the end of the night. At mile 100 is the bridge and i barely crested it at about 8 mph. On the way down though i flew. Don't get me wrong though, i was still suffering badly and my taint was screaming, but i was going to make it to the transition, and iw as going to finish this race.

I made it to transition in 7 hours 23 minutes and 44 seconds. Those last few miles were tough. I got off my bike and headed into the changing rooms. There were only a few people there so i sat down next to a guy and immediately was overwhelmed with the stench of piss coming off my shoes. Holy amonia batman. I quickly took them and my socks off and put them in my bag and closed it tight. I got my run stuff, my fresh socks and started to realize that i had gotten some chaffing action in my under arm and my neck. The guy next to me had a big thing of vaseline and i asked if i could use some. He said use as much as i wanted and put it in his bag when i was done. I lubed all up and headed into the run. I took my sweet time too, 12 minutes.

As i walked out of transition there was Jessica ready to take a picture of me. She's the greatest.

I told Jessica i was just going to walk the marathon and i'd be back in 7 hours and 45 minutes. She said, "No you're not...really?" i said, "Hell yea!"

The spirit inside me told me otherwise though because 10 feet later i was jogging. My plan: Jog to eachaid station and walk through the station. By this time my legs were feeling fine but i had forgotten my watch on my bike so i didn't know my HR or my mile pace. Probably better off this way anyway. I had taken a camera with me and had the intention of taking a picture of each mile as i went. I got to mile 18 and then was too tired to stop and get a picture. After i describe the run the series of pics will show.

I felt great and jog/walked the first 9 miles with no problem. My foot had a slight tweak in it but other then that i was feeling good. It was dark, i was drinking coke and eating pretzels pretty much teh whole way. I'd get the occaisional cup of water at every other aid station. The volunteers were awesome. As i was running i saw Gian coming home while i was on mile 3 of the run out. I saw Carl on his way into lap 2 at about mile 4 of my run. By the time i got to the park it was dark and in the park there weren't any street lights. It was nice. my body wasn't all that tired yet but the pavement was very rough and my feet were starting to blister even though i had dry socks on. I knew this was going to be a problem later but i put it out of my mind. When i got out or the black hole (park) the first time i was still feeling good but not good enough to come up with a good excuse to walk the rest of the way. I met up with a guy named Brian who was run walking too and we decided we'd finish together. We ran walked all the way to the 13.1 mile mark where we got our special needs stuff.


I saw Jessica and Beth and I think Carl had already finished by that time but they didn't tell me that. I got a new pair of socks and just put them over the ones i already had to try and pad my feet. My foot blisters were growing with each step and it was becoming quite painful. My resilient girlfriend took the watch off my bike and put it in my special needs bag before i got to it, so now i had a watch and i could figure out the pace i needed to finish. Brian and I decided to walk the last half marathon and he held a quick pace. A pace i had a hard time keeping up, so much in fact that i'd lag behind and have to jog up to him. If i hadn't been walking with him i'm sure i'd not have made it because for 5 miles he pushed me...at mile 5 i told him to go on, i'd make it. We were well within needing 20 minute miles to finish but the phrase "Pain is temporary, Ironman is forever" rang in my head.

I started jogging.

I jogged for about 10 minutes before i caught up with Brian still walking at a brisk pace. "Well would you look at that, well done man!" he said.

I had to put the pain in my feet out of my mind, and at this time i stopped taking pictures. My legs were pretty much firing on their own and at mile 6 i knew i would make it and i told Brian to go for one final time. We wished each other success and he went off. I walked alone for about 1 mile before i came up to a very nice lady named Shelly. She was very happy to see me because she was lonely walking by herself. We walked through the black hole together and i started drinking chicken soup because i was getting cold. Ahhh chicken broth never tasted so good. I walked with Shelly until about 3 miles to go when she pulled away from me. The pain in my feet was unbearable and i was getting tired...mentally exhausted. As i neared familiar area and the 25 mile marker went by i knew i was going to make it for sure. I walked out onto the street and people around me started jogging it in. I couldn't bring myself to jog until i was closer to the line, every footstep was pain. I actually felt the blister start from the ball of my foot and make progress with each step across my foot and into the bottoms of my toes. When i looked at it later it was the biggest blister i'd ever seen. and it was so deep in the skin that i couldn't lance it.

When i started to see the crowds i couldn't help but smile. Funny thing is i was so tired that a minute before i thought "I'm not sure i have the energy to smile"

Oh yeah, in my special needs bag i got my long sleeve shirt that had "JED" in reflective tape on the chest. As i got to the crowds everyone started yelling "JED you are an IRONMAN!" I started to beam.

When i got to the carpet the crowd was very loud and i could see the clock.

I started to jog.

The crowd went nuts. So loud in fact that i couldn't even hear the announcer say my name. I told myself i'd savor the moment when i got to the finishing chute...and i did. I went up the right side and slap hands all the way up - turned around and slapped the hands of all the people on the left side. As i started to jog to the line i saw Carl sticking his torso out and i ran right up to him and gave him a huge hug...the first hug i've ever given the guy in the 10 years we've known each other - it just seemed appropriate.

I looked for Jessica but didn't see her until i had started jogging to the line and i put my hand out and touched hers. I crossed the finishline in 16 hours 19 minutes and 45 seconds. I was on the run course for 7 hours 6 minutes and 27 seconds.




After getting my finishing pic i limped over to the massage tent and got special treatment. Benefits of coming in late - there were a few masseuses not doing anything and i got a full body massage by two women for like a half hour. I didn't get back to the line in time to see the final finisher, but my awesome girlfriend had already gotten my bike and bags (and complained about the piss smell) and i hobbled over to the car. I was feeling great besides my feet but as this picture illustrates, i was exhausted.


When we got to the hotel....
I wrapped up like a mummy and promptly fell asleep.

It was an amazing day and thats all i can write right now, but i will write more tomorrow.

I had to work Monday and Tuesday 8 am to 8 pm and now i get two days off, and my feet thank me. The left blister got better right away as i was able to drain it, but the right one has plagued me since saturday but today it looks better and hopefully tomorrow it will be all healed.

THank you again everyone who helped me achieve this monumentus goal. It feels amazing.

I've been having problems with the server so i havn't posted my post race comments but:

16:19:37!

I did it....Jed Sweetser YOU ARE AN IRONMAN!

I will post a full length report sometime tomorrow, I've had to work yesterday and today at my restaraunt so i've been a hurtin puppy. I have wed and thurs off and i have tons of pictures and tons of details so it will be lengthy!

Something to look forward to is the blood blister that takes up half of my foot, and me getting off my bike at mile 60 and walking it towards a volunteer with every intention of DNF'ing. It was a very hard day for me, but i pulled through it and finished.

I got to meet Art and Giancarlo and some other people and it was a great overall weekend. Time to get my tattoo!

My toes aren't doing too bad, the skin has finally hardened somewhat so it's not so painful to wear a shoe. I think it'll be fine by the Ironman.

I plan to get a disposable camera, and have someone take a picture of me and a few of the volunteers at every mile marker on the run and entitle the final product "The progression of an Ironman athlete". I think it'll be cool to see how i look from beginning of marathon to end.

I'm really psyched about doing this, and whether I'm ready or not, i've done what i could, and will get the result that it brings.

You all can watch for me at www.ironmanlive.com where live results will be updated throughout the day. Once i find out my number that is, but if i don't get a chance to post my number, you all know my name is Jed Sweetser and you can look it up by that. A trick to it is to get to the results page, go to EDIT>FIND ON THIS PAGE and type in my last name, it will auto scroll and highlight the first entry for my name.

I'm going to try and get in a ride and a few more runs in, and also a 4-5000 meter constant swim before the event. Hopefully next thursday (my day off) i'll be able to get the swim in. one thing that sucks is that it's short course season, so it's 25m per length. Ugh, talk about having to stop and turn around a bunch of times.

I just can't win.

Today while helping an employee clean out our fryer, the oil shot out of it (hot) and onto my right foot. I couldn't get my shoe and sock off fast enough before my toes and top of my foot got burned. My toes are nice and pink with some skin peeling off. ALl i can think about is how much it's going to suck to run.

Furthermore it's going to be longer before i can get internet access because i have to get DSL and it cost more to install then cable. Our cable company doesn't have cable modem access.


SOOOOOO.

suck.

Not sure why i'm all of a sudden inspired to write about endurance, but here it goes.

When i look at the people around me
the people i work with
the people that pass me by on the street
the people that drive past me on the road
the families
the loners
people of all types

I can't help but think: "Do they know what their limits are?"
And better yet, "Have they pushed those limits, and gained strength of mind, power, and body?"

