Wow, what an exciting stage of the Tour! Unfortunately they forced me to stay up till the wee hours of hte night becuase the live coverage was not on this morning, but it was worth it. Just exciting, i was on the edge of my seat! Go Lance!

I was having a great ride with the South Lake group...we were keeping a nice 21-23 mph on relatively flat roads. But there was a section where we had to bunny hop an inperfection in the road that stood up about 4 inches. I did'nt know it was coming and had to hastily try to hop my bike...and i mis timed it. My back wheel hit with all the force of my weight and speed, and it wasn't but another mile before it blew. I stopped with two other riders, put in another tube, pumped it up with CO2, and it blew. One of the other riders had 2 tubes on him so i did it agian, and IT blew. The third one's a charm right? I was out of CO2, so we used a hand pump. By this time i URGED everyone else (who had stopped) to not wait for me even though i was completely lost. One rider stayed with me adn we attempted to pump my tire with the hand pump. Holy suck batman. not only was it a pain in hte ass to pump, but you had to hold a hole that was in it to make air go in. it wasn't fun, and by the time i finished, i probably only had 70 psi in it, so id ecided to go home. The rider took me home and i ended up with 25 miles.

I'm going to go out a bit later, but i'm worried that if i flat again i'll have nothing to fix it with. The bike shops are closed today....sigh. I'll just stay close to home i guess. It was turning out to be a great ride though, i'm looking forward to doing it again next sunday.

1:38:12, 8 mile run this morning. Not bad, i felt pretty crappy in the beginning but felt stronger in the end as usual. I had Patrick, a pro runner from sweden who's staying here evaluate my form, he said it's right on target, very good and that when i lose the weight i want not only will i enjoy running more, but i'll have the strength to run quite a bit faster with the same effort i'm using now. He gave me some drills to do after my tuesday run just to dial in the form.

Tomorrow i'm going to South Lake Bicycles at 7:30 am to do the 45 mile ride that starts from there, then afterwards i'll add some mileage to it by ggoing around the lake a few times. After my training tomorrow i'll have completed every planned workout this week except one swim (yesterday) because i got home too late after watching LXG in the theatres. Pretty decent movie.

Did an hour on my bike really easy, and will swim later. Tomorrow is my long run...oh yeah, "N" called me last night (the girl i met at the bike shop) she's going to either ride with me on Sunday or call and make other plans. :)

I had a good 2000m workout in the pool today. I increased my stroke rate and was able to keep my pace faster without much added heart beats, it felt better to because i wasn't pushing as hard with my muscles per stroke, because i was stroking faster. Kinda like an engine, the higher the RPM's the less output each piston is producing per stroke, but it's producing each stroke 3 times faster, for an OVERALL more power output. ANyway it's a good thing and i'm going to practice it more. So, overall i did a little over 1:30 today.

I didn't get to swim last night because it started lightning out, i waited around for 45 minutes and they still weren't opening the pool so i left. I'm going to make it up today. This morning i had a good run, 4 mile tempo in 42 minutes. Felt really good and i found my motivation. I couldn't remember what kept me going during my Half IM training, but now i do: Thinking of the finishline. Towards the end of the run i was suffering a little, and i started to think about finishing the Ironman, i totally zoned out and actually went up and over a hill before i realized how close to home i was. I was day dreaming bad, and it was good! So i gotta remember that.

I went back to South Lake Bicycles last night to see if Mark needed a ride home (thought he rode in, it was still lightning out) but he was fine. What i DID find however was an extremely beautiful woman in there with her cannondale having mark service it for her. I asked him who she was (he seems to know everyone) when she walked to the front fo the store for a sec and he shrugged. So went out and started talking to her.

She's single (as far as i can tell)
She rides and runs for recreation
She's intelligent, successful and beautiful

Can't ask for much more then that...except her number, which i got.

Just call me Rico Suave.