Exercise should be a sect of religious proportions.

Take a lost boy who's overweight, irresponsible, immature, and conniving -
add 3 years of development
and 3 years of exercise...pushing the limits
and you come out with a responsible, level headed, mature, goal oriented, undaunted individual.

WHen my boss says, "Are you ready for the next step? The next set of responsibilities?"

all i can think of is, "Dude, i did a half ironman in 110 degree heat. I've suffered dehydration that was almost dibilitating. I've trained on a consistent basis for 3 years, all the while exploring, finding, and smashing every limit i've ever concieved of."

and all i can do is look him straight in the eye, and say, "Hit me".

He looks me back, searching for a sign of backing down, a hint that i'm joking, and when he doesn't find it there, he grins and gives it to me, without a second thought. Howelse do you go from lead to general manager in 3 months? Today he told me i'll make director some day.

When my girlfriend rides up to my work and she's a little out of breath and a bit tired (3 miles), all i can think of is, "Man i wish i was back there again, barely able to do 1/2 hour of exercise with so much potential to go."

Back then the gains came quick. The suffering was the same...but the gains came in big chunks. Now that i'm nearing my Ironman, all i can think about is that first day when Carl and I went to the Orange Trail, ran less then 2 miles and was destroyed for the effort. Or the time we did our first 5 miler. Or the time we did our first 10 miles. My first 5k, my first sprint triathlon.....I was so excited, i was breaking through barriers i never thought i'd ever break through. I was finding happiness that i never thought existed in my life. Finally i was finding DIRECTION in my life...and finally i could be overweight, but confident because i could look at someone half my weight and say, "Wanna run 10 miles?" and watch them squirm.

There's nothing quite like it. Athleticism has brought me wonderful friends. has brought me amazing experiences, has pushed me to the brink of quitting, to the maximum point of pain, only to push those thresholds back and max them out again.

Now that i'm approaching my Ironman, i believe i am approaching the end of my triathlon chapter in my life. It's the longest chapter yet. I've never stuck with anything longer then this, i've never reached the heights i've reached here today. And as i close this chapter in 3 weeks, i will open a new one with crit racing. I say now that i just want to do it recreationally, but i know myself better then that, within 3 -5 years i'm sure i'll be CAT2. Probably sooner.

The greatest thing a person ever said to me was, "You're least likely to succeed out of all your peers" which was said to me my senior year of highschool. I'm accomplishing somthing. I"m making something of myself. And when i go to my highschool reunion in 3 years, i'll take a big shit on the floor in the middle of the auditorium and say, "I just thought i'd return the favor"

Athletics saved me. Athletics kept me on track. Athletics gave me comfort. I will always have something in my life that is physical. After crit racing i want to do adventure racing. After that who knows?

Now don't get me wrong, i will always do a triathlon or two, most likely olympic distance since my crit racing will erase a lot of the long endurance stuff and instill more speed.

All i have to say is this: If you have or just are reading my journal, and you havn't gotten involved in sports yet, do it NOW. All other problems just seem to solve themselves so much easier when you start feeling like you are accomplishing something every day. When you start accomplishing something that the everyday joe can't do.

When I complete my ironman i will get my IM tattoo, along with .25% just below it. .25% represents the worlds population that can complete an Ironman in under 17 hours.

When i finished my half ironman i got a supreme confidence in my swimming. Any body of water i look at now i feel like i could swim across it. i KNOW i could swim across it.

When i cross that finishline for the Ironman who knows what kind of confidence it will instill in me. But i hope my head doesn't get any bigger then this, because i might not be able to fit in my car!

No exaggeration: 86 hours last week. I simply can't train under these conditions, so i've resigned myself to just doing my best on race day and hope that i havn't lost too much in the past couple weeks. I have 3 weeks till the Ironman, and 17 hours to complete it. I have a tattoo to get, and i'm GOING to get it. If i have to drag myself acrtoss the line on my hands and face, i'll do it.

On the other hand, i moved in with Jes and they can't get a cable modem with the current cable company so i gotta call Bell South and see what they have to offer. Frig heads.

I havn't gained or lost any weight over the past few weeks so i guess i'm ok there (212) i think if i had stayed focused and not gotten a kill me job, i'd have raced under 200, which would have put me under 200 pounds for the first time since i can remember...even before highschool. I'll get there though, and i can't wait till the IRonman is over, i'll get my tattoo and start crit racing. I think i already mentioned that i met a guy who crit raced professionally for awhile and he's going to help me get things goin.

Till i can get online again: Train hard, train harder, then race the hardest.

Have i been training lately? nope. I did a couple runs but nothing consistent. Am i going to suffer like a mofo at the ironman? Absolutely. I WILL finish it though! Now that i'm practically the GM of my store, i've had to put in 70+ hours a week at work (76 this past week thursday to tuesday) and today on my off day i'm moving some of my stuf into Jes's house. It makes a whole lot of sense and we just can't stop getting along heheh.

I'm basically going to just do run training whenever i can for the rest of the month. Thats the only place i'm really worried about at this point. 26.2 miles is a long ass way. The real suck of it all is even if i wasn't with Jes, i'd not be able to get the training i need. I work 12 to 11 every day except wednesday. Just too many hours. I can't wait to get this IM over with so i can crit train and not worry about swimming or running for awhile. After i move my computer into Jes's place i'll be updating more often, i promise.

j

It's certainly been a little while since i logged anything on here. I havn't really been home though since i met Jes, we're doing awesome, totally into each other. She's so great, we meld really well. I havn't been training a whole lot, although i did do a 4.5 hour ride yesterday. It was supposed to be 5 hours, but my eating habbits havn't been all that consistent and i bonked promptly at 4 hours. I limped home with Carl in tow. I still have a lot of confidence about this race, i may not finish as fast as i wanted to, but i WILL finish it, no doubt about that. the swim and bike are nothing to me, the run still worries me, but i'm going to do a 15 mile run soon and see how it feels. Then 17, 18. and 20 two weeks before the event.

Things with Jes are going really well. We have a very honest and open way of talking to each other and it's helped resolve some issues before they became issues The only downside to seeing her right now is my training is suffering and i'm not getting much sleep...or eating on a regular basis. But today i plan on running after work, then going over her house. I know that if we don't have a full blown relationship, Jes and i will definitely be awesome friends

Anyway, Jeff is back - his father passed away last saturday. He's going to collect his stuff and drive the U-Haul back to maine. He's only back for three days, which sucks because i was hoping he'd stay longer so we could go to a park, or a spring and just chill for a whole day. THose plans would have been ruined though because Randy got fired last night after flipping his lid and talking back to our Director of Operations. THe DO called me and said that he's going to move me up, and soon.

Thats good financially, but it's not how i wanted it to happen, i didn't want to take my friends job. It's a moral thing i'm going to be struggling with, and also if they make me GM i'll be skipping two levels of management, so it'll definitely add more pressure and paperwork and more hours then i'm already giving. That means less time for my ironman training. I guess we'll have to see what happens.

After work last night, Jes called me and we met at the restaraunt to go out. She took me downtown to Chillers. It's been 4 years since i've been downtown and at first it brought back bad memories, but as the night rolled on and with the help of Jes and her friends being very nice and friendly, it turned out to be pretty ok. My lower back hurts from dancing, but i'll get over it. I jumped on the scale this morning, and i'm 210. I've dropped 25 pounds in a month without a ton of training. Just goes to show that i was not eating properly before.

Anyway i had a fantastic time with Jes and i'm so glad i've found someone that is funny, outgoing, sarcastic...she challenges me and thats always what i've looked for. Someone to not just nod their head at me all the time, but to contribute to my life in some way. Jes will definitely do that. She even brought me over to 'Puffer Bird's' house. Puffer bird is an elderly lady that she watches occaisionally on the weekend, and Pufferbird had to approve of me before we could take things further (half joking). When we arrived from the club Puffer and I hit it off very well, and she invited me back...which is something she hasn't done to any of Jes's boyfriends. Puffer is the nicest old lady i've ever met, and her dog is very affectionate too, without being over bearing heheh. We had some good laughs, and then when the conversation turned serious i apparently answered her questions satisfactorily. So i'm thinking this is going to go somewhere. All i gotta do now is make sure i still train.

Jes has not had a very good track record with boys...always picking the wrong ones and she has let down a few of her defenses, but hte biggest and strongest ones will take some time to lower. I'm just going to be myself, let her know that i care about her not by telling her (well i will on occaision) but by proving it over time. Just let things roll.

ok so, i got called into work yesterday...suck. But i met "Jes" which rocks (we talked for 4 hours on the phone last night). But my bosses car got stolen. Suck. what a dramatic day.

oh yeah, and as i thought, my boss and i kissed and made up. we're stronger now for it.

I have a new Article up on triathlete.com. Check it out and let me know how you feel on my little forum (Leave a message at the beep)

the hardest decision i ever made was the decision to become me. no that doesn't make me super duper or anything. It just makes me non-tolerant of most of societies bullshit. Today my boss was scheduled to work and instead he decided to go to a barbecue. When i arrived to work the place was in shambles, i had a line out the door, and i was running out of stuff. The district manager happened to call me and i told him what i was up against. He called my manager and told him to go in like he was supposed to. WTF. So you guessed it, my manager comes in and gives me a rash of shit saying he ne ver gets a dya off...blah blah blah. What an asshole. If he was scheduled off, i could understand, but he was SCHEDULED TO WORK.

After the bullshit he pulled tonight, i called the district manager myself personally and asked him if i was able to relocate if things didn't smooth over tomorrow. He said no problem. THat gives me leverage. and i'm going to use that leverage to make sure my manager apologizes...or loses his best employee. Don't play games with me bitch, if you think life is hard now...i'll xfer to another store, and i'll take three employees with me.

I finally got off my ass, didn't drink, or eat pizza, and ran. Did a quick 4 miles before work and boy do i feel awesome. I had a few bad days this week, but i'm back now. Tomorrow i'm going for a ride and hit the pool. I got scheduled for my monday which is my long run day, i think i'll try and go to bed right away tomorrow night and get up at 8, run for 2.5 hours then go to work. ick.

On a good note, i have wednesday AND thursday off, so i can do my long ride and recover thursday instead of working.

tonight i ran about 12 miles (2:15). Running in the dark is scary and exhilerating. One thing that sucks about the run route i have, is all the hills are at the end, so after i've been running for two hours, i got fifteen minutes of rollers, and boy do they hurt. But it's done, and i'll do it again next week, hopefully the hills will make the flat IM course seem easier.

I have to say that i'm pretty happy with my weight loss and my performance overall. I havn't been in the pool in awhile but i'm not too worried about it right now. Gotta take some benedryl and go to bed right when i get home tonight, i got a long run in the morning. Work has been super stressful, but it's about to get better as the day manager who is totally jealous of me, will be moving to another store, giving me free reign over my shift. No more butting heads.

Today i learned a valuable lesson: Don't go riding without a spare tube. I was having a really good ride, feeling great, when all of a sudden:

psst.

Psst.

Psst.

I thought my chain was rubbing my deraillur, but then my back tire started to wobble and i knew i had a flat. I was about 1 mile from the house, so i walked it, in my bare feet. Not fun.

ANyway i'd like to make a plug for the Carb-One pump. I dont' care that it weighs negative 4 pounds. I don't care that it's small and compact. What i carea bout is the ease of use and the quickness in which i was able to inflate my tire (only to have it deflate a few seconds later). I used a couple other pumps and their unweildy and generally a pain in the ass to use. This one seemed like it was assisted, because i pumped the tire up rock hard with little effort.

oh yea, and "E" and i never went out. Turns out she wasn't interested. wtf.

Oh yeah, another note: I'm pretty positive i'll LOOK like how i want to look when November comes around. The weight is still dropping finally and i'm starting to really like the way i'm looking. :)

2 hour run today. I was pretty tired at the end, my legs were sorta draggin, but my aerobicness (my term for breathing and HR) was excellent. Kept my HR below 140 for most of it. I think i'll do my long ride on Friday, then do anotehr long run on my planned Monday.

Let me introduce Jeff. I met Jeff when i was 15 at the Card Cage (where i met Carl too) back in highschool. shit...i don't really feel like going t hrough the details, but let me put it to you this way. If you're reading this, think of any one person thats been in your life for longer then 5 years, and you feel like they're a rock in your life. A standard. The person you know you can always go to no matter what the occaision and you know that person will be honest with you and try and help you. That's Jeff.

Jeff's father is dying. I didn't think i'd be affected as much by it, but i am. I just got off the phone with Jeff and i just couldn't help but remember every time i was over his house, his father was always had something funny to say. But his humor wasn't like most peoples. See, Conrad was the hardest old fashioned worker you've ever met. And in being so, his opinion was...straight forward and just - funny.

Conrad had some leisions on his brain that needed to be surgically removed, and from there other cancerous problems developed. He's going to die, and the saddest thing about it is - the same things Jeff tells me about his dad, my friend Kelly told me about her dad just before he died this year. I can't go into details, it's too hard. But know that i'm hurt by this event. And i'm glad i'm hurt, because i'm glad i can feel pain and sympathy in a life where i really feel like i can be more like a robot when it comes to feelings - turning them on and off at will.

I'm going to call my mom and see what she thinks.

As for today:

Lunch with Dan at World Gym
Dinner with "E"

heheh, check this site out. Look familiar?

I'm flattered Oleg.

I suppose it's been awhile since i wrote here...but i've been busy - so busy. If i'm not workikng or training or sleeping...i'm trying to find more time to do those three things.

I did a spritn race on Sunday and it turned out pretty horrible. My first DNF! My swim was amazing..till i almost drowned from inhaling so much water. I was on pace for about 7:20 for 1/4 mile but ended up with 8:07 for having to stop and get water out of my lungs. The bike was terrible....and i DNF'd on the run because i was feeling crappy and my toe opened up and started to hurt real bad. Oh well, i wasn't really plannign on racing anyway. My speed has suffered a bit, but my endurance is way up, so you can't have both i guess.

I need to do a long run today, but i've got to meet Dan at noon for lunch, and meet "E" for a date at 6. Wherever will i fit it all in?

Good news is i'm still losing weight.

Bad news is, my buddy Jeff's dad has two weeks to live. My buddy and old training partner Carl's grandmother died.

Good news is Jedd A. has offered to enter me into the Olympic at Disney which is a race i wanted to do as a step to the ironman. Thanks Jedd! yes, his name is Jedd for real.

Maybe he'll sponsor me and get me a bunch of new clothes with Team Jed(d) on em!

4 hours in the saddle today...felt pretty good. Half way through i hit a rough patch, but i finished strong. Then i went to eat at Crispers, then had an icecream. At the icecream parlor i pulled open the door and the metal corner hit my big toe...and tore a gash in it. oh my did it hurt. The first thing i thought when it happened, right after the white flash was, "Oh damn..no pool or running! What am i going to do about IMFL?!!!"

After examining the wound and pujtting some neosporin on it, i'm confident that most of the wound is superficial (down by the nail its quite a bit deeper) but it will heal and i'll be running and swimming in 2 days tops. So is life. damn my toe hurts

tonights close was good at work, i took some benedryl to get myself some sleep...and tomorrow mornign when carl arrives we'll hit the road for 4-4.5 hours. Then i gotta go into work, do the schedule, get my check, then probably see a flick and relax the resto f the dya. I also have to get into chillies to see "E". Shes interestred in me, but we keep missing each other when we go to visit. Hopefully i'll catch her this time. I also have to go to Outback this friday to see "J".

Remember my M.O. - get 3-4 girls interested and have all of them stop calling within 14 days. I have no reason to believe this will be different, but shit...i gotta try! Randy, my boss says that i need to be more aggressive and fuck everyone else and what they say. So thats what i'm going to do, back to doing what jed thinks he should be doing (with some coaching from the boss!) heheh.

I'm happy to report that i'm able to walk today! I really thought i over did it with the hills last night (this morning)and that i'd be suffering because of it, but i can feel my calves...but they're not wrecked like i thought they'd be. Thats good news.

I got to talk to the Director of Operations last night for our area Moe's. Really nice guys, and they clued me in on a few ways that i can prove to them that i can handle my own store. Nothing like getting it direct from the source!

so it's 2 am tuesday morning, and true to my word, i walked out hte door for my long run. Since it's dark, and i know a few houses have unleashed dogs, i decided to take a different route and just run an hour out, then back. I guess it doesn't matter where i go, there's always going to be dogs. *sigh*. plus running around in unfamiliar area in the dark was unpleasant. But other than that, when i wasn't being barked at, and in areas i knew, it was very nice. The weather was perfect, and i just ran in the middle of the road, the road was mine for a few hours.

My calves are totally blasted from the rolling hills, ande my feet hurt a bit which i'm going to blame on working on my feet for 8 hours a day now. Overall i did 1:38 and i was really hurting on the way back. I turned around not only because of that, but because the street stopped having street lamps...not my idea of fun.