Anyway i'm going to call her tonight and see if she wants to ride tomorrow morning. We'll go from there. Teehehe

Had a great ride this morning. 25 miles in 1:24...a tempo ride with 2 mile warmup and 3 mile cool down. My bike is running really good now that i've rebuilt it, Eric was drafting off me and said that my hips are swaying too much that i should lower my seat. I may ride to south lake today and have Mark check it out.

After about 30 minutes of painful tempo riding, my legs went numb...i almost forgot about this feeling. THey go numb and the burn goes away so ic an push the pace faster without dealing with the agony of lactic burn. It was great, my last half was a few miles per hour faster then my first.

Gotta swim later, but this week is turning out to be a good one.

What a great run! A storm was rolling in and the temp dropped about 10 degrees. I ran out for my 5 mile run and did it in 5:24 faster then last week. It felt great, and i'm psyched!

I would like to urge everyone to click on the "leave a message after the beep" link after this post and go click the 'book' (history) icon and read everything that Anonymous said. Read it, digest it and post what you feel about it. I'd like to know how many of my readers think i'm pathetic and not a triathlete.

Swam :30 today and rode for an hour. I wasn't going to ride but Erik elegantly reminded me of how much of a pussy i'd be if i didn't ride. Anyway the ride and swim was good, my traps are very sore from 3 hours of aero position. Gotta work my way up to 7 hours. Blech.

Overall a decent day though.

By the way, the last few days, and for the rest of the week the temperature has been in the low ninties. Yea. it's hot.

There's definitely a missing link in my life. A big one. Its as if i'm not even close to the same person i was 3-4 years ago. I knwo i've grown, i've become wiser, but it also seems as if i've grown more and more emotionaly detached from the world. I suppose after all the emotional pain i went through as a child, my subconscious came up with the perfect plan to make sure nothing ever hurts me ever again: Become cold, attach to nothing. It actually bothers me that after a 2 year relationship, i ended it and that was it. I wasn't sad about it at all, inside me was just a void where 2 years of built relationship once stood. It was totally nuked.

I just got done watching American Beauty for the 4th time. It's a movie that everyone should see at least once...for me, i watch it each time i think i'm so far off track that i can't see where i originated from. The movie has helped me in the past:

The first time i saw it, i broke up with my girlfriend, which was the best move of my life.

The second time i saw it, i almost convinced Josh to divorce Kelly (he watched it with me)

The third time i saw it was just watching it because it was good.

Each time i watched it, i felt an emotional attachment to the characters, to the story. Each time i teared up in the end, and that's how i knew that the movie was doing it's job. This time...this time i so wanted to feel that feeling again, but it just didn't come.

Usually watching the bag do its freedom dance moves me quite a bit. This time it seemed like i had some defenses that just bounced the meaning of the whole thing right back at the movie.

I'm quite disturbed by this. I think if the movie was 2 hours longer, i eventually would have broken down and gotten to the core of the problem. I used to be so proud of my emotional defenses, i was about as vulnerable as a Shermin tank. I am that way now, but i don't like it. I hate it. I want to be hurt. I want to be sad. Because you can't have true happiness without those two things. I want to feel PASSIONATE about something, something i will stand up for and raise my fist!

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ME?

When i was in college i stood for something: Sex. I wasn't getting it so i talked about it constantly. I was a vulgar, sexually frustrated furnace of arrogance and hate. I was an emotional wind tunnel waiting to pounce on anyone that thought differently then i did. I'm not too proud of that, but the CORE of it all, the raw power...where did that go? I don't want to lose the luster in the iris of my eye. I don't want to be the guy who's moved by nothing...

I constantly make jokes because i have a need to laugh. But i havn't laughed hard...i mean "I can't fuckin breathe and my face is turning purple, god my abs hurt" laugh in a long time. That used to be common occurance.

Females: girls make me feel vulnerable. Most of the time that pisses me off...but when i find someone i trust. someone that i think can take a part of me and not take advantage of it; well then i feel vulnerable but happy because of it. i feel like i can open a dusty door to a part of me that's been lying dormant for too long.