Tomorrow i'll do something really easy to keep my legs from locking up, then i'll do my long ride with carl on wed.

did a 1:20 bike ride sunday, and didn't get monday off like i asked, but i'm still going to do my long run in the morning. I picked up a sleeping aid for the nights before my long run and bike so i can get adequate sleep.

Work was pretty stressful for awhile today, then became an ok night.

Yesterday i swam 1500 in 30 minutes. it was a comfortable swim, with the main set being sets of 500's. I'm pretty confident in the swim. Today i had planned to do a longish ride with soem friends out at the training center, but i didn't get home until 3 am last night so that was a definite no go.

Furthermore, yesterday i bonked hard at work. I couldn't figure it out...i wasn't really hungry, i had eaten already but my head ached real bad, and i got in a terrible mood. i couldn't get the headache to go away, and i was feeling really weak. I figured it was dehydration at that point..i hadn't really pissed all night, so i started drinking lots of water and it seemed to help, but my night was already ruined. I slept till 1 pm today, and feel rested adn ready to roll. I'm going to run tonight after work.

Tuesday i drove up to gainseville to see carl and to do our long ride. This was goign to be the longest ride of my season so far, and on a bike i've only ridden about 2 hours at one time on.

Overall i was pretty comfy on the bike, 3:45 was our time, my mid back is a little sore and my butt is talkin a bit, but other then that i'm pretty happy with the results. It didn't seem that hot but i kept running out of water :( had to stop to get more.

Today i did a relatively short 3 miles.

Off to work!

Got home tonight and went for my long run, which ended up being pretty short. While running in the pitch dark (which is pretty cool) a dog ran from a house but stopped short and just groweled and stuff. It freaked me out a bit, got a surge of adrenaline but otherwise no big deal. On the way back, i thought i had passed the house, so i was extra startled when i heard it tearing towards me and i instinctively yelled at the top of my lungs, in the deepest most powerful voice my adrenaline filled body could produce, GO HOME! and pointed towards the house.

To my satisfaction the dog immediately turned around and ran back to the house. I continued on my run.

Tomorrow is a bike/swim then i drive to Gainseville to visit with carl that night. Then wednesday i go on my 80 mile ride with him. I just hope i can sleep before the ride.

back to a full week of training! My off week was nice.

what a totally uneccisarilly stressful day tonight at work. Short handed, runnin out of shit....it was a disaster. Not only that but one of hte guys that my GM hired for me i probably will have to let go because he sucks. Anyway i gotta do my long run later today and i'm not really looking forward to it. Suppose some coffee would change that. If i hadn't had a few Coronas tonight i suppose i could do my long run after work, then sleep in...yea thats the ticket! Do it at 1 am when it's SUPER COOL out, and just sleep in on my day off. MMMMMM that sounds good. i'll hvae to do that next week, as for this week i'll have tus uffer in the heat.

heheheh. i got the "Bally fitness tip of the day" in my email box today. I usually delete them, but it was titled "Keeping your bike in shape" so i clicked on it. Here's what it said.


Today's Fitness Tip of the Day.
Brought to you by Bally Total Fitness.


Do you cycle to stay fit? If so, you’ll want to make sure your
bike stays fit, too. Follow this basic schedule.

EVERY MONTH
- Check chain, brake levers and gear shifters and lubricate if
needed.
- Check spokes, nuts, bolts for tightness.

EVERY 6 MONTHS (heavy riding)
These tasks require a little more experience. If you’re not sure
how to handle these, use a bike shop. Another option: Take a
bike-maintenance class at a local bike shop or community college.
- Check brake pads to see if they need to be replaced.
- Check gear shifters to see if they need adjustment



LOL! How lame. Check brake pads is an experienced job? heheh i just love how broad their email tips are.

Anyway, it's 95 degrees today, i woke up a little late, so i went for my hour bike ride at noontime. Yea, hot. I made a big mistake too, and only brought gatorade with me...by the end of the ride i was sick to my stomach and no amount of gatorade was quenching my thirst. Then i remembered what i always tell people: Gatorade alone will cause your stomach to stop absorbing when there's too much carb and not enough fluid to bring it through the stomach lining. So i need to heed my own advice. Luckily i was pretty close to home when it happened.

One good thing about working nights: I'm losing weight like a ton of bricks because i'm not eating late at night anymore. And as far as work is concerend, things are going awesome. I had a few drinks with my manager yesterday and he told me his goal is to train me to have my own store. There's a future here. And so far we're busting our asses, but managing to have fun.

I'm taking it easy this week training becasue next week is the first week of the re-arranged schedule...AND i havn't really had an easy week in quite a while. Today's ride was sorta hard but mainly because i was dehydrated. Felt good to be back out there after a day off though.

My job so far is really great! I'd go into detail but there's too much good right now.

I took today off after the bonking i did yesterday. Tomorrow is a tempo run and i can't wait! I'm fired up again! i think a job really helps structure my life which helps with training.

Did 1:55 on the bike today instead of hte planned 4 hours. It is very hot today, plus my glutes are still very weak from my hilly long run. I kept a very slow 15 mph pace, was plenty hydrated and i cramped up at about mile 20. Oh well...better luck next time. I'm also pretty burnt. I put sun block on but apparently it rubbed off my shoulders because they blistered a bit.

Congratulations Lance! Wish i could have seen the final stage, but alas, i was working.

Oh yea, i plan on posting said schedule soon along MAYBE with stats for each week.

I've posted a spreadsheet of my results since my athletic endeavor began. It's in the sidebar to the right. My plans for this section will be to make a whole new page, with pics and race reports. This will take some time though seeing how i'm working, training and sleeping right now. But you asked for it, so i put it up! I didn't go on the ride today, my glutes are screaming at me and 5 hours of sleep is just not enough for a long ride. So, instead i'm going to take it easy today, do maybe an hour on the bike real easy, 1/2 hour in the pool, then tomorrow i'll do my long ride. I've made it so i get Mondays and Wednesdays off permanantly, so i'll do my long runs on Monday and my long rides on wednesday (with Carl if i go up to gainseville!).

So i gotta rework my schedule a bit, but i think he's right: Doing a long run and ride back to back is not a good idea, having a semi-rest day in between (tuesday) will be more beneficial!

An exhausting day at work, after my tiring run this morning, but nonetheless, every dya at work confirms i made the right decision. I have total power to turn that place upside down if i need to in order to make it an efficient machine.

I gotta get to bed, i'm going to try with all my heart to get to the 8 am ride tomorrow iwth my super bike! I don't have any bars or gels though, and 3 hours is an aweful long time with just gatorade. Maybe someone will have something for me at the ride.

About last night's shift at Moe's: I feel very good about this opportunity, the manager of the store really has empowered me to change thigns up as i see fit. Every decision i made whether it was moving the glove box outo f vew of the customer, to ordering specific paper towel dispensers to fit in precarious places that are 1) out of view of the customer and 2) strategically placed so everyone has access to one so they can KEEP MY DAMNED FOOD AREA CLEAN....he's been behind me the whole way. I started to learn the menu and hit the line, but it's difficult because at Moe's every item is named after a star or catch phrase....for instance the chicken burrito is the 'Joey bag of Doughnuts'. In other words, they don't give me a clue at all as to whats in it. But that'll come in time.

As for today, i just got back from my 9 mile long run...and it was a very difficult long run.

Instead of goign tot he flat trail, i decided to run from my front door and do two loops of my tempo 4.5 mile course. This course has about 400 feet of elevation change, and most of it is in one giant hill smack int he middle. I got started late becuase i had to watch Lance fight it out with Ulrich in the time trial this morning of course. I won't say anymore then that in case you havn't seen it. So...loop one was a slow 56:26 but it was about 1:26 slower then i figured, so not too bad considering the hill. On my second loop i ran into the house, changed out my fuel belt with some cold gatorade, got a bar and drank a pre-made cup of coffee (which contributed greatly to me not bailing on this run later). I felt great, but i guess becuase of the heat or hte coffee, cardiac drift was already setting in and i couldn't keep my HR down. The first loop was awesome, spending the majority of it below 136. I looked forward to the hill on the way back (going up) to stretch my calves and give my quads some action.

2nd loop i had a hard time keeping my HR below 140. It sorta hovered 140,144. Then, as always, my watch started fritzing out telling me i was at 190, etc. so i had to keep resetting the HR part to re-evaluate. ANYWAY, i was going pretty good until about mile 7. My calves started acting up, but since iw as energized with coffee, my physical deterioration did not effect my mental stability and iw as able to work through the rough spot until my calves got numb again. On my last 2.25 miles coming back i was hurting good. I know i had slowed down considerably and my HR would not go down. OF course by now it was nearly 1:30 pm, the sun was full force out, and checking the weather when i got home, its 94 degrees. NOT really a big deal, but it was hot and i was tired.

When i got to the hill the second time, i was still looking forward to it, but i noticed i was climbing it very slowly. This hill is about 4 minutes long, at about 10 percent grade. THAT is a hill. Especially twice in a long run. Anyway made it up, my HR was soaring, couldn't get it below 150 by now, so i shut off the audible beep because it was pissing me off and if i stopped with a mile to go i'd kill myself. So i forced myself up the remaining 8-10 minute 6% elevation to the house and stopped the watch at 1:56:04.

First lap: 56:26 avg HR141
Second Lap: 59:38 Avg HR 149

OVERALL: 1:56:04
AVG HR: 145
PACE: 12:53/mile
So much for negative splitting. But i'm very happy i actually got out there, and EVEN MORE Happy that i COMPLETED a 2 lap course (i'm usually known for stopping after the first lap)

If i had done this run at 7 am like i planned i probably wouldn't have had such a hard time, but getting home at midnight from work will effect my training times. But i suppose if i look at it this way: Train in the heat so in November you'll rock, it doesn't sound so bad.

Phrase i kept repeating in my head in that final 2.25 miles of hell: "Suffer now so you don't have to in the race"

First day at work was good, i'll write more tomorrow.

I rode for 1.5 houtrs, and swam for an hour (3k). then worked. Overall a great day.

The great thing about working nights....no more night time munchies! No more icecream! OMG i might actually lose some FUCKING weight! wouldn't that be a wonder.

Mark built my campy wheel yesterday and today i got to put it on....as well as all my other campy stuff (brake shifters and rear derailler). I took it for a spin and almost had an orgasm. Everything is so smoooooooth...mmmmm. I wasn't even supposed to ride today and i ended up going out about 45 minutes. Campy rules!

Also, i got a job today too. After careful consideration i took the Shift Manager position at Moes Southwest Grille. I know i promised myself i wouldn't do it, but i start tomorrow. Lets see how it goes!

Just had a fantabulous run. 9 pm i went out in the most beautiful night of hte season, and ran 5 miles. Oh i was in heaven. Just me, my sneakers and the whole road. It was pitch black but i was acutely aware of everything around me andt he sounds of nature at work. How awesome. Did a respectable 58:48 for a recovery run. The whole time i breathed out of my nose too, no hard efforts.

A few years ago i swore off the food industry, even though i was REALLY good interacting with customers in a 'make to order' sort of environment (sandwhiches and stuff). In Florida i just had the worste experiences and it was super stressful...so i swore it off once i got the graphic design stuff going.

Well there's a place called Moe's that has fabulous mexican food, but it's not like a regular mexican restaraunt, it's pretty unique. I used to eat there like 3 times a week when i worked at colorvision and they've expanded a bit since then. Well there was a manager that worked at the one i frequented who is super cool, very boistrous personality and we melded right away as friends. A new Moe's opened up closer to where i live now in Clermont, and he's running it. I went in there today and talked with him awhile about things, and he offered me a position as night shift supervisor. He tells me that money isn't really an issue, he just wants someone that will get the job done for him correctly, because the one he has right now is very weak. he's looking to change the whole night shift staff, and put me in charge. I'm seriously considering the offer becuase it's Randy, and Randy is cool. I like the food and the establishment....why not give it a shot?

I think i'll call him tomorrow and set up a few hours to sit down with him and seriously bang this thing out.
I swam today as well, only 1200, i just wasn't feeling it today, still very sore from the weekend. But since i only biked yesterday, figured wht the hell.

Well, this weekend i helped CFT put together yet another sprint tri. I'm probably not going to do it anymore. It's just not worth it. I put in 18 hours, which isn't a whole lot, but when you figure that i BUST MY ASS the whole time without sitting down or really talking to anyone, it's draining.

I am burned.
My forearms are tweaked hard from lifting.
My back is sore from lifting
My legs are shot from walking, lifting, etc.
I hurt my left pinky toe pretty bad when jumping off the dock into the water to life guard (it was only 2 feet deep...i didn't know and hte water is dark).
I hurt in places i didn't know existed.

BUT.
On saturday night i did a half hour run with Carl, and on Sunday i was so burnt i didn't get out for my long ride. It's simply just not worth it. I learned my lesson. If anything i'll volunteer so i don't have to do the hard labor.

I have made a decision (not sure if i wrote it here yet) that after IMFL i'm going to Crit race my bike for a few years and give triathlon a break. I'll race tri's but nothing major, i'll be doing more bike racing. It just sounds like a blast.

The tour was amazing today...WATCH IT! It really inspired me to get on my bike (even though i was supposed to, it didn't really matter) but it was a great stage. Very exciting.

So i rode my new bike for about an hour, and will go swimming later. I'm really enjoying my road bike. I still have a few adjustments to make before it's fit exactly how i want it, but it's getting there.

Congratulations to Jan Ullrich who SMASHED the shit out of the time trial today, leaving lance in 2nd place for the stage, but still in hte yellow jersey by :34 seconds. I think Ullrich did exactly what lance wanted him to do: Use up all his energy to get high in the overall classification: then die in the next 4 days in the Pyrenees mountains. We have yet to see! and dont' forget Tyler Hamilton who's a great climber, he's only 2:45 back from Lance.

Had a great tempo run this morning, did the same 4.25 mile tempo route that i did last week in 55 minutes, in 48:48 today. Even though theres a HUGE uphill in the middle, coming back i only positive split by :58 seconds.

I think under 50 minutes will be my goal each week. Yesterday i got a road bike from South Lake, a Cannondale Saeco 2000 CAAD4 bike. It's pretty nice, i rode it around for a half hour and i still need to tweak it a bit. Now i have a road bike to go on group rides with. I'm working out a deal with Mark to work it off this summer.

Other then that, i missed my swim yesterday so i'm going to do it later this afternoon. Feelin good!

Had a wonderful swim...

Overall swim time: 54 minutes
Actual swim time: 48 minutes
Distance: 2500m

Not to bad, i'm happy with that. Also hit the scale and have droppeda bout two more pounds since last week. Gotta hit the bike later for about 1:30 easy ride.

Another amazing stage in the Tour, i just want to say my condolences to Beloki and his team. This man was in amazing form, and rivaling Lance for the jersey for days, keeping attacks and making sure Lance worked for it. Today Beloki crashed with 4km to go in the race and is now out of the race. Beloki was in 2nd at the time of the crash.

On another note, Lance went off road (he was behind Beloki at the time of the crash), rode DOWN a grassy hill, turned to the left and re-joined the peloton only losing 8-9 places. His cyclocross experience and MTB experience really helped him here! he was SO lucky that it was a horse shoe turn that he could regain his places by cutting hte course (accidently of course).

Beloki really added a lot of fire to this years Tour, now it's up to Ulrich to challenge him, but i don't think Ulrich is nearly as strong this year as Beloki was turning out to be.

I'm sorry Beloki. See you next year.

Wow, what an exciting stage of the Tour! Unfortunately they forced me to stay up till the wee hours of hte night becuase the live coverage was not on this morning, but it was worth it. Just exciting, i was on the edge of my seat! Go Lance!

I was having a great ride with the South Lake group...we were keeping a nice 21-23 mph on relatively flat roads. But there was a section where we had to bunny hop an inperfection in the road that stood up about 4 inches. I did'nt know it was coming and had to hastily try to hop my bike...and i mis timed it. My back wheel hit with all the force of my weight and speed, and it wasn't but another mile before it blew. I stopped with two other riders, put in another tube, pumped it up with CO2, and it blew. One of the other riders had 2 tubes on him so i did it agian, and IT blew. The third one's a charm right? I was out of CO2, so we used a hand pump. By this time i URGED everyone else (who had stopped) to not wait for me even though i was completely lost. One rider stayed with me adn we attempted to pump my tire with the hand pump. Holy suck batman. not only was it a pain in hte ass to pump, but you had to hold a hole that was in it to make air go in. it wasn't fun, and by the time i finished, i probably only had 70 psi in it, so id ecided to go home. The rider took me home and i ended up with 25 miles.

I'm going to go out a bit later, but i'm worried that if i flat again i'll have nothing to fix it with. The bike shops are closed today....sigh. I'll just stay close to home i guess. It was turning out to be a great ride though, i'm looking forward to doing it again next sunday.