So is a relationship the key to my true happiness? Am i just half a man until i find someone who can fit the hole inside me?

I havn't felt stirred up about anything in a long time. Maybe i need to throw myself into a little turmoil...or maybe i need to become an emotionless scientist.

I've turned myself into something i don't like. Maybe i should go downtown and pick the biggest guy i can and hit him so he'll kick my ass. Give me something to worry about.

I also think everyone should spend one day in jail, mandatory. Sometime in their mid to late twenties, especially after they've made some sucess in their lives. After i spent a day in jail last year i've never valued my freedom more. someone asked on web boards what you value the most. Most people said family, some said triathlon. I said freedom. Soemthing we all take for granted. But when you're in a cement cell with 12 deuchebags from the street, and you can't come or go or eat unless someone else says so...you can't understand.

I think that's all i really want: someone to share things with. Someone that i respect because of their intelligence and drive and goals, something that is very difficult to raise to. I want to give my heart to someone and not know if they'r egoing to crush it or soothe it. I need to take some risks. Thats something that i always did, though it usually got me 2 steps forward and 3 steps back, i was very alive. Maybe i will move to Canada, that'd be a hell of a risk. Go homeless for awhile.

I dunno.

I had an excellent ride today. I got burnt pretty bad and ended up cutting it about 10 miles short because of it, but i rode from here out to the trail, met up with an older guy, rode with him the whole length of the trail and back, then rode the lasts 10 by myself..I felt good the whole time. It was extremely hot out today but i dealt pretty well with it. Ended up with 46 miles in 2:52. Overall my weekly volume is down, but i was also sick so i had to take a day off, and also took the 4th off. So i'm getting fired up for next week...i found out that coffee just before a workout is SO KEY! Keeps me positive throughout the workout and energized. Definitely not missing my coffee from now on.

I had a terrible long run today. i wanted 8 miles, but i only went 7 and i only should have gone 5. I just couldn't keep my HR down! I don't know what was wrong, but i did end up with 7 total miles at a blistering 14:12 per mile pace. I walked the last mile entirely. It was very humid and hot, but that usually doesn't bother me. Was just tired. Going long ont he bike tomorrow.

Screw holidays...while all my friends go home to celebrate, i sit here and type in my blog. Oh well, i have been motivated to write my screenplay so i'll write it.

I did end up sleeping, and when i got up i got a call from "J". I figured something was amiss because she didn't call me yesterday. Turns out she's having some difficulty with her family and we won't be able to hang out today. Sucks, but family is definitely #1 priority, so i'll have to get over it. On the bright side she works tomorrow and i'll at least get to see her then!

I ran for an hour today, felt awesome! I think i'll spend my day at South Lake finishing up the work i was supposed to do yesterday.

it's 10pm, i'm feeling great, but since i slept all day, i won't be able to sleep probably. :( oh well.

i was a giant turd today. I had three shirts on, two sweatpants and a blanket, and all day just sweated my ass off in bed. THe fever finally broke a little while ago, so now at least i can open my eyes adn move around without being in pain. I'll be ok before tomorrow, it's how ti is with me, sick horrifically for about 10-12 hours then fine. can't wait till tomorrow. Obviously no workouts today, and probably not tomorrow either. if i'm up to it i'll swim tomorrow.

I feel like a giant turd today. I went to bed at 11pm last night and woke up at 11 am, 12 hours of sleep. I'm achy, i feel like crap. Must be coming down with something. But i better get over it cause i'm gonna see 'J" tomorrow! yay! heheh. No training today because of how crappy i feel, but i'm going into South Lake bicycles to build some bikes.

my 5k race: Sucked. It only ended up being 2 miles because i ran out way too hard. I train at like 11 minute pace, my first mile today was 8:13, then 8:23, then i was wiped. It was impossibly humid and hot today which im sure helped me quit early. Oh well, still ended up with 4 miles in 46 minutes.