1:38:12, 8 mile run this morning. Not bad, i felt pretty crappy in the beginning but felt stronger in the end as usual. I had Patrick, a pro runner from sweden who's staying here evaluate my form, he said it's right on target, very good and that when i lose the weight i want not only will i enjoy running more, but i'll have the strength to run quite a bit faster with the same effort i'm using now. He gave me some drills to do after my tuesday run just to dial in the form.

Tomorrow i'm going to South Lake Bicycles at 7:30 am to do the 45 mile ride that starts from there, then afterwards i'll add some mileage to it by ggoing around the lake a few times. After my training tomorrow i'll have completed every planned workout this week except one swim (yesterday) because i got home too late after watching LXG in the theatres. Pretty decent movie.

Did an hour on my bike really easy, and will swim later. Tomorrow is my long run...oh yeah, "N" called me last night (the girl i met at the bike shop) she's going to either ride with me on Sunday or call and make other plans. :)

I had a good 2000m workout in the pool today. I increased my stroke rate and was able to keep my pace faster without much added heart beats, it felt better to because i wasn't pushing as hard with my muscles per stroke, because i was stroking faster. Kinda like an engine, the higher the RPM's the less output each piston is producing per stroke, but it's producing each stroke 3 times faster, for an OVERALL more power output. ANyway it's a good thing and i'm going to practice it more. So, overall i did a little over 1:30 today.

I didn't get to swim last night because it started lightning out, i waited around for 45 minutes and they still weren't opening the pool so i left. I'm going to make it up today. This morning i had a good run, 4 mile tempo in 42 minutes. Felt really good and i found my motivation. I couldn't remember what kept me going during my Half IM training, but now i do: Thinking of the finishline. Towards the end of the run i was suffering a little, and i started to think about finishing the Ironman, i totally zoned out and actually went up and over a hill before i realized how close to home i was. I was day dreaming bad, and it was good! So i gotta remember that.

I went back to South Lake Bicycles last night to see if Mark needed a ride home (thought he rode in, it was still lightning out) but he was fine. What i DID find however was an extremely beautiful woman in there with her cannondale having mark service it for her. I asked him who she was (he seems to know everyone) when she walked to the front fo the store for a sec and he shrugged. So went out and started talking to her.

She's single (as far as i can tell)
She rides and runs for recreation
She's intelligent, successful and beautiful

Can't ask for much more then that...except her number, which i got.

Just call me Rico Suave.

Anyway i'm going to call her tonight and see if she wants to ride tomorrow morning. We'll go from there. Teehehe

Had a great ride this morning. 25 miles in 1:24...a tempo ride with 2 mile warmup and 3 mile cool down. My bike is running really good now that i've rebuilt it, Eric was drafting off me and said that my hips are swaying too much that i should lower my seat. I may ride to south lake today and have Mark check it out.

After about 30 minutes of painful tempo riding, my legs went numb...i almost forgot about this feeling. THey go numb and the burn goes away so ic an push the pace faster without dealing with the agony of lactic burn. It was great, my last half was a few miles per hour faster then my first.

Gotta swim later, but this week is turning out to be a good one.

What a great run! A storm was rolling in and the temp dropped about 10 degrees. I ran out for my 5 mile run and did it in 5:24 faster then last week. It felt great, and i'm psyched!

I would like to urge everyone to click on the "leave a message after the beep" link after this post and go click the 'book' (history) icon and read everything that Anonymous said. Read it, digest it and post what you feel about it. I'd like to know how many of my readers think i'm pathetic and not a triathlete.

Swam :30 today and rode for an hour. I wasn't going to ride but Erik elegantly reminded me of how much of a pussy i'd be if i didn't ride. Anyway the ride and swim was good, my traps are very sore from 3 hours of aero position. Gotta work my way up to 7 hours. Blech.

Overall a decent day though.

By the way, the last few days, and for the rest of the week the temperature has been in the low ninties. Yea. it's hot.

There's definitely a missing link in my life. A big one. Its as if i'm not even close to the same person i was 3-4 years ago. I knwo i've grown, i've become wiser, but it also seems as if i've grown more and more emotionaly detached from the world. I suppose after all the emotional pain i went through as a child, my subconscious came up with the perfect plan to make sure nothing ever hurts me ever again: Become cold, attach to nothing. It actually bothers me that after a 2 year relationship, i ended it and that was it. I wasn't sad about it at all, inside me was just a void where 2 years of built relationship once stood. It was totally nuked.

I just got done watching American Beauty for the 4th time. It's a movie that everyone should see at least once...for me, i watch it each time i think i'm so far off track that i can't see where i originated from. The movie has helped me in the past:

The first time i saw it, i broke up with my girlfriend, which was the best move of my life.

The second time i saw it, i almost convinced Josh to divorce Kelly (he watched it with me)

The third time i saw it was just watching it because it was good.

Each time i watched it, i felt an emotional attachment to the characters, to the story. Each time i teared up in the end, and that's how i knew that the movie was doing it's job. This time...this time i so wanted to feel that feeling again, but it just didn't come.

Usually watching the bag do its freedom dance moves me quite a bit. This time it seemed like i had some defenses that just bounced the meaning of the whole thing right back at the movie.

I'm quite disturbed by this. I think if the movie was 2 hours longer, i eventually would have broken down and gotten to the core of the problem. I used to be so proud of my emotional defenses, i was about as vulnerable as a Shermin tank. I am that way now, but i don't like it. I hate it. I want to be hurt. I want to be sad. Because you can't have true happiness without those two things. I want to feel PASSIONATE about something, something i will stand up for and raise my fist!

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ME?

When i was in college i stood for something: Sex. I wasn't getting it so i talked about it constantly. I was a vulgar, sexually frustrated furnace of arrogance and hate. I was an emotional wind tunnel waiting to pounce on anyone that thought differently then i did. I'm not too proud of that, but the CORE of it all, the raw power...where did that go? I don't want to lose the luster in the iris of my eye. I don't want to be the guy who's moved by nothing...

I constantly make jokes because i have a need to laugh. But i havn't laughed hard...i mean "I can't fuckin breathe and my face is turning purple, god my abs hurt" laugh in a long time. That used to be common occurance.

Females: girls make me feel vulnerable. Most of the time that pisses me off...but when i find someone i trust. someone that i think can take a part of me and not take advantage of it; well then i feel vulnerable but happy because of it. i feel like i can open a dusty door to a part of me that's been lying dormant for too long.

So is a relationship the key to my true happiness? Am i just half a man until i find someone who can fit the hole inside me?

I havn't felt stirred up about anything in a long time. Maybe i need to throw myself into a little turmoil...or maybe i need to become an emotionless scientist.

I've turned myself into something i don't like. Maybe i should go downtown and pick the biggest guy i can and hit him so he'll kick my ass. Give me something to worry about.

I also think everyone should spend one day in jail, mandatory. Sometime in their mid to late twenties, especially after they've made some sucess in their lives. After i spent a day in jail last year i've never valued my freedom more. someone asked on web boards what you value the most. Most people said family, some said triathlon. I said freedom. Soemthing we all take for granted. But when you're in a cement cell with 12 deuchebags from the street, and you can't come or go or eat unless someone else says so...you can't understand.

I think that's all i really want: someone to share things with. Someone that i respect because of their intelligence and drive and goals, something that is very difficult to raise to. I want to give my heart to someone and not know if they'r egoing to crush it or soothe it. I need to take some risks. Thats something that i always did, though it usually got me 2 steps forward and 3 steps back, i was very alive. Maybe i will move to Canada, that'd be a hell of a risk. Go homeless for awhile.

I dunno.

I had an excellent ride today. I got burnt pretty bad and ended up cutting it about 10 miles short because of it, but i rode from here out to the trail, met up with an older guy, rode with him the whole length of the trail and back, then rode the lasts 10 by myself..I felt good the whole time. It was extremely hot out today but i dealt pretty well with it. Ended up with 46 miles in 2:52. Overall my weekly volume is down, but i was also sick so i had to take a day off, and also took the 4th off. So i'm getting fired up for next week...i found out that coffee just before a workout is SO KEY! Keeps me positive throughout the workout and energized. Definitely not missing my coffee from now on.

I had a terrible long run today. i wanted 8 miles, but i only went 7 and i only should have gone 5. I just couldn't keep my HR down! I don't know what was wrong, but i did end up with 7 total miles at a blistering 14:12 per mile pace. I walked the last mile entirely. It was very humid and hot, but that usually doesn't bother me. Was just tired. Going long ont he bike tomorrow.

Screw holidays...while all my friends go home to celebrate, i sit here and type in my blog. Oh well, i have been motivated to write my screenplay so i'll write it.

I did end up sleeping, and when i got up i got a call from "J". I figured something was amiss because she didn't call me yesterday. Turns out she's having some difficulty with her family and we won't be able to hang out today. Sucks, but family is definitely #1 priority, so i'll have to get over it. On the bright side she works tomorrow and i'll at least get to see her then!

I ran for an hour today, felt awesome! I think i'll spend my day at South Lake finishing up the work i was supposed to do yesterday.

it's 10pm, i'm feeling great, but since i slept all day, i won't be able to sleep probably. :( oh well.

i was a giant turd today. I had three shirts on, two sweatpants and a blanket, and all day just sweated my ass off in bed. THe fever finally broke a little while ago, so now at least i can open my eyes adn move around without being in pain. I'll be ok before tomorrow, it's how ti is with me, sick horrifically for about 10-12 hours then fine. can't wait till tomorrow. Obviously no workouts today, and probably not tomorrow either. if i'm up to it i'll swim tomorrow.

I feel like a giant turd today. I went to bed at 11pm last night and woke up at 11 am, 12 hours of sleep. I'm achy, i feel like crap. Must be coming down with something. But i better get over it cause i'm gonna see 'J" tomorrow! yay! heheh. No training today because of how crappy i feel, but i'm going into South Lake bicycles to build some bikes.

my 5k race: Sucked. It only ended up being 2 miles because i ran out way too hard. I train at like 11 minute pace, my first mile today was 8:13, then 8:23, then i was wiped. It was impossibly humid and hot today which im sure helped me quit early. Oh well, still ended up with 4 miles in 46 minutes.

I'm going to do a 5k race against myself tomorrow, so today i just did a :45 easy bike ride, then 500m in the pool. I'm very tight from yesterday's swim, but myf orm was good today and thats all that mattered. I hope to get 25 minutes in my 5k tomorrow, i just wantt os ee what i have, it'll help me motivate. Going into orlando to pick up a check, then going to finally see the hulk! i can't wait!

I also can't wait to hang out with 'J' wed or thurs. Got a whole day planned, also found out she's into diving and some other things i'm into. This should be a great summer!

Ok, now i'm wishing i had mosquito bites...i found out this morning (the tell tale pustual and puck sized swelling) that i have red ant bites. About 11 of them, all on my inner thigh and left buttcheek. Needless to say, i'm not a happy camper.

But on the bright side, i had an AMAZING swim today, 2300m in 45 minutes. Was just great, lots has clicked in the last few days. I felt fast and powerful.

If you ever get zits, pray to GOD that you don't get any INSIDE your ear canal! I've had this recurring zit every few months in my left ear canal for the past year. Every time it's usually a small one, no big deal, hurts a bit. This time its a TRIPLE header, so big it's hard to hear. Anyway it hurts so bad that for the last couple nights that i couldn't sleep on my left side. My whole side of my head was starting to hurt.

Tonight i went to Josh's place to spend the night because i have to take him to the airport in the morning. WHile i was here, i decided we'd pop these zits and relieve the pressure. So i bunched up a towel, put it in my mouth to keep myself from breaking my own teeth from biting down so hard and with aneedle and zit tool, he went to work. It hurt so bad i kept having to think of tropical paradises and stuff just to keep from pulling away. He managed to get the root out of one of them, but by then i couldn't take it anymore, and my whole head is hurting. Dumped a bunch of hydrogen peroxide (the pain never ends) and now i'm writing about it just before i go to bed.

g'night.

Oh, i got to see "J" tonight and we had great conversation as usual. She had a bad day today and when i went to see her later on in the evening, i brought her a small flower (a purple flower i picked from one of Dave's plants heheh). she liked it. :) We're probably going to spend the day together sometime next week...looking forward to that very much.

ahhh what a beautiful day! Went for a 6 mile 'long' run...heheh not very long, but hey, gotta start somewhere. I can tell you that after this 6 mile run, i'm going to go 8 next week, it was a cinch!

I started out real easy (with HR monitor to keep me in check).

Mile 1- 12:31
Mile 2- 12:08
Mile 3- 12:16 I start going back, which has some long inclines.
Mile 4- 12:28
Mile 5- 12:25 OK, last mile, time to go tempo
Mile 6- 10:22! woops! felt good though heheh. actually it felt GREAT.

Only real problem with this run is the insole i put in my sneakers is a bit too small, so the ball of my left foot was on/off the sole, and it made a blister. No biggie, gotta get bigger insoles is all.

IT FELT GREAT!

Tomorrow i'm going long with JJ (Juanjo) on the bike. SHould round out a great week. I actually think i'm going to reduce my intensity on the weekday runs and go longer. i really felt great today.

Things are looking brighter! I rode for 1:30 and swam for :25 today, got to see "J" and we had good conversation, with plans of planting sun flower seeds on Monday. That'll be fun!

on the down side, i saw a study: 60% of americans are obiese (defined: Clinicaly overweight to the fact that their health is at risk). HOLY SHIT BATMAN! How pathetic is that? Highest murder rate in the world? yep, thats good ol' america. Fattest slobs in the world? Yep....good ol' america!

makes me want to vomit.

i ran yesterday for 40 minutes, it was a good run. I'm looking forward to riding this weekend and running. I was having some problems with my left foot in the new sneakers, but i put some old insoles in my sneaks and now my feet are fine. My run yesterday was really good, i ran on beautiful lake shore drive, but unfortunately there's no breakdown lane so i had some close calls with cars that wouldn't or couldnt' move over. Had to run on people lawns a few times. I want to find some new routes, i think thats a problem with my motivation...doing the same route over and over really sucks. today when i go riding i'm going out on highway 27 which happwns to have a bike lane, and riding till i get to my half way time, then turning around...see how it goes.

Yesterday i biked for an hour and swam 1000m in 20 minutes again. My goal is to stay consistent for hte next few weeks not matter what. so far i'm not doing to badly. Today i will run (in an hour) and lift. Then i have to go to World Gym and work out some stuff with Dan, then hopefully go to starbucks and see "J" if she's working.

I got in a short run today like i planned, but i'm still not doing enough. I have all the tiem in the world to train now, and listening to Eric talk about how his body is dialing in to his hard training...a place i've been before, i gotta start keeping consistent. I put on a pair of shorts today that last week were a bit to tight to button. They're still tight, but buttonable. I have to use this motivation to keep this up.

I'm finding with my much improved form in the pool, that my muscles are getting fatigued very quickly, but my cardiovasular system is still the same level. This is where my weight training will hopefully come into play. I just gotta get into the gym and do it.

I'm beginning to think things aren't going to work out like they always do. I really have reached the end of my rope i think this time. We'll see.

Ok, it's worse then i thought, they're 'investigating' my employment at CFT and they will withold money from me until that is complete...a MINIMUM of 4 weeks. FUCK.

Anyway i drove all the way to unemployment to find out this information, on my way back i swam 1000m and will go running later. Going to south lake today to work on some bikes too. : sigh :

I rode today for 30 minutes, but overall felt like doing absolutely nothing. i'm depressed because my unemployment check STILL has not been deposited and i think i may know why. I think they're witholding because of some red tape i didnt' complete. :( i hate having money owed to me and not getting it on time. So i sat in front of my computer and played warcraft III all damned day. Tomorrow i GOTTA get out.

man am i beat! Spent from 5:30 this morning at the race site luggin stuff around, in the rain of course. I biked yesterday for 2 hours...i'm really tired so i'll type mor elater.

i will say however that i miss talking to "J" and i hope she calls me when she gets back from vacation.

So this 10 year old kid and a bunch of his friends were swimming in a river near by, and they kept running out of the river, laughing, then getting back in. Why were they running outo f the river? Cause there were gators in the river and when the gators would get close, they'd laugh adn run away. One of them got eaten...Darwin Awards at it's finest.

SO what does the animal control do? Hunt down and kill SEVEN gators, then take them back to compare teeth marks to the left overs of the kid. WTF? Poor gators.

I'm taking tomorrow off from my work at CFT. My hands are destroyed, cut, bruised, fingers mangled and i have two nice holes in the top of my foot where i dropped some wire cutters. It's also been pouring rain since thursday so it's been miserable. I'll go on race day and see what needs done. Tomorrow i hope to get a ride in but it's going to be raining so it'll suck.

This article describes EXACTLY how i feel when i go on my once every couple year visits. Thanks Jeff for the link.

Yesterday i swam about 1km, my back and shoulders are really sore from lifting so i didn't push it much. I did however, find that i wasn't extending my arm 'over the barrel' and started doing that on the last 200. It was nice because instead of just my back, i was feeling my pecks lock into the pull too. So i'll haev to make sure i keep doing that, thats the proper way to swim afterall. I tihnk i've almost got the whole stroke down.

I went for a ride in the rain yesterday and found out why i was getting holes in my shorts. My stupid seat was so thin it was allowing my thigh to rub against the seatpost bolt, which was making holes. GAH! a new pair of 60 dollar shorts, i have a hole in them. I went to South Lake Bicycles and traded outm y seat for another one real quick and rode the rest of hte way on that one. That one felt good, but it's blue and i was annoyed so it didn't matter.

I'm going to work for CFT as a laborer from today till Sunday, and also i'm going to be working at South Lake Bicycles for free for awhile and maybe "M" will hire me in the interum.

Off to work.

Oh yeah, "J" never called me back after she took her brother to the hospital for his ankle, and she didn't call me yesterday either. I hope things are ok, i took a gamble and called her back at the last number she called me at but no one answered. I"m afraid now i'm not going to get to talk to her until next week sometime because i think she's left for vacation. :( at least i'm keeping busy tho.

I lifted and rode an hour today. I feel great. I'm tired too.

Something i forgot to mention yesterday, i got my first flat? I take my turns very aggresively on my bike, and when i felt the bike sliding out from under me i knew there was a problem, i righted myself (i didn't fall) and looked down and my front tire was losing air. So i stopped on the side of the road, and proceeded to change it. Even though i was taking my time and checking for a cut in my tire and what not, it only took me 10 minutes. It was an experience.

Today i ran 3 miles, lifted, and doing an hour ride later i think. I was supposed to see "J" today, but she had to take her brother to the hospital because he hurt his ankle real bad. Maybe we can get together later today or tomorrow.

I did an hour on the bike today, with plans of doing another hour with Julia and Eric at 6. It started pouring at 5:30 so we scrapped the second ride. I've been putting together a plan with Eric, and he's also been helping me fight my food urges. I think after a few weeks of eating good i'll be ok. I did however sneak an icecream sandwich! aaaaahh!

Ok, with the help of a good friend "A", i've been shown how to archive my stuff. Unfortunately i messed up the code in my html so i only have 2 days from may and no april archives at all :( It's a huge mess, so i'll start archiving by the month starting this month. Going for an hour ride.

I've added a new link to another page i'll be working on. It's called INSPIRATION and it's in the links above this text. Check it out, it's going to be a collection of pics i've scrapped of the internet with an added word. I'm about to give up on archives. If you want to take a look at my html i can email it to you so you can fix it. I'd really like my archives to be to the left of this text, under my picture. If you can help, email me.

Rode this morning next to Eric for a little over an hour. Not exactly an aerobic workout but it got me out at 6 am. Then i proceeded to do squat the rest of the day. Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

Talked iwth J today. SHe liked some of the writing i gave her, havn't gotten to discuss any of it with her though. I'd like to know which part of which ones she liked. She's going on vacation next week with her family, and i'm hoping she is able to work some things out in a comfortable supportive environment. I'm working for CFT all that week putting on one of the sprint tri's as a laborer. Make some cash!

Decided to go for a run this morning after buying Mizuno Wave Rider VI sneakers. They feel good, i ran for 20 minutes and felt a tinge in my hip still, i took it real slow and easy though. Was good to get out. Later today i'll ride the whole trail, probably 1:45 or 2 hours. Yesterday i swam 600m, and meant to ride but it poured.

Today i'm going to have lunch with "J" and then take her over either to the lake or the nature preserve where we can chat and what not. Looking forward to it.

God i hate it when this happens. I go to bed, peacefully...tired from training. And i wake up an hour later, completely re-energized. Now i gotta take sleeping pills to get back to sleep because i've been tossing and turning for an hour now. :(

Rode with Eric and Julia today for about 1:45. Was a good ride. My ass is killing me from this new position since i got re-fit., i may have to get another seat.

Yesterday i rode for 1:30! finally! Today my neck is killing me and so is my pachoch, but hey, i'll get used to it again. why 1:30 and not 2 hours? cause i felt like it..and it was raining at the end of the ride.

It felt great though, and i'm going to ride again today. I gotta put together a plan in a spreadsheet tonight if i have time. Dave dropped my rent to $300/month. He's such a nice fellow.

Today id idn't do shit either. But tonight i'm going to break out "Plans for Multisport Athletes" Kickon a spreadsheet and go to town. I have 22 weeks, i have lots of people i'll let down if i don't get my ass in gear, and i need to do this ironman...for me. i NEED this ironman. The plan: Cycle 2 hours a day in an effort to lose weight in the first 6 weeks. I plan on dropping my swimming all together for awhile because i'm very happy where i am swimming - wise, and my shoulder hurts more every stroke i take. My nerve problem is coming back and id on't have insurance to go o the doc and get it checked out. I'm fully confident i could swim a 2.4 right now no problem, in choppy sea water. I will start running again as soon as i get new sneakers. The ones i have are so old my hip is hurting and they are giving me blisters. On second thought, i'll do 2 short runs and keep a long run going, but cycling will be my main focus. It doesn't tear on my body and i can stick with it for 2 hours a day easy, and drop this extra weight. Once i drop the weight my running will come easier. I'll start swimming 8 weeks out to make sure my form is still good. It's the only thing i can think of right now. I NEED TO DROP THIS WEIGHT: Goal: 2 pounds a week for 15 weeks. Thats 30 pounds. I gotta get my nurtition strategy going again too.

Yesterday was my bday, the big 24...iw asn't able to go out with the person i had planned; so i went to Jeffs work and played games till late at night, watched About Schmidt (ok Movie) and then went home at 4 am. I got pulled over for having an expired tag (expired 4 hours previous) but the cop was cool, just told me to get a new tag. Tonight i'm supposed to go out with Michelle and a bunch of friends for dinner, hoping it will be a great time. STill no training yet. Not sure when i'm going to start up again, soon i hope.

I'm trying tog et my archives back up but having a hard time doing it. If anyone wants to help me out, i'll send you my code and you can slip it in. I want it on the left side here where there isn't anything. I can deal with the right side ok. Just send me an email, its up there in the menu bar.

Didn't do the ride, didn't do anything. I have to do something tomorrow. anything.

i think i need to go for a ride tomorrow..a long...long ride.

While on the plane home from Texas, i picked up Outdoor magazine and there was an article in there about Lance Armstrong. I've read his book and hesitated to pick it up because i know quite a bit about his life, but this had some new material in it, and so i bought it and took it on the plane. It described how he has such a passion, obsession for cycling, that he surrounds himself carefully with people who are only 100% supportive, food and items that will affect his cycling in a positive way. He literally eats and breaths and lives cycling.

I want to have passion for something like he does, like William Wallace did, i want to burn to do something. Sure i've burned to do something, and i usually attain it in a relatively short amount of time then the burning goes away to be replaced by cold ashes. I want to burn for something for the rest of my life. I want to yearn for something or someone so much that i'd give up my whole existence for it/them. Is that so much to ask?

Motivation was so much easier to come by when i was pissed off at the world, anger is the most volitle form of motivation, and it's really effective. But its not healthy either, it's empty. I'm going to use these next few weeks to get re-aqcuainted with training again. See what happens.

Where to start: Lets start with the negative stuff first, get it over with.

Saturday i got heat exhaustion in the 103 degree convection oven we call Texas. Saturday night iw as sick as a dog, and i didn't get to the race site until the race was over the next day.

Today i got to work and was laid off from CFT Sommer Sports.

Ok now lets get to the good stuff.


The kids race went amazing. It was so cool to see these kids run their hearts out, chasing each other down. The event went pretty much flawlessly from where i was standing, we tore down that race and set up the olympic all in the same day. It was very hard work but i was having a good time.

You know, i really had a long report to file here, i actually got some motivation to do something great...but it's sort of being eclipsed by being laid off. I'm trying not to be down about it, but it was a parting i almost felt coming. I simply couldn't complete the job successfully or satisfactorily. I admit my fault, i finally bit off more then i could chew...and i choked on it. The president of hte company however did say that in the future, when the company expands, he thinks my graphic talents are excellent and would possibly put me on as a full time artist. I would love that. I also asked that i stay in the industry by being a laborer (which is what i pretty much did at both races), he said it's a possiblity.

Now what? Well i'm going to go back to work for Eventures and PGI. They are event management and i really liked that aspect of hte job, so i'm going to go grab a radio and make some money. After that? I'm probably going to go back to school. I need to figure out what i'm going to do and do it. As for coaching, i suppose i can't afford it now, so i'll be coaching myself thorugh IMFL